I Can See Clearly Now
by double scotch.single malt
Summary: With their eyes wide open now, Meredith and Derek continue on their journey of commitment, love and passion together ... and now with their love-baby Ruby. Modified-AU, circa S4. Sequel fic to "Eyes Wider than Before", read and you will fall in love!
1. Chapter 1, Sense

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**So ... here's the deal ... this is a sequel fic ... I personally believe you should read "Eyes Wider than Before" (find the link on my profile) if you want to fully appreciate this story ... but ... I'll leave that up to you.**

**With that said, this fic (to me anyway) is like magic - or a magical, mystifying looking glass - hmm, it's hard to explain, but I know in my heart you will all enjoy it. Because it is a different view ... though a looking glass, a rose colored one.**

**The story is short compared to other stories I have written. It is dramatic without drama ... it is unique ... one of a kind ... but most of all it's calming and full of peace and love, but energetic and quite sussy at times too (the rating will change to M within the first few chapters).**

**There are just 12 chapters and you'll soon understand my rationale for that. It is a ficlet in terms of my usual stuff ... but ... it is special and I do hope you enjoy it AND tell me about it!**

**Oh and just in case you've never heard this song written by Johnny Nash in the 70's, but more widely known for the 90's release by Jimmy Cliff,**** go find a link and take a listen, lyrics below.  
**

**I Can See Clearly Now  
**

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,  
I can see all obstacles in my way  
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind  
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)  
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone  
All of the bad feelings have disappeared  
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for  
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)  
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies  
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,  
I can see all obstacles in my way  
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind  
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)  
Sun-Shiny day.

###

**Chapter 1 – Sense**

"_I am your parent; you are my child."_

_Where there is light, there is life – though in this life, right here, right now – there are only senses, shades of gray and some even darker … black, simple, clean, yet fragmented and endless too … and then there are some that are light and even brighter still … and those … those are the special ones. _

_For those are comprised of life – the ebb and flow of the shadows – it's life, a shoal of movement … it's movement across an eddy … the destination still so unclear, yet perfectly aligned – so aligned it must fate or destiny or the magical stuff of star-crossed lovers – it's the stuff of the road not taken or the new direction en-route to the new life. _

_And inside this tiny new life, there are only soft sounds within those dancing shadows of darkness and light and life – there are coos of encouragement, melodic voices of reason, and the uncertainty of inexperience – but it's the shades of gray that are so captivating, some so dark and then others so light and even brighter still … yes, it's the shadows and the way they dance with the soft sounds that makes it all seem so surreal._

_For I have arrived. _

_There are touches too – warm and delicate and gentle and responsive – for they mean something and somehow they transcend to mean 'everything', especially those caresses from the shadows of the brighter and even brighter still, for __their__ touches are the most cherished of all – they are special – they belong to me, for they are my parents and I am their child._

_I belong to them, and they to me … for all time._

###

Meredith smiled at Ruby –_ her dark green eyes fixed, quiet, alert –_ the glow from the hearth adding just another whimsical element to her serene beauty. Meredith's heart gave out, for she was still in quiet awe of the baby, so new and so instantly cherished above all else in the world.

And it was during these times of instant connection that Meredith could really gather a sense of their daughter – _the wonder set deep inside her eyes, her spiritual calm and genius_ – she was amazing and had become the light of their lives since her birth only two and half weeks ago. Leaning over, she pressed a lingering kiss to the baby's head – _she smelled like home, fresh and new and uniquely sweet_ – she pulsed her lips once, silently breathing her in and making sure of her all at the same time.

Pulling back, she smiled and grabbed the empty mugs from the table and stood, peering down at Ruby once more – _safely situated on the middle of the coffee table, strapped securely in her bouncy seat, vibrating away _– her eyes still alert, awake and mystifying. Meredith turned back to the task at hand and approached the sink, washing the mugs absentmindedly now she spied Derek and Owen out by the clearing near the water.

She dried her hands – _ever-mindful of her new heirloom now_ – the stones sparkled brilliantly against the bright overcast light from the windows, she smiled and then shivered as she often did when she turned her back on the warmth of the hearth – _the focal point of their home_ – the center of their living and dining rooms, their tiny acknowledgment of perpetual heat and reception. Righting herself, she leaned up on her toes and craned her neck to get a better view of the men and then she chuckled, watching the two surgeons debate about where a retaining fence should be erected along the water's edge.

All the while, Meredith argued that they had years to think about such things, but men would be men and when one particular surgical junkie was on paternity leave it seemed it was his posse's purpose to entertain those maniacal ideas, especially the ones keeping said surgical junkie up at night. In the end Meredith knew she would acquiesce, after all Derek was a daddy and if this was the daddy-ish thing he wanted to do first, then so be it (although her next recommendation would for him to hire a professional to do it).

She set the mugs on the drying rack and turned to find Cristina coming down the hallway – _her friend looked tired, although she would argue she wasn't as tired as Meredith was_ – and to that point, Meredith herself wouldn't argue, for despite the apparent bliss of new motherhood, she was beyond fatigued. Blinking hard, she tried to hydrate her dry eyes as she smiled at her dear friend.

"You look tired," Cristina offered, stifling s yawn of her own. "How can you stay awake with the fire raging on like this? It's tiring, like eating turkey on Thanksgiving," she joked, sitting back down at her spot on the sofa.

Meredith sat down too and the women gazed at Ruby for a beat in time watching the baby with a keen eye, seeing now a spark of recognition before she slowly turned her head and looked straight at Cristina.

"Ruby really likes you," Meredith cooed, reaching out, she massaged the baby's toes through her footed pajamas.

"She's amazing," Cristina sighed with a soft voice she seemed to save for the baby. Her face softened too. "You'd think I would be able to come up with something more creative by now …," she mused, the worries of the world all but gone when she looked at her.

"But she _is_ amazing," Meredith doted with a giggle.

"She is," Cristina sighed, reflecting now too. She bumped her friend with her elbow and gave her a sidelong glance. "I might have to say it again," she warned with a smirk.

"And I won't stop you, she was hard work," Meredith giggled, her cheeks pink already.

"I know she was," she smiled. "And I'm very proud of you Meredith Grey," she said sincerely yet again.

"Thank you Cristina Yang," Meredith answered, predictable tears crowded her eyes laughing while those tears retreated.

_Cristina draped her arm along her friend's shoulder and squeezed, the women heard the men outside on the stone walkway now – their raucous laughter and backslapping only adding to the balance of testosterone and estrogen – Meredith giggled and shook her head, Cristina snorted and their eyes fell on Ruby again and just like that the baby was once again ensconced into the mix. _

"Tell me she likes me more than she likes Izzie and it'll make my day," Cristina whispered after minute, reaching up, she set her hand along the baby's warm thigh and leaned forward, locking her eyes with the baby's quiet ones.

"I can't do that," Meredith admonished with a giggle, sticking her elbow into her friend's ribs. "She's too young to be jaded and play favorites," she added with a wry grin.

Cristina smiled and leaned closer to Ruby. "You know … I would have made a birthday cake for you too, if I knew how to bake," she kidded conspiratorially, her voice as soft as a whisper, maybe even softer as she ran her delicate surgeon's fingers along Ruby's even more delicate cheek.

_Meredith melted inside, there was something so magical about seeing Cristina with Ruby – it was like they were soul-sisters or maybe it was this glimpse of Cristina as a child – Meredith of course had seen this look of wonderment before, any cool surgery could mystify the woman, but this – the softness, the humbleness, the quiet fortitude she reserved for Ruby – well, it just seemed to whisk her intensity away until all that remained was Cristina the woman, the surgeon (the Ellis Grey in her) somehow disappeared and it was remarkable. _

Ruby sighed, shivering slightly. Cristina turned to Meredith who appeared a million miles away. She smiled at her friend, still completely amazed by her – _so amazed she didn't quite know how to put her finger on it_ – all she did know was that she was born to be a mother and it somehow didn't surprise her at all now that Ruby was in the mix.

The baby sighed breathlessly again, breaking the spell on the old friends. "May I?" Cristina asked, turning the pulse of the seat off.

"Sure," Meredith smiled, looking on as Cristina unfastened the belt strap and lifted Ruby, cradling her in her arms.

_The weather-stripping on the front door squeaked and time started to move again – a gust of cooler, fresh air breezed through the open doorway bringing with it a charge of testosterone – the women eyed each other as did the men as they came around the entrance way and smiled. _

"Now there's a picture to get used to," Derek teased, his happy eyes moving from player to player, finally locking his eyes with Meredith's, she smiled in return, their secret line of communication open now.

"She's a natural," Meredith quipped, her eyes landing on Owen's for a beat. "Though I think it has more to do with Ruby, remember when Tuck was a baby and you had to watch him?" she teased relentlessly, her mind instantly wandering to a time when things in her life were so unsettled.

"Oh c'mon that was different!" Cristina defended. "Bailey was torturing me!" she cackled, her eyes softening around the edges when she made contact with Owen, taking in his more relaxed physique, for time away from the hospital, even a day and a half seemed to do wonders for the man.

"Something tells me it might have been the other way around," Owen teased from his spot.

"Oh you have that right," Derek chided with a smirk before he headed to the sink to wash his hands.

Owen smirked knowingly before he slipped his jacket off and hung it on a peg by the door, squirted his hands with some antibacterial gel and promptly sat down next to Cristina. The lovers leaned into one another, their fit comfortable, their relationship working very well for both of them – _though maybe it was just them and their circumstances and the where and how of their meeting_ – Meredith would still argue that sending Cristina to work with Owen was one of the most insightful decisions he had ever made, though he would always counter with the one decision he would never regret: _getting on that plane and flying into the unknown to meet Meredith in Darwin. _

_Derek sat down next to Meredith, he pressed a kiss to her temple and breathed her in – she smelled like home, like Ruby and burning wood and the sweet islands all rolled into one – yeah, she smelled like home. He held her close and felt her succumb to his heat and therein he once again realized there was no place on earth he would rather be than right here, right now. He ran his hands up and down her back; she stifled a yawn, swallowing it with a giggle. Derek met her eyes and decided she looked beautiful, albeit fatigued, she still blew him away with those green, endless eyes of hers. _

Cristina held Ruby close, rocking the sweet baby in her arms as she spoke to her in a soft whisper. "Now, when you meet Bailey, don't be fooled by her _'mama bear'_ hugs, she can be the devil inside … has a real mean streak," she cooed, raising her eyebrow to Ruby's knitted one. "Don't look so pensive little one," she laughed. "She'll be nice to you, she'll love you and if she isn't … you just let me know, I can handle her," she whispered conspiratorially.

Ruby stirred in her arms and craned her neck back and away – _Meredith looked on with interest as Ruby pressed her hand against the swell of Cristina's breast_ – the women found each other's eyes and everyone shared a laugh.

Cristina looked down to the baby. "You won't find what you're looking for there kid," she teased before she pressed a kiss to her baby temple and handed the bundle of love to Meredith. "That's our cue," she smiled tilting her head up, she met Owen's gaze.

###

Derek sighed and added another log to the fire, positioning it just adjacent to the two crackling pieces of wood already there _– the log ignited, white hot-blue flames encased the whole fresh wood_ – porous pockets crackled and hissed, popping with life from the infiltration of heat. The fire came to life – _wild, superfluous flames, orange with bright sunlit tips twirled up and around, up and around _– the fragrant smoke wafted up the flue, swoosh, swoosh, up and out into the late afternoon sky. Everything was quiet save for the fire. Everything.

Derek shifted on his feet, standing now from his crouched position; he kept his eyes on the fire for a beat – _he took a deep breath in, he loved this element of their home, the hearth, the center, the heart –_ it pulsed with energy and teemed with a life all it's own. The new heat lapped at his body and the raging fire became more manageable unto itself. He glanced down to his watch and considered the time and in that note, he headed to the kitchen to wash his hands.

Once at the sink, his eyes scanned the landscape down by the water – _Owen was right, the retaining fence should start closer to the dock by about a foot, maybe two, leaving a little more room around Doc's resting place – _a smile formed along his face and before he knew it he was thinking about their old trusted connector … so much had happened, but so little had changed, for he and Meredith, their _connection_ was stronger than ever before.

He dried his hands and crossed the space to the fridge where he pulled one of his mother's pies out – _convinced now that the famous moniker 'Shepherd's Pie' was named for her version of the comfort food delicacy_ – he set the pie down on the counter and set the oven to pre-heat, his mind and eyes wandering over the landscape outside now while he waited for the oven chime, calculating now, the timing would be perfect timing for his mother's arrival for an early dinner.

A stock image of her with the baby flew through his mind then and he held on tight, for there was nothing like seeing a grandparent with a new grandchild, especially when that new grandchild was (finally) of his own flesh and blood. And she had been wonderful to have around – _for all of them –_ her voice of reason, her calm and collected way she handled Ruby (and Meredith and him too), well, it somehow reminded him that parenthood is forever and that his mother was his mother: _special_.

_And busy, she really managed to keep herself busy in couple of weeks since Ruby was born and would likely stay another couple of week to make sure everything was settled with 'her boys'. And to that point, she headed out today with Mark – apartment hunting – and while the rest of the pack was curious to see how long it would take for him to ask Callie to move in with him, his mother believed they were already living together. Which pleased her and shocked everyone else – but she was firm, said she had a feeling about these things – to which Derek replied with a hearty cackle, 'where were those words about things like that __before__ he married Addison'. _

The oven chimed and Derek set the pie to bake, setting the timer for one hour and an automatic shut off. With his chores seemingly finished, he listened for Meredith, having retreated to nurse Ruby shortly after Cristina and Owen departed – _she hadn't resurfaced_ – no doubt in his mind now that he'd find his girls asleep, and with that in mind he thought to join them, padding quietly down the hallway, a wry grin plastered to his face – _Mark and Callie living together _– his smile only widening when he stopped just inside Ruby's bedroom door and lost himself once again at the sight before him.

And like the many times he had come to see them this way already – _tears pricked his eyes_ – Ruby lay at Meredith's breast, her magical gateways closed to the world, his woman also tired, her endless gateways also closed, for they were one unto each other – _mother to daughter, daughter to mother _– fantastic energy effortlessly flowing between them as they rested. And no, he still couldn't quite define the way in which he watched them transcend to this place of calm and necessary fortitude. But they did, over and over again.

He sighed and shifted on his feet, taking a step closer to see the speed of Ruby's suction – _Meredith's heavy eyes popped open –_ her gateways crystal clear, though she looked at him through this new euphoric haze of hers he sometimes saw after she nursed the baby.

"Hey," she whispered, meeting his cloudless blue eyes for a beat as he came to lean against the armchair – _he was tired too_ – she surmised before she kissed his perfect-fit lips.

"Hmm, hey … are you tired?" he asked softly before he glanced down and ran his fingertip along the baby's flushed cheek. Meredith smiled inside her daze and looked up, her eyes twinkled in the dim afternoon light, her hair both down and wild framed her face perfectly.

"Hmm, nap time," she mused, stifling a yawn followed by her breathless giggle, Derek pressed a kiss to her temple and she leaned into his innate heat_, lean, lean, lean, _her eyes laden with weight. "I think she's about finished," she whispered. "Do you want to take her," she sighed, gently easing the baby from her weak hold on her breast.

Ruby's eyes popped open and she stared Derek. He smiled and held her close. "Hi baby," he cooed, moving to change her diaper.

_Meredith watched Derek change Ruby's diaper while she refastened her bra, reaching into the deep pocket of the armchair; she pulled out a new disposable breast pad and slipped it into place. Smiling as she eyed Derek, his back to her while he worked she marveled at his perfect ass and the flawless fit of his jeans and the way they hugged his trim hips in all the right places – even with sex off the table for the moment – he was sexy as hell and she could only smirk at her porny range of thoughts as she closed her eyes and listened contently to the man she loved coo and whisper with encouragement to their beloved daughter. _

Derek finished changing Ruby's diaper and smiled down at her little cherubic face _– crinkling his nose at her_ – he was smitten and already so amazed by how remarkable she was. Her dark green eyes met his ocean blues; he watched her focus intensely on his face now as he worked to fasten her pajamas back up, careful not to agitate the healing flesh of her belly button. Satisfied the snaps were aligned, he scooped the baby up and held her close, cradling her head with one hand and her tush with the other as he turned around and found Meredith, the dim afternoon light cascading down around her from the nearby window – _and lost himself somewhere within the vast serenity lodged along her face_ – she was nothing short of an angel on earth.

"Let's take mommy to bed," he said softly, leaning down he pressed a soothing kiss to Meredith's temple.

Derek felt her shift in the comfortable chair; she tilted her head up, her eyes still closed. A small smile appeared along her face before her hand found the nape of his neck where she gently pulled him towards her.

"Kiss me," she whispered softly into his ear, pressing her lips to his flesh there, _pulse, pulse._

And so he did, pulling away just enough to kiss her then with just the right amount of everything – _eyes open now –_ they held each other inside the moment, losing sight of themselves for a beat of immeasurable time. Ruby sighed and the new parents smiled. Derek held his hand out for Meredith wherein she grasped his hand and pulled herself up, her legs like rubber bands, she righted herself.

"I'm dazed," she mused happily.

Derek chuckled, holding Ruby close as they entered their inner sanctuary – _the rest of the world nothing but a figment here, breathing now, he took a breath of the sweet, familiar air and let it cleanse him as he released_ – he took another deep breath, this time his lips pressed to Ruby's baby soft hair where he breathed her in and found his peace of mind. He pulled the covers back for Meredith as she padded into the room after him, tipping her head up; she planted a sweet kiss upon his lips and slipped into the warmth and comfort of their bed with a substantial sigh of appreciation. Derek chuckled and leaned over to carefully deposit Ruby into the shell of Meredith's body. Meredith inched closer where the alert baby found her mother's shadowy face almost immediately.

Derek watched the encounter as he slipped into bed with them, still so fascinated by Ruby's quiet intensity, resting his head on the heel of his hand, he reflected and met Meredith's gaze for a moment where she smiled and so did he. He continued to watch, making note of Meredith's unwillingness to close her tired eyes on their love baby –_ for he knew she couldn't do it _– as tired as she was, she couldn't turn her back or her face away from Ruby, not if the little life force was awake.

And then he truly smiled because in all the time Derek had known Meredith this somehow made her even stronger in his eyes – _for even at the height of her internship, he had always marveled at her stamina and endurance_ – even more so considering the emotional duress under which she had operated during that time in her life … a time in their lives when the storm of _'them'_ raged all around them without recourse.

_Meredith smiled softly when she caught him watching her – he looked tired, but sated and happy – new fatherhood had been good to him so far and if at all possibly mad her fall even deeper in love with him, for she wouldn't have believed it to be true, but now she knew, with Ruby's presence in their lives that anything was possible. Anything. _

_Small tears of happiness flooded her eyes; she rapidly blinked them away, focusing once again on Ruby's endless green gateways, pools of holy water, swirling and swirling … so magical and spiritual and somehow all-consuming. She looked up to find Derek's pensive eyes and watched them soften and crinkle around the edges, the long afternoon shadows adding yet another layer of depth she hadn't noticed before … and in that moment, she realized that maybe he had fallen a little more in love with her too. She smiled and found Ruby's eyes again, leaning down she pressed a lingering kiss to her soft baby skin. _

"I love you," she soothed, their eyes transfixed with strong mother-daughter bonds still in the making. Meredith sighed and smiled – _what more could she say_ – she mused silently, staring at Ruby still, quite unable to turn away from the baby's endless, green, hopeful, connecting eyes.

Derek inched closer and ran his fingertips along Ruby's left cheek, _his_ side – _he smiled when she reflexively turned her head and found his eyes instead_ – such a smart baby. "Hi baby," he whispered, watching the intensity by which she scrutinized his face. He smiled broadly. "Let's let mommy sleep," he whispered, darting his eyes up to meet Meredith's for a split-second before he engaged with Ruby again.

_Meredith giggled and rested her head down on her pillow, moving her free hand to Ruby's thigh where she brushed her fingertips along Derek's, silently connecting, he moved his fingers along her heirloom ring, around and around he went as she finally closed her eyes and let sleep come for her because they were all okay, survivors of those storms that put them right here, right now – a new family napping together inside their enclave, nana on her way to see her latest miracle – and with one final sigh of satisfaction, the velvety darkness of deep, sated sleep came for Meredith and it was divine. _

_She listened to Derek whisper to Ruby, connecting with her – his joy evident with each passing murmur – for as tired as he was, he took care of his family. Because it wasn't about them anymore, for he was Ruby's father and her insightful lover and therein he knew she wouldn't just sleep if Ruby was awake and connecting … no, not yet, for she was too new to know or feel loneliness._

"Sleep baby," Derek encouraged softly, training his eyes on Ruby's as he leaned forward and kissed the bridge of her nose.

He pulled away and ran his fingertip back and forth, _slowly, slowly_ up and down the small bridge _– her eyes still locked on his_ – they stared at one another … still infatuated … still connected – _slowly, slowly, slowly_ – he watched her eyes dip shut and the open once more and then he wondered if she too wouldn't stand for loneliness – _he smiled, like mother like daughter_ – and therein he _slowly, slowly_ soothed and coaxed the baby into a peaceful slumber and much like her mommy, she finally acquiesced.

"That's right baby … sleep," Derek encouraged, finally resting his head upon his pillow. "Sleep now, nana's coming for dinner," he whispered softly, watching with bated breath as his girls slept – _the comfort of the Shepherd's Pie, evident in the air now, the fire crackled and popped in the distance _– his eyes dipped shut. "Sleep … we'll always be here," he promised and he meant it.

###

_The grayscale shadows of light and life become darker and darker still, but __their__ life force is still there – omnipresent, so strong and meaningful and powerful it is all I can suddenly sense and feel – and within the energy of those disappearing shadows, my own portals to the shallow depths of my new world begin to close and I am once again alone, but not lonely. No, never lonesome. _

_For much like my time spent in the dark velvety underworld from whence I came – the reverberations, the cherished and familiar sounds of my shadows, those of my parents – are stronger than ever before, for I am with them now, not only in spirit but in body and mind as well._

_Relaxing, I instinctively match the intake of the sweet, hot, woodsy air of my homestead into my body, my exhales also shallow as I let myself bask in the sounds of my parents as they dream and sleep, those peaceful sounds of their bodies as they too began to rest. _

_And as I drift off, the sounds of my new life are only more soothing as I hear in the far off distance, the familiar hiss and crackle of the family hearth I would grow up to love and appreciate and keep warm by, for it is also special, cohesive via a hot band of it's own wild shadows – and much like a heart – it has a life force of it's own making._

_And so I let the sounds of my new life lull me off to a dark and easy slumber by which there are no forms of light and no forms of shadows, though my connection remains intact via small touches, simple caresses and words of love and appreciation – for it is their acute happiness I feel – and I can feel it even now, even when I am lost within my own sleepy world of dreams. _

_Yes, I can feel it, I can feel the power of 'them' – for I belong to them, and they to me – they are my parents for all time … whether I am awake or asleep, I am theirs and they are mine. _

"_I am your quiet place; you are my wild."_

**Chapter 2 to follow. **


	2. Chapter 2, Scent

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: Thanks for your lovely notes on the first chapter and you may now see why this story has just 12 chapters ... one for each month of Ruby's first year, a ficlet. Please continue to let me know how you feel, it means so much to me. Also thanks to "****Greysgal84" for your anonymous note, I like to reply to those who comment, but can't when they are made anonymously, so thank you!**

**Chapter 2 – Scent**

"_I am your calm face; you are my giggle."_

_As the shadows of my new life slowly diminish, they are replaced by tiny details. Details I think others might miss, but for me, they are suddenly everything. For though I still love those shadows of my parents, it is with the details that I learn they are not one in the same. That they come and go as they please – they divide and conquer leaving me with tiny fragmented moments with just one – though the other always come back. _

_They are innately different from one another; I see that now, with my new clarity, this new layer of my new life._

_I see my luminous, gentle one, my soft one – plenty of light, wild hair, whimsical eyes, a round face and that sweet smell I cannot live without – for I take nourishment from my light one when I am hungry. We are bonded, energy flows between us unlike with any other I have seen or been in contact with. There is something else I have I common with my light one too – it is a fostered sense of myself – for we are naturally similar in the way we are to our true selves: soft and billowy and warm and giving and also strong. _

_I also see my darker one, my hard one with the harder body, but the touch still gentle much like my lighter one. Except there are those innate differences – the darker hair, also shorter, intense beautiful eyes, also darker – a more angular face, more serious, yet with those special smiles made just for me … like the deeper tone of voice and the way it becomes more melodic when those darker eyes are focused solely on me. Those endless depths sometimes unsure, but always comforting, like the scent of my darker one – it more closely resembles the salt of the earth and much like the hearth and it's wild heat – it draws me near and keeps me safe. _

_So safe as I am presently, wrapped up in an envelope of my darker one's woodsy heat, my cheek pressed against that harder body I know I can rely upon while the more serious, yet melodic tone of voice billows in the air all around us. _

###

Derek backed away from the cliff, his hands cradling Ruby's tush, her warm body pressed against his via the baby carrier, he could feel her hot breath fan his heart through his fleece jacket – _hot, life, warm, peace_ – he eyed the sleepy town below all the while carefully calculating how long he'd been gone, how far he might have walked. He sighed and backed further away from the cliff, raising his arm, he glanced at his watch; he'd been out for about twenty minutes. His mind zoomed forward into the future then – _a twenty minute walk _– an arduous task for a toddler, but a quick jaunt for a small child or teenager, it seemed they might have to line the cliff with a boundary fence … _eventually._ He sighed and smiled inwardly at his antics and pressed his nose onto Ruby's head, breathing her in through the delicate crochet of her mint green cap.

"All in due time," he breathed; stopping to cherish the baby she was right now. "Let's head back kiddo … nana and Dr. Bailey should almost be here," he whispered into the thin air before he kissed the baby's head. "We don't want mommy to worry about us," he mused thoughtfully. "She has enough on her mind, she's overwrought … doesn't want to back to work and leave you," he cooed, his wet eyes scanning the overcast sky.

_Turning away from the overlook, Derek inhaled a deep breath of the heavy, salt infused air. Grounding himself, he took his time, with his range of motion somewhat encumbered from the baby's position against his hips and his view of the ground beneath him also obstructed – he took his time – carefully retracing his steps, one by one, all the while he spoke to his love baby. _

"She's such a good mommy, she's the best … we just have to remind her …," he sighed, looking into the dense forest all around him. He turned and navigated his way back down. "I want what she wants, whatever that is – _I want her to have everything _– and we both want you to have everything," he mused; the leaves rustled overhead before all was quiet again; the wind died down. "We both love you so much … but for your mommy, this choice hurts … but here's the thing …," he sighed, his eyes scanning the thinning forest. "Your mommy –_ she's brilliant _– she really is … and I … one day she's gonna save a lot of lives," he soothed, pressing his nose onto Ruby's head as a tear slipped from his eye and rested on his cheek.

_He stopped and took a lingering deep breath, still protected by the canopy of the looming pines, still inside the peace and solitude of his confessional, the cabin – their future – in plain sight once again, the chimney expelling twirls of white smoke, the scent of the hearth infusing with the sea air … they were almost home. He smiled and tried to tether his heart, tried to find some kind of wisdom to pass on to Meredith, for he was worried about her and how this decision to return to work might change her._

"It's a hard decision … but we love you … so much … and Moira, she seems really perfect for you … and you know mommy and daddy wouldn't trust just anyone with you …," he soothed, flicking that fallen tear away. "You're our everything – _you just remember that and we'll all be fine and take care of each other _– it's the best we can do," he reflected now, daring himself to step beyond the protection of the forest.

_The wind changed direction and pushed against his back – the leaves danced with invisible force – push, push, he moved on and forward, his eyes scanning the clearing of their homestead - smoke stack twirled, almost home – he caught a glimpse of the water and then 'Doc's place' and absentmindedly changed his own direction, heading down that way now – his footsteps marked only by the crackling leaves, he walked down, down, down – tilting his head, he peeked at Ruby's face, her side profile perfectly illuminated against the dark fabric of his fleece. He ran his cool fingertip along her warm flushed cheek, just connecting as he came to stand before the memory of their more turbulent times, their beginning. _

_He sighed, his heavy, hot breath twirled into the air in front of him as he moved his eyes over and beyond Doc's place – losing himself in the diamonds of the shimmering water – he closed his eyes for a beat and listened to the wind and the water suffuse together – along with the faint trickle of the fountain in the anterior courtyard at the 'Zen cottage' also there now as he vacillated between the past and the future and the present … Ruby's warm aura still encapsulating him … grounding him as he did. _

_Tears stung his eyes as he opened them and swayed on his feet – gently rocking the baby to the melody of the symphony that played all around them – the same symphony that had always been here, but meant something else entirely when he first bought this land. For at the time the melody screamed of self-imposed solitude … of banishment … of betrayal too. It taunted and haunted him and made him feel alone in the world. And maybe he was – but as he persevered and sought refuge, it became his soundtrack for that time in his life and only when he brought Meredith out here – did he feel a sense of hope – for her energy, her wide accepting eyes and her bright mischievous smile somehow breathed new life into the reckless abandonment of his own. _

He shook his head and chuckled softly. "My how time changes," he mused. "One day at time … we'll take it one day at a time," he sighed softly, his eyes still scanning the landscape in front of him.

_Tires crackled over the earth behind Derek, effectively pulling him from his reverie. He turned around as the car idled, watching now as his old friend and his mother exited the car. His mother waved to him with a smile as she walked up the stonework steps. Miranda popped the trunk and pulled a box and a gift bag from within. She closed it with her elbow and stood still while Derek watched her take in the serenity all around her – for it was like that for some, whenever they came out here – they felt it, much like Meredith and Derek did, they felt how the world stopped spinning and that was left was the wind moving through the trees and the current moving through the water. He sighed and raised his hand and Miranda nodded with a smile – he exhaled a breath and realized he was somewhat relieved to see her – she stayed put as Derek began to make his way up to meet her. _

"Hmm," he smiled as he walked. "Let me tell you about the _real_ Miranda Bailey – _never mind all that Cristina has said to you_ – never you mind," he chuckled. "She's a good friend … here to meet you and coax your mommy back to work, luring her with promises that only _she _would able to keep," he mused, knowing that Bailey knew how hard it was to balance it all: _work, baby, life_. "Well … she's the keeper of our sanity sometimes … and if there's anything we've learned, it's that Miranda Bailey knows what this balancing act is like," he sighed, thinking about Bailey and her plight, her will, her way. "And your mommy might not be ready to go back – _but they are ready and waiting for her_ – they need her, just like we do …," he sighed, making eye contact with Bailey now. "So come on little one, lets get you home and introduced," he chuckled breathlessly as he approached the cabin, promises of the future warming his heart now as he did.

###

"She's adorable Meredith," Miranda cooed from her spot within the deep comfort of the sofa, taking in the new stance her once-troubled intern seemed rather comfortable within – _motherhood _– it suited her like a second skin. She inched closer, doting now on the infant's captivating features. "She has your nose, I think," she sighed, titling her head to the side.

"She does, I think so too," Meredith scrutinized with a giggle, cradling the sleeping baby in her arms. She turned toward Bailey. "It's funny, the last six weeks with her have felt like a lifetime, days are bleeding into nights – _but she's an amazing light source for us_ – although you know what it's like, Tuck's just as amazing," she murmured, nudging her mentor with her elbow.

"Hmm, well … that child is too cute for his own good," Miranda chided, meeting the cool green of Meredith's eyes. "But we're thinking of keeping him anyway," she chuckled with a wry grin.

_Miranda smiled – enjoying the rare few hours off without the hospital in plain sight – she missed her boy of course and would have loved to spend this time with him too, but in the end she only managed the time "off" on the pretense that she would discuss the details of the Chief's plan for Meredith's return to her internship with her while she was here. She sighed and took a sip of her tea – her eyes darting around the cozy family home Meredith and Derek had created – it had been a while since she'd been out here, but the energy was just the same as ever: warm and full of peace, secluded … but open and free too. _

Meredith held Ruby close –_ her heart shaking as she did – _with Bailey sitting next to her and the terms of her return to work on the tip of her tongue, she all of a sudden had cold feet. She shook her head and took a deep breath – _she could do this, Bailey does it successfully, not everyone ends up like her mother _– she could do this, she could maintain the balance. With just the right amount of support, Ruby would be more than well taken care of – _she had to remember that_ – with Derek's reduction in his hours and the arrival of their chosen nanny – _Moira Fairbanks, Larissa's very bright and excited younger sister_ – there was no doubt that Ruby would feel grounded and connected and loved.

The two women locked eyes for a beat then – _each no doubt lost within their own conflicting worlds_ – Meredith blinked her hormonal tears back, leaning into Miranda's warmth, watching now as her stern mentor's eyes softened around the edges – _suddenly no more than warm brown pools filled with endless compassion _– the new mother sniffled and Miranda tilted her head and pressed her lips together, perhaps biting her tongue _– the expression on her face unlike anything Meredith had seen adorned on her serious face before_ – and she wondered what exactly it was made from: _pity, longing, empathy_?

Still lost within her mentor's eyes, Meredith took a cleansing deep breath and let the warmth of the hearth consume her, absentmindedly twirling her heirloom ring around her finger, a source of comfort now as she leaned down to press a lingering kiss to her sleeping baby's head – '_breathe, breathe, breathe'_ – she coached herself now. Closing her eyes – _she let the baby's peace of mind soothe her – 'she could do this'_, she chanted from somewhere deep inside, her internal cacophony only interrupted by Derek's hearty chuckle where she turned her head and found him standing at the counter with his mother. She smiled, watching the two Shepherds, standing together, their eyes bright and wet as he held a small pink scrub cap – _the edges adorned with white eyelet lace, the crochet stitch just as delicate as the baby who would wear it_ – Derek beamed and turned toward Meredith.

"Would you look at this?" he laughed, walking toward Meredith and Bailey holding the delicate baby scrub cap up. "From Kathleen and Nancy," he smiled as he sat down next to Meredith.

"That could be the cutest thing I have ever seen," Meredith sighed, her fingertips moving along the tiny ridges of woven fabric. She found Derek's gaze. "I love it, we'll call them later," she giggled.

"Where on earth did they find something like this? It's really something and sewn to scale," Bailey surmised, still quite awestruck by Meredith's gaiety and how new motherhood really agreed with her.

"Mom's friend Helen made it," he chuckled. "She could make a crochet version of just about anything, right mom?" he called over his shoulder.

"That's right, she certainly has a gift," Carolyn said as she exited the kitchen and made her way to the trio with a tray of food. "Let me set this here," she smiled, setting the tray down on the coffee table.

The foursome took stock of the offerings – _a variety of sandwiches, cut in half, tortellini salad with tomatoes and mozzarella, muffins, plates, napkins, white chocolate chip cookies and a bowl of fresh mango cubes _– something for everyone. Meredith stood and carefully set Ruby in her bassinette, her deep sleep uninterrupted – _her little bed warmed by the heat from the hearth_ – the little life force slept and dreamt on and on, her world a beautiful place and Meredith found herself basking in her energy for a long, private moment before she finally turned away.

"She okay?" Derek asked softly, his bright eyes scanning Meredith's.

"Oh yeah … sleeping," Meredith mused with her own dreamy smile as she sat down next to her lover. He handed a plate to her and she nudged his side and smiled. "Can you believe I still can't get enough of this stuff?" she asked him with a mischievous grin.

Wasting no time before she spooned some of the fresh mango fruit onto her plate and fluidly into her mouth – _the sweet flesh collided with her taste buds, funneling down her throat _– calming her, soothing her … _reminding her_. She regarded Derek – _hungry for him now too_ – her cheeks heated. It was no secret that it had been a long six weeks for them, for she had been disinterested in sex until a day or two ago – _but now that her post-delivery check up was imminent_ – there as no holding back, they teased each other relentlessly and Meredith could only hope that making love with Derek wouldn't feel any different, despite the differences she felt with her body.

"Hmm, well …," Derek muttered with a grin, making note of his recompense: _the swift darkening of his lover's emerald eyes. _Leaning closer, he whispered into Meredith's ear. "You know, you'll always turn me on – _I only need you _– I still can't get enough of you," he reassured before pressing a kiss to her temple.

Meredith's melodic giggle filled the air as she playfully batted Derek's forearm. Her eyes shone, the transparency of her want and love for her man on full display now as she locked her gateways with his and held him there. Leaning closer, she whispered into his ear.

"I know, I do know that and you'll always be enough for me too," she murmured, pressing a kiss to his neck, her eyes meeting Carolyn's for a beat when she pulled away. She smiled at the doting mothers sitting with them. Bailey smiled with her eyes. "Thanks for bringing the monthly delivery with you Dr. Bailey," she smirked, tossing a wink in Derek's direction before she met Miranda's eyes again.

"Oh, behave!" she scoffed, Carolyn giggling right along with her, for the couple's penchant for the island fruit had long-since been at the center of plenty of snarky, playful sexual innuendos from family and friends alike.

###

_A short while later, Derek sat within earshot of Meredith and Miranda as they quietly discussed the terms of her return to work. Glancing up from his crossword puzzle, he basked in the comfortable balance for a beat – his mother stood at the counter in the throes of preparing one of her new casserole recipes, Ruby at Meredith's breast, Miranda talking shop – it was all so surreal and nine months ago, he would have never believed he would be sitting right here, right now … but he was and it was a beautiful thing. _

_Derek regarded his mother, watching over her back as she worked – he would miss her, miss having her around, miss watching her with Ruby – and in that moment he realized he might miss her more now than at any other time in his life, for she was his child's grandmother … his child's special 'soft' someone. His heart squeezed deep inside his chest – pinch, pinch – his mind had landed on his father. He missed him too, perhaps even more now that they had spent the last few weeks on and off with his mother. _

_And to this point, her desire to 'be there' for him and Meredith and Ruby was nothing short of a miracle for all of them. For Ruby was a Shepherd – his mother made that clear over and over again – her affinity for her newest grandchild who shared her own last name had connected her to the baby in a way that maybe she hadn't expected but was overjoyed to experience._

_The proud father inside of him sighed as he looked away now – scanning the nooks and crannies of his beloved homestead – yes … his mother was leaving tomorrow and there was a very real chance that they would not see her again until their wedding – though decidedly not a 'church wedding', the planning was underway, some thought to a destination style ceremony, warm places reminiscent of Bali came to mind, somewhere in The Bahamas, a likely winner – the result … adding yet another Shepherd to the mix: Meredith. _

_He smiled on the thought and he was unable to stop his mind from wandering into the vast unknown of the future, Ruby would be going on six months old by then – six months old, it seemed so far away, yet he knew the blessed day would be here before they knew it – and Ruby would already be six months old, he could hardly get over it. Six months. Tears pricked his eyes, he reigned himself in, knowing they would have to say good-bye to his mother for now and that time would indeed move on and forward – their love-baby was already growing up – he made eye contact with Meredith from across the room then and smiled, well aware that this last separation from his mother would be bittersweet for her too, for her 'mother' was leaving her as well. _

_Meredith smiled in return before she focused on Bailey once again, but Derek stared at her still – this woman who had become the love of his life – their love-baby at her breast, surely happily nursing under the lightweight receiving blanket draped over Meredith's shoulder; only her little pajama covered feet visible. Meredith found his gaze again and she held him there inside the moment this time wherein he smiled weakly and silently asked her if she needed him to which she pressed her lips together and shook her head ever so slightly … no, no … she was okay for now._

"_So tell me about this nanny you've hired,"_ he heard Miranda ask and watched as a smile graced Meredith's face.

_Derek listened to Meredith 'introduce' Moira Fairbanks to Bailey. Moira came to them by way of Larissa, the youngest of the Fairbanks children – the black sheep of the family (the only one without an affinity for medicine), the one who always wanted to live in the States – the one who was now due to arrive next week. At twenty-two years of age, it wasn't long ago that Moira had made it very clear that she was heading to live in America and that she planned to make her home in the uncharted territory of New York City; something her parents were worried sick over. And so was Larissa. _

_So, left to her own devices, the shrewd older sister brokered a deal that made everyone happy (Meredith and Derek included). And in the end, it was arranged that Moira would come to the States and nanny for Meredith and Derek (her most trusted friends) who needed someone like her sister (lighthearted, but headstrong and responsible) while Moira was put into a position where she could fulfill her dreams: to live in the States and study the culinary arts (her true passion). _

_Set to arrive next week, the timing had worked beautifully for all. Moira was set to move into Meredith's mother's house where she would share the expenses there – she would come out to the cabin to nanny during the day and those nights when she did not have classes – but most of all they really liked her, even from their chats over the telephone, they had bonded with her and had already begun to treat her like a member of their growing extended family. _

Meredith finished rubbing Ruby's back, cradling her small skull with one had as she did. She smiled at Bailey – _a calming sense of energy washing over her as they discussed their plans to have Moira nanny for them _– and therein she felt like a mother, like she was invested in finding the perfect nurturing person to be with Ruby and in Moira, she was certain they had found that person. Add to that her affinity for the younger student now that she had gotten o know her, the thought of her being alone in New York City without anyone, well, it concerned Meredith _– and for all the gallivanting around_ _she did on her own_ – she sure wished someone gave half a thought to her whereabouts when she was that age.

Her mind naturally drifted to her mother then – _and how could it not, for_ _she was consumed with guilt over __wanting__ to return to work_ – she was needed there and was mildly jealous of her pack who would soon be engaged in some kind of residents' contest, the likes of which just sounded so … _thrilling_. And as much as she wanted to deny this innate part of herself, it didn't change the fact that she really wanted to be there, back at work, surrounded by the mysteries of medicine – _but even more than that_ – she was a mother first now and she felt that also, right along side the part of her that wanted to cut – _private tears of anguish stung at her eyes_ – no, no … she didn't want Ruby to suffer because of it or long for her in the way that she secretly pined for her mother.

She took a deep breath and tried to go easy on herself – _she could hear Derek's voice inside her head now – 'it'll all be okay, you'll figure out how you feel'_, he had said time and time again and yet, even though she hadn't figured it out yet, she curiously found herself prompting Bailey for more information on the happenings involving this passionate medical _'contest'_, which she knew was Bailey's mission for the day – _to assess, to pique her interest_ – to entice her to come back to work, mother to mother, surgeon to would-be surgeon, she knew Miranda Bailey far to well to assume she would allow Meredith Grey to walk away from surgery and in doing so she fell for the bait.

"So … the most resourceful resident wins … a sparkle pager?" she asked, eying Miranda carefully, she cocked her head. Surely her mentor wasn't telling her everything. "What else? What aren't you telling me?" she asked, wondering what, if anything, this contest had to do with her; technically she was still a first-year surgical intern.

"Sleepless nights have nothing on you Grey – _look, you're in_ – that's what I'm dancing around, if you want to be … you can compete," she stated boldly, her eyes fixed on Meredith's wherein she spotted a flash of something, what was it: _interest, excitement, longing?_

"But how?" she asked, her eyes moving between Bailey's and Derek's, her man still sitting on the other side of the room.

"Well, listen … mom to mom, I know how hard it is to feel mommy-tracked, I can't say I enjoyed it, I missed cutting and I know eventually you will too, if you don't get back into the game, you might regret it," she sighed, fastening her eyes to Meredith's vacillating orbs. She smiled and shook her head. "And while I appreciate the time you spent down at the clinic and agree with everyone that you could run that place with your eyes shut – _I think_ – well, do you want to know what I think?" she asked, tilting her head.

Meredith shifted in her seat. "Of course I do," Meredith answered.

Looking up, she found Derek crossing the room. He sat down beside her. "So do I," he offered with a wry grin.

"I think you have potential as a surgeon– _you're a good doctor, compassionate and passionate enough to get into trouble_ – and I think you should put your surgical skills to the test because …," she smiled, her voice trailing off as she watched Meredith hand Ruby to Derek, burp cloth on his shoulder, he cradled the baby, rubbing her tiny frame with his hand.

"Because …," Meredith prompted, tilting her head to meet Miranda's wandering gaze.

Bailey chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Because I already talked to the Chief – _and he agreed_ – if you compete and win, he'll forgive the time you spent on Bali and down in the clinic," she stated evenly with a raised brow.

"He'll forgive it," Meredith breathed, once again quite mystified by the persuasive powers of Dr. Miranda Bailey.

"Yep … if you win, you'll be back with your pack … a second year surgical resident," she stated clearly, her dark eyes dancing with enthusiasm.

Derek nudged Meredith, a broad smile moving along his handsome face. He kissed the top of the baby's head; her sleeping form now nestled in the cradle-hold of his arms. "So …," he prompted, pressing his lips together as he tried to assess his lover's interest in Bailey's proposition.

"So – _I'm no dummy_ – tell me more about this sparkle pager," Meredith giggled with intrigue.

###

"Now Ruby, you be good for mommy and daddy," Carolyn cooed, fixing her eyes to the quiet alert infant's, secretly marveling at her beauty. Ruby cooed softly in response. "Is that all you have to say?" she whispered playfully as the baby's grasp grew tighter around her pointer finger. "Do you see this?" she asked Meredith with a proud chuckle.

"I do … smart baby," Meredith doted. "Looks like she doesn't want you to leave either," she half-kidded.

Carolyn shook her head and smiled before she turned her attention back to Ruby, her dark green eyes sparkling, despite the late afternoon light. "I'll miss you too little one," she soothed with a soft smile before she looked up to find Meredith. She sighed and smiled with her lips pressed together. "So … this contest … it's an opportunity," she ventured carefully without judgment.

_Raising her brow, she waited – testing the waters – for she wanted to see where Meredith was with respect to Miranda's offer, for she knew the gamut of issues Meredith had been quietly sparring with for the last few hours. _

"It is …," Meredith agreed with a racing heart.

She sighed heavily, trying to alleviate the tightening of her chest; her eyes pinned on Ruby, carefree and at ease within her grandmother's abundant embrace … _safe, warm, home _… suddenly soafraid to look up to find Carolyn for fear of what her unbridled emotions might do to her if she did – _a surge consumed her, she was lost at sea _– she released the energy, her internal quandary halted by Carolyn's warm hand on her forearm.

"Meredith," she sighed softly, maintaining her physical hold on the new mother. "While Derek and Dr. Bailey are engaged … why don't you talk to me, that's what I'm here for," she mused.

"I could … but maybe you could just tell me what do," Meredith breathed with a chuckle. "I mean … I want to do this _– for crying out loud, I was on my way back_ – back to being a first year, back to making up for lost time …," she rambled softly.

"But now …," Carolyn prodded gently.

"Now … I don't know – _a second year resident overnight –_ what if I'm not ready?" she confessed, _'what if I can't do it all'_ she wanted to ask but her mind went blank instead. She shook her head, the _'what if's' _near insurmountable now. "What if this is all too big for me? What if I can't balance it all?" she asked softly, her voice cracking under pressure.

Carolyn inched closer and instinctively set the baby down into the cradle of her mother's arms. "You are ready for all of this – _and you feel this way because you're supposed to_ – you're conflicted," she sighed breathlessly, tilting her head. "You can do this Meredith – _you can compete_ – Derek thinks you're bound to win too," she encouraged, turning inward, she pressed her hand to the young mother's cheek. "You'll see – _you can do this_ – just take it day by day," she soothed.

Meredith's eyes opened wide upon hearing Carolyn's choice of words – _Derek's voice funneled through her mind now too_ – she gathered Ruby in her arms in response, rocking the baby to this instinctual melody she found within, _'you can do this Meredith'_, came Derek's voice again and then she smiled.

"Day by day? Is that how you managed at first?" she asked Carolyn after a minute, hard-pressed to believe the woman wasn't _born _to be a mother.

Carolyn chuckled. "That's how I still do it," she said with a firm nod of her head. "Motherhood is forever Meredith – _if it wasn't – _I wouldn't be here now with all of you," she mused thoughtfully.

_And with that, Carolyn did the only thing she could do, she doted on her granddaughter with the baby's mother – she pulled Meredith into a tighter hug, her arm draped over her trim shoulders – and stared in quiet awe at the little life force that had changed all of their lives already. Tears stung her eyes – for the sweet baby with her mother's eyes and abundant dark hair like her father's would be six months old before she held her again – her son's baby, first born and already a love, so sweet, innocent, just like her father once was a long, long time ago … she sniffled and blinked her tears back, silently thanking God for the creation of digital cameras and email. _

###

"I wish life wasn't about to be so busy, I wish we were back on Bali with Ketut and Wayan," Meredith sighed with a soft whisper. She smiled and lost herself in Ruby's quite alert gaze, her heart clamored. "I wish you could stay the same innocent little baby you are right now– _and I do wish, somewhere in my heart that I did not … wish to be a surgeon –_ but … I do," she confessed softly.

She looked away briefly and flicked a small tear away from the corner of her eye, catching it on her fingertip before it even had a chance to be real. She looked down and felt the ebb and flow of their energy as it passed between them – _mother to daughter and back again_ – she smiled softly and basked in their peace for a moment before she continued whispering to her love baby.

"If I close my eyes, I can get myself back to this magical time in my life, the single most amazing months of my life to date _– the time when I fell in love with your daddy all over again_ – if I close my eyes, I can wish for this time to repeat itself and I can relive it in my mind's eye," she soothed with a sigh. "I can feel the sun and hear the ocean and see for my own eyes Wayan's peace-filled gateways – _eyes so pure, so deep_ – hmm, an untapped well of knowledge," she mused, her fingertips stroking through Ruby's soft raven locks. "Do you hear that too baby – _it's Bali and it's always calling for us_ – luring us with our lovely and peaceful memories," she smiled brightly. "And one day, you will see it all for yourself, I promise – _even with how busy our life will soon become _– I promise … you will …," she mused wistfully.

More tears gathered and this time she let them fall, _pop, pop, pop … pop._ She shook her head, for the day's events were still weighing on Meredith's mind, even now, even into the wee hours of the night – _peeking down, she watched Ruby as her suckling became less enthusiastic –_ the fragmented moonlight shone through the window, resting along the infant's cheek, a hint of blue mixed with her natural rosy tone resulted in a majestic lavender hue … one she wore beautifully.

The baby blinked and released her latch, signaling that she was indeed finished, full, sated. Meredith smiled and tucked her breast back into her nightshirt, utterly exhausted after a short twenty-minute feeding. She sighed and then secretly wondered how she would do this – _be up in the middle of the night on the nights she was home, be on-call other nights and miss the middle of the night feedings she secretly loved_ – how was she to manage? How did women do this?

Her heart raced and she did her best to let her weary mind rest. Closing her eyes for a beat she tilted her head back and inhaled a long, deep breath of sweet air, their baby … their home … her elixir – _'breathe, breathe, breathe'_ – she chanted silently as images of Bali suffused with her desire for peace. She opened her eyes and smiled down at the tired baby, watching her dark green eyes dip shut. She sighed and rocked her chair, daring herself to sort this all out, to somehow come to terms with wanting to return to work and compete in this contest. She stared at Ruby's sleeping form, seeking for the answers she so desperately wanted to find.

"I love you," she declared softly into the quiet private of the night, her heart on fire with that love.

She rocked the chair, it creaked under her weight, she felt her body become heavier just like Ruby's – _but she only held on tighter, relishing in these moments alone_ – full well knowing that regardless of whether she tossed herself into this contest or not, these secluded moments alone would not last forever. She took a deep breath and felt the life of Ruby's heat encapsulate her and only then did she surrender to her peaceful energy.

"I'm nervous," she finally confessed, hidden well inside the baby's canopy of quiet calm. "Being a surgical resident – _it's hard, demanding, wonderful and scary too –_ it's a huge responsibility and I'm scared … maybe I won't be enough for you … or my patients … I'm scared," she heaved, her breathing shallow; her heart racing the Preakness.

"_You don't have to be,"_ came the soft timbre of Derek's voice as it filled the intimate quiet all around them.

Meredith opened her eyes to find him – _her lover, her sounding board, her everything_ – his disheveled appearance perfectly accentuated by the darkened enclave of their room behind him, his pajama bottoms hanging low from his hips, an old t-shirt offering just enough nighttime comfort. He smiled and pushed himself away from the doorjamb, gliding into the room with ease and agility, despite his apparent exhaustion. He smiled weakly, his eyes sparkling in the fragmented light – _leaning over, he kissed her lips, he tasted of toothpaste and aftershave _– he pulled away and pressed a pulsing kiss to the baby's crown before he sat down on the ottoman, the small of his back wedged against her feet, she rubbed him there, silently connecting. Her mind wild with untamed images _– nights such as these slipping away, becoming her history before she even got started _– she was overwrought; she trembled inside.

"Your mother is gone," she announced breathlessly, rubbing her toes against her lover's back. He leaned into her touch.

_Derek sighed and pressed his lips together, carefully assessing Meredith's state of mind – he couldn't pretend to know how she felt – for she was Ruby's mother and given her upbringing she he of course was well aware that she was more than conflicted about her desire for a demanding career such as theirs. _

_He smiled and tilted his head, waiting for her to take the lead in the discussion, for how she chose to balance her desires was solely up to her, despite that she may end up wanting his opinions, the choice had to be hers – and thankfully – she had a choice, which if he asked her, she would say, it was the hardest decision she had yet to make in her life, even leaving Seattle for Bali paled in comparison to this._

_So to say he was concerned about her was an understatement – but he was prepared – or he had prepared himself, for in the last couple of weeks he had spoken with several trusted women, all with high authority on the subject matter: his mother, Ketut, Jyothi, Larissa and Bailey. And within this consortium of esteemed women, Derek found his own balance of sorts – he found his way, the way to sit back and wait for Meredith – and to that point, he was confident that she would find hers … her way of balancing it all, for she was the mother and that was what mothers did. _

_She could do this, he decided – she could do this, find happiness – within that keen balance of nurturing her mind, body and spirit … she would. Plus, there was no doubt in his mind that she wanted to compete in this residents' contest and that she could very well win (odds he would put money on if he could)._

"I feel like I've been pushed out of the nest …," she muttered after a minute, leaning down, she pressed a small kiss to Ruby's crown before she looked up and found Derek … waiting for her.

She smiled and raised the baby – _Derek leaned in and folded the little one into the cradle of his arms _– her little hand flew up to his chin. He smiled, his heart melting; he was so in love … _love, love, love. _

"Maybe you'll feel better after you speak with Ketut tomorrow …," he soothed, pushing himself to a standing position.

Meredith followed his lead – _watching as he skillfully checked the baby's diaper without ever laying her down, pinch, pinch_ – she smiled, still watching as he set Ruby into her crib – _her sleep-positioner, keeping her from rolling to her stomach _– she kicked her feet happily and stared back at them with quiet awe.

"Hmm, yeah …," she sighed, leaning into her lover's heat as he draped his arm along her shoulders. Her head found the crook of his neck. "Night baby," she soothed, brushing her fingertip along the baby soft flesh of Ruby's fuller cheek.

"Sweet dreams baby girl," Derek cooed softly, locking his eyes on Ruby's sleepy orbs before she turned her head and craned her neck up, her tapestry a new focal point now.

Derek smiled and pulled Meredith near before he kissed the top of her head – _she smelled like flowers and mango and soap, sweet, musty_ – and uniquely _'her'_ as her essence filled his nostrils and then his lungs. He smiled. "And Jyothi will be out for your check up …," he mused, a hint of mischief in his voice.

Meredith tilted her head up while Derek ducked down and kissed her – _losing sight of the baby for a stolen moment in time, they stepped back, once, twice_ – all the while they kissed and kissed, moving closer and closer to one another, the handsome swell of Meredith's sensitive breasts between them – _Derek's hips bucking forward, his body's need instinctual _– her core stirring with innate desire for her man, it was true – _they were fine_ – fully aligned in mind, body and spirit. And as their mouths mated, they knew this for sure as their hearts beat wildly for one another … their draw … their power was all the evidence they would ever need. Meredith pulled away first –_ a breathless chuckle fell from her open mouth – _he had stolen her breath away … again … and she had stolen his.

"We'll be fine … we can handle this," she murmured, pressing her lips to his neck before she turned back just in time to see Ruby's eyes dip shut, no doubt her soulful gateways already filled with dreams.

"We are – _we already are_ – more than fine," Derek sighed, running his arm along the length of Meredith's shoulder, down to her elbow. "We're blessed," he declared, realizing once again that there was nothing quite like watching Ruby sleep. "I love you," he whispered after a long minute, the timbre of his voice barely above a whisper.

_Meredith smiled and rolled into his arms, her move instinctual, her need innate – as were his – gathering her in his arms, he held her tight, his lips pressed to the top of her head, his eyes pinned on their love baby as she drifted off to dreamland, all the while he breathed her in … his anchor, his lover, his would-be wife and so much more. He felt her relax in his arms and therein he was assured once again that they were fine, more than fine. _

"I love you too," she whispered in that same soft tone, her naked toes brushing against his as they swayed and rocked to a silent melody of their own making. "I miss Bali, Derek …," she confessed softly. "Having the baby here just reminds me of how much I loved our time there … falling in love with you again," she sighed, holding on for dear life while he did the same.

Their feet shuffled, his hands moved up and down her back. "I loved falling in love with you again too … it was magical," he smiled, swaying his lover in his arms – _so comfortable and warm_ – so at home now they could have been floating, free-floating in the warm, endless blue of the Indian Ocean.

"It was …," she also agreed, for it really was –_ magical, the stuff of dreams _– now the foundation of their life together.

"We'll go back … and before you know it too," he assured definitively, because he knew they would make the time and effort to go back, time and time again.

Meredith sighed and peeked up with a smile. "You can _'remind me'_ though … even sooner, we can remind each other," she whispered thickly, her throaty giggle filling the space between them. She drew herself even closer to her lover, watching his cerulean eyes darken with playful sparks of his sex appeal she loved so much.

"Hmm, I like where your head is," he husked, drawing her near before he captured her sweet lips with his. "What time is Jyothi coming out tomorrow?" he cackled against her open mouth, catching a glimpse of her playful dancing eyes as he did – _his core stirred, ignited by her fuel and the rosy tint to her cheeks_ – his heart raced at the thought of making love with her again.

She snickered and pulled back, breathless from his kisses – _his hands threaded through her wild tresses_ – he held her there, captivating her with his apparent want of her and sometimes that was all it took … they would be fine, they already were more than fine.

"I can't wait either," she whispered softly, flanking her hands along his handsome face. She smiled, watching his eyes become glassy, shimmering like reflective pools against the pale moonlight. "As much as we might feel different –_ I want you _– so badly," she said, her eyes fastened to his.

"I want you too – _different; the same –_ it doesn't matter as long as it's me … and you … _us_ …," he suspired breathlessly into their dewy heat –_ his chest tight, his voice laden with emotion he hadn't expected _– for it was no secret that he missed Meredith, missed their brand of intimacy, he missed the power of _'them'_ and perhaps he didn't realize just how much until now.

"Us …," Meredith whispered, burrowing deeper into their heat. "Kiss me …," she ordered breathlessly.

And so he did – _folding his lover into the deep pocket of safety within his arm, they were fine, her fears were allayed and he was confident she would find her balance_ – so confident in their power as he swayed her and rocked her and loved her as they danced and kissed on the premise of their innate mental, physical and spiritual connectivity _– the essence of 'them' smoldering from their cores, heating them up from the inside out now_ – their harmony filling the thick, warm air of the small nursery tucked within the deep woods where their love baby fell fast asleep beneath their awesome canopy of peace – _this place where secrets and fears and hopes and dreams would often be revealed _– and even more often, realized.

###

_My space is darker now, a dim glow surrounds my parents as I close my eyes briefly and listen to them – I turn my attention to my familiar shadows and lose myself within the pattern of alternating ribbons – they are light, dark, light, dark – representative of something important just like my parents. I become heavier and I feel tired and sated and as I do I feel a sensation shroud me – I feel Bali, this warm facet of my life I have yet to meet, this place my soft one speaks of with such reverence – I feel it as I become fully captivated by the intricate weave of those snakes and ribbons of shadows until they become one and I succumb to my body's need for deep sleep._

_And as I fall – I once again listen to my parents – closing my eyes to the world, I only sense them and their soothing powers now. I listen and I focus and realize that although they are separate from one another, they are truly aligned in the way that they love and cherish me._

_For they are always with me, I am sensing now that not even deep sleep can keep them at bay – for I can still smell my softer one on my body – and the way that sweet essence infuses itself to the fragrance of my harder one and together they are sweet, yet spicy – they are mine – yes, separate or together it does not matter, for they are mine. _

_Mine, they belong to me and belong to each other – this only becomes more prevalent with each passing time – especially now, especially late in the darkness when they are alone and I am listening because it is within these moments that they become one again, they adhere themselves to one another as I listen to them sway in each other's arms – the floor in my sacred space creaking under their melody – while I hear them murmur terms of endearment and ever-lasting love to one another. For it is within these dark hours of alignment that they make their promises to keep, their voices weaving their way through the darkness of my dreamless slumber. _

_A slumber which I succumb to willingly with full confidence that when I resurface I will be reunited with them – together or separate, they are my people, my parents – wherein I will be blessed with their magical touch –the touch of my harder one … my daddy … and the caress of my softer one … my mommy._

"_I am your wait; you are my wiggle."_

**Chapter 3 to follow.**


	3. Chapter 3, Sound

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: Hi to all and hope this note finds you well. My sincere apologies for the lack of updating, my life has been crazy busy lately. So for those of you who are still reading and willing to wait a little between updates, I will do my best and hope that the content of the updates makes up for the wait! Thanks to ****stilllovesgreys for your anonymous note and to MissRe for your enthusiasm! **

**Chapter 3 – Sound**

"_I am your carriage ride; you are my king."_

_There are a cacophony of sounds that resonate inside my home now that I have become more lucid – of course there are lulls of intense quiet, silence interspersed with the sounds of life; the movement all around – the birds calling to one another in the great distance, the alternating crackle and hiss of the fire, the beat of the rain against the rooftop and windows – and I love those sounds, the sounds of movement, full of beauty and life and yet, one sound trumps all others combined and that is the sound of my light one … my mommy. _

_For her voice – it is like no other sound I know – she saves a special tone for me (she has one reserved for my daddy too), but mine … mine is musical … she sings to me – conspires, whispers, giggles, confesses and coos – and her eyes always seem to match her tone, for they are so bright and green and clear, much like the lake right after a heavy rain, smooth and slick like a window._

_Yes, she sings __for__ me and __to__ me … she is enchanted by me … and I by her. _

_Enchanted I remain now as I listen to her soft voice – and the melodic way in which she attempts to calm herself by speaking to me – where I am merely a conduit, tenaciously holding her gaze, my daddy's words coming to mind now – 'we'll all be fine' – and I want to chant, but instead I can only hold her inside the moment and watch helplessly as the wells of her eyes fill with fresh tears and those tears pop over the ridges of her beautiful, almond-shaped gateways … her watery gaze so intense, so gorgeously marred by her unleashed emotion that yet another layer of depth is added to this already extraordinary and fascinating person who has become my mommy. _

_So drawn am I to her now as she speaks to me in her hushed tone that I can only reach up and rest my hand higher on her chest – bang, bang, goes her heart against my palm – she presses her hand overtop of mine, pulse, pulse, we hold each other still, connecting without words. I feel and hear her sharp intake of our air; I caress her heart muscle, still connecting, rub, rub. I watch and listen as she regains her composure, seeing her eyes soften and her lips turn up and into her happy face, so happy now that her eyes dance in the moonlight and I can tell she's given herself a reprieve from her woes. _

_And so now I watch her for those subtle changes meant just for me, but her smile is steady and instead her emotional sniffles are replaced by her melodic giggle as she firmly presses her palm over my hand, press, press – I feel her pride, her face is so happy and her cheeks are so round and wet and rosy that she captivates me so much now that I release my oral hold on her – and my face mimics hers, my lips upturn, I smile, broad and true – and it feels impulsive, an innate reaction to her true happiness. _

###

"Smile baby, that's right … it will all be fine … you'll make sure of that," Meredith cooed, pointing her puckered nipple back toward her intuitive baby's open mouth to which she turned her cheek away from. "All done baby … you did good …," she praised as she cradled Ruby's neck and head, raising her knees before she propped the baby up so they could see each other eye to eye.

Meredith smiled and so did her little love-baby – _marveling at her intuitiveness, realizing once again that there was no hiding from their miracle, for she was connected, truly and deeply in her own spiritual way_ – she was an amazing light, for both she and Derek and neither one could imagine what life would be like without her, nor how they had survived all that time before she blessed them with her peace and tranquility and focus. At three months old, she was their _'everything'_, pure and simple.

The doting mother eyed her daughter carefully now; the moonlight from the window behind her offered a halo of light atop her angel's crown. Smiling, she leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to her sweet head, breathing her in – _the baby yawned_ – growing sleepy, becoming heavier now. She pulled back and almost caught a reflection of herself deep inside Ruby's moonlit eyes – _dark and green, a mirror – _she was a reflection unto herself, a sponge to her mother's energy and therein they connected time and time again.

"Getting tired baby?" she cooed before she peeked at the clock. "I should be too," she mused softly.

Though silently she was thankful for her late start back at work tomorrow … _tomorrow_, she sighed heavily at the thought while absentmindedly twirling her heirloom ring around and around her finger, _'Derek, Derek', _she found herself chanting. She smiled and shook her head and tucked her breast back into her nightshirt, not bothering to button up before she scooped Ruby up to her chest, bringing her upright, she massaged her small form, _rub, rub, rub,_ instantly calmed with the weight of her bundle of love pressing against her with her tiny, hot tufts of breath fanning against her neck and shoulder.

She rested her head back, and with one hand with a cradle hold on Ruby's tush and the other on her upper back, mother and baby relaxed into the quiet of the night – _she loved this, she loved the privacy and the intimacy they shared and even on the nights Derek was supposed to feed her bottles of pumped breast milk, she found herself waking up and wanting to nurse her _– especially since she had devised her plan to return to work, for they both knew she would miss this time more than she could put into words. Her heart shimmied and she felt tears prick her eyes as the now familiar tug on her heartstrings was once again pulled taut with love and longing.

The baby's breathing lulled Meredith then, her warm open mouth against her shoulder cap now, damp and hot as she sighed heavily against her body – _soothing her mother without even trying_ – burrowing deeper and deeper into their mutual heat until her quick butterfly heartbeat slowed down and she became even heavier as sleep came for her.

_Meredith moved to cradle Ruby in her arms; pressing kisses to her abundant dark hair, breathing her sweet baby essence in and consuming everything that came with it … her elixir … her salvation … her future – 'breathe, breathe, breathe' – she reminded herself now as her heart went nuts. Tomorrow … tomorrow was hours away and yet she still didn't have the answer to the question she so tenaciously guarded with her heart. _

_Who was she? Who __was__ Meredith Grey? A woman? A mother? A surgeon? She was conflicted and had volleyed with this idea of categorizing herself for months already … and perhaps she wouldn't be like this if she hadn't grown up the way she did – but she did, she had a crappy childhood – and now, at the eleventh hour she felt like she __needed__ to know her answer in order to give this a shot, this work-life balance … for it all seemed so plausible … so remarkably well planned … so … why did it still feel so heart wrenching? _

_And within that wrench, the pangs of motherhood twisted and rooted themselves again – pinching her low and deep in this new place where she found herself contemplating almost everything – every decision she made lately came with Ruby in mind first, and of course Meredith knew this was the way of the mother ... and then she smiled … for maybe she had indeed arrived on the other side of her former self … and maybe the larger question that remained was … would it stick, would she still long for her daughter once she started to cut again. _

Opening her eyes briefly now, she allowed herself to relish in the feeling of her baby in her arms with her soulful eyes closed to the world in blissful slumber – _she shook her head and took a deep breath, the night air, sweet and still_ – for she was terrified at how being a mother might impact her as a doctor, not that she didn't think the change would be good for her … but she also knew she would never be able to look at a patient in the same light again – _for everyone was someone's child_ – and women, well … they were _'mothers'_ to so many people in their lives, whether born of their own flesh and blood, it didn't matter – _the potential that they 'mothered' someone was a great possibility_ – and Meredith wondered and perhaps just recently realized just how encompassing being a surgeon would become as the world as she knew it was changing all around her now.

She took another cleansing breath and held Ruby close, not the least bit tired herself. Her eyes dipped shut before she opened them and reached into the side pocket of the rocker, pulling Carolyn's letter free. She sighed and considered it carefully for a moment, eventually having stowed the letter there upon the older woman's departure a couple of weeks ago. The truth was, she hadn't been ready to read what was sure to be a poignant note from the most motherly woman she'd ever met – _she thought maybe she would wait until the contest was under way – _thinking that whatever was inside might give her the courage to press on, but right now, right here … she thought maybe that there was no time like the present.

On that thought, Meredith slipped her finger underneath the seal and unlocked the secrets within, Carolyn's recognizable scroll lay in front of her eyes – _the nightlight illuminating her carefully chosen words just enough_ – she held the letter up with her free hand and began to read.

###

_My Dearest Meredith,_

_If I know you at all, you have found a peaceful, quiet place at home to read this note, your lovely space out in the woods … one that also makes me so happy now. For when Derek bought all that land when he first left New York, I'll admit, I was worried about him living out there in the middle of nowhere alone. Of course, I know my boy (better than he knows himself some of the time) and I knew he just needed space. But now I can't think of a better place for him and you … and Ruby to start off as a family, together in the middle of nowhere … it's a vision … a dream I'll hold onto for many years to come. _

_I smile at those thoughts now as I sit here at the kitchen table of your own childhood and draft this note to you with the realization that as traditional as this practice has become for me (after all I have been blessed enough to draft fourteen such letters), that this is truly the first one of its kind. _

_But the reason is not necessarily because you are my son's love, the first and only woman to make miracles with him, and it certainly isn't because you are not my natural born daughter … because you already are one of my girls way down in that deep place in my heart, yes, a place for you already exists._

_So … the uniqueness of this letter lies in its content, for unlike each of its fourteen predecessors, this letter stands alone as a tribute to the mother you __already__ are. You see, I know don't have to tell you how to manage even this first baby. I don't have to guide you (even if you think you need it), I don't have to lay out the rules of motherhood and dote on you for tenaciously bringing Ruby into the mix … I don't have to, you see … because you have a gift of inner strength I haven't been privy to in a long time. You have a backbone, you are a decent, hard-working, yet compassionate woman … everything it takes to make a great mother. _

_You remind me of myself as a younger woman actually …and you are so innately strong and loving and powerful and decisive already. And I know you don't draw your capacity to love from your own childhood, but I also know that because of it, you will not allow history to repeat itself._

_You are mother Meredith, already you were. You need to know and believe this with surety now. The way you are so caring and loyal with my boy and Wayan and your friends told me this much a long while ago. And adding Ruby to the mix has only enhanced these qualities that are innately yours. _

_You are mother Meredith, and yes, I'm repeating myself and you should do the same. Make it mantra, make it the truth in your heart … you already are a mother Meredith. Say it and own it. And put your instincts test and your mind at ease because you can do this. _

_Of course call me anytime, day or night, for that's what doting mothers and grandmothers are for, but I know you will be just fine …and I know this from my very own strong and loving and powerful and decisive heart … I know this because my first instincts were right about you._

_Love, _

_Mom_

###

Meredith stared at the letter and rocked the chair, the quiet creak broke through the sound barrier and effectively brought her back to the moment – _she felt a spark of hope now, her wet eyes dancing through the letter again, she blinked and let the last of her tiny tears fall_ – she would be fine, they would all be fine … because Carolyn was right!

_She __was__ strong and loving and powerful and decisive ... and motherhood wouldn't change all that, being Ruby's mother would only enhance those innate qualities and make her … a better woman … and a better surgeon. _

Folding the keepsake letter, she slipped it back into the envelope, focusing on Ruby's sleepy face as she did. She sighed and cradled her, feeling more energized now – _'you are a mother' –_ she repeated to herself with a smile as Derek came to stand in the doorway.

" I didn't mean to wake you," she smiled; he looked adorable with his sleepy eyes and wild hair.

"You were gone for too long," he announced with a sheepish grin as he sauntered into the room. "She's asleep," he mused thoughtfully.

"She is," Meredith doted, meeting his gaze.

"Come to bed," he encouraged, leaning down, he pressed a kiss to Ruby's head before his lips found Meredith's blushed cheek. He pulled back and smiled weakly. "You've been crying," he sighed, watching her watery eyes glisten in the pale moonlight. He sat down on the ottoman.

"Happy tears," she clarified, waving her letter in her hand. "Your mother's letter," she giggled.

"Ah … so … you're still you?" he smiled, leaning over, he kissed her sweet lips.

"I'm still me," she confirmed, pulsing her lips over her lover's, _once, twice._ "Although now I don't think I can sleep," she sighed heavily.

Derek smirked. "Who said anything about sleeping," he flirted shamelessly.

_Meredith's giggle floated into the nighttime air and without missing a beat, he scooped Ruby up and moved to set her into her crib, watching her brow furrow and then relax before he turned toward his woman and took her hand where he led her back into their bedroom. _

"I have something for you," he murmured, bumping his hip against hers. He smiled.

"You do?" she asked, her mind reeling as she stared into his midnight blue eyes, his sleepy haze all but gone now.

"I do … I'll be back in a second," he whispered before he brushed his lips against hers and disappeared into their closet.

She sighed with a small smile and pulled her shirt over her head and slid back into bed, watching now as Derek emerged from the darkness with a small jewelry box in his hand. He smiled and pulled on the tie of his pajama bottoms, they fell to the ground and he slipped into bed, rolling inward to meet Meredith somewhere in the middle, each lover lay in the nude, propped up on their elbows, eye to eye.

"This is for you," he whispered, setting the box on top of her open palm.

_Meredith's eyes became wet at the thought of some kind romantic gesture from Derek. She smiled as her tiny tears landed on her flushed cheeks, cooling them down whilst heating them up at the same time. She sniffled, her emotion lodged somewhere in her throat; she was speechless. _

"Aw … come on, don't cry," Derek soothed with a soft smile, leaning forward; he ran his fingertips over her cheeks. "Lets open it…," he urged, cracking the box open to reveal his surprise.

"Wow," Meredith sighed after a long moment, peeking up to find Derek smiling at her.

"I thought you could use something to put your ring on before you scrub in," he mused thoughtfully. "Then I had an idea," he whispered.

"I love the rubies here," she sighed, her voice cracking slightly as she surveyed the fine details of one of the open-heart charms.

"Here … turn the charms over," Derek murmured, doing just that. "You might not be able to see in the dim light but –"

"I see Derek … one for Wayan, diamonds for his," she sighed.

"And rubies for our girl," he sighed, enjoying the sentimental surprise and joy he found set along Meredith's face.

"Thank you," she sighed, moving closer, she kissed her lover, soft and quick. "I love it," she murmured, swallowing the heat from his open mouth. "Put it on for me," she smiled, pulling back.

"Come closer," he suggested, lying back, he held the clasp between his fingers and unfastened the hinge.

Meredith moved to flank his side with her knee jackknifed over his thighs; she ducked her head down and pressed her naked body against his as he reached around her neck and fastened her new keepsake there. Derek smiled at the feeling of her supple body and without thinking, he began to roam her curves with the slightest touch_ – skin on skin _– for there was still nothing quite like it.

They kissed long and hard then, unbridled passion already percolating to the surface by the time Derek pulled back to take a good look at her – _he smiled brightly and so did she, her new heirloom hanging low, deep into the valley of her fuller breasts _– the gift sparkled in the dim light, a white gold chain adorned with two open-heart charms, both white gold, one set with rubies, the other with diamonds … a perfect place for her ring to hang from while she was engaged in the business of saving lives.

Derek's hands found her skull; his fingers already nestled deep into her wild tresses where he pulled her even closer. "I love you," he declared, sucking a deep breath of their air into his lungs, suppressing it, holding it close to his heart. "You can do this," he smiled. "You can … I believe in you," he proclaimed, because he really did, he believed in her as much as she believed in him.

_Meredith breathed, Derek rolled her beneath him – taking her hands in his, he raised them above her head – she had no where to go, no where else to look but into his trusted gateways and she knew this was his point, for this was his silent plea to ensure her that everything would be work out. He smiled and so did she, leaning forward he kissed her thoroughly, massaging her lips and tongue with his, kissing her senseless in a way that made her forget about the world all around them. _

"My heart is torn," she breathed into his mouth, he pulled back, resting on his forearms. He kissed her soft and quick. "I feel like I'm betraying our baby," she confessed into their intimacy, this place where there was no judgment, her heart pinched, low and deep … _deep, deep._

Derek smiled and stared into her vacillating gateways, he shook his head _'no'_ before he kissed her sweet lips again. "You'd be betraying yourself if you didn't at least try," he muttered, pressing his lips to her shoulder cap. "Just compete … and see how you feel … you owe it to yourself to try," he encouraged, losing himself in her for a beat.

Bending down, he needed more of a connection and so he kissed her then _– and it wasn't to quiet her or to calm her _– rather it was to seal the truth for him … for as much as Derek had wanted children before, he never thought it would be like this – _for in his life with Addison, their egos were too much a part of what defined 'them'_ – and a child might have gotten lost in the mix and to that point, he believed now that the child they might have had may have very well been raised like Meredith was, with constant care from anyone other than her parents.

He swallowed hard and once again thanked the karmic Gods – _for knowing what he knew now, being the man he was today_ – he had learned that it wasn't all about him and what made him tick as much as it was about _'them'_, he and Meredith and Ruby and Wayan – _it was about 'them'_ – and this was about her … not about him. He smiled and took a deep breath, brushing nose against hers.

"Just try," she murmured, coaching herself now.

"Yeah … and then you come home … to us," he smiled thoughtfully.

His lips soon found her neck and her hands found his abundant locks where she held on tight, moving to wrap her legs around his trim waist, his cock waking up against her abdomen, already pulsing with need for her. She arched her neck up and back, tiny tears of emotion leaked from her eyes, trickling along her hairline – _her lover's weight keeping her there_ – he released her hands, she sniffled and turned her head to the side, _'breathe, breathe'_, his hands roamed her body along with his lips while his burgeoning hard on explored her slick folds.

"And later … on nights like this …," she husked, rolling her hips up and back, urging her man's cock to dip into her heat. "You can remind me," she said, her mouth covering his ear.

"Hmm, something to look forward to … celebrating all of your victories," he said, reaching back, he pulled her thigh up and shifted his hips to pulse his sensitive head against her opening. "God, you feel good," he whispered, nipping at her dewy neck as she sucked on his earlobe; he flexed his hips, slipping his rod up and down her folds. "Hmm, so good," he husked, pulling back, he found her in the dark.

Meredith's throaty giggle filled the air as she reached between them and fisted his muscle, her fingertips rubbing against the sensitive ridge of his head; she moved him up and down her pliant folds; she felt Derek give in to her power-hold. "And you'll be my _biggest_ fan," she husked, opening her hips as she guided him home – _her flesh covering him like a handmade glove, nerve against nerve, familiar, sweet, sexy and muscular_ – her gaze as steady as her vaginal hold around him, _God he never felt so good or perfect. _

_God she never felt so good or perfect, _was all he could think. "And you'll be … mine," Derek smiled, his cock lengthening while Meredith's walls massaged him, her chant loud and clear – _'mine, mine, mine' _– as clear as his, _'yours, yours, yours'_.

"I am … I'm all yours," she replied, rolling her hips up and back, angling him for deeper penetration. "Make love to me …," she husked, kissing his open mouth, her heart and pussy on fire with love and lust now as a surge of hormonal pandemonium claimed her … fueling her desire for him to consume her as he began to move within her. "Remind me Derek," she found herself whispering as her eyes closed, already lost within the bliss only he could provide, _'take me, love me, remind me'._

Her sultry plea hung in the hot night air – _'remind me, Derek'_ – and he did just that, taking her hands over her head, he balanced himself on his forearms, ever mindful of her his lover's more sensitive breasts and nipples, those erogenous peaks he loved so much, currently _'off limits'_ and seemingly belonging solely to their little angel, ever present in their lives, even at times like this – _intimate times of making love and relishing in their connectivity_ – their love-baby was at the forefront, just where she was meant to be … though thankfully sleeping in her own bed now, leaving nothing, not an ounce of space between the lovers.

Derek pulsed deeper, his mouth attached to Meredith's, knowing her climax would come fast and furious tonight given her swirling range of emotions – _he slowed his rhythm, she rolled her hips up, seeking that deeper place – _the one that they hadn't been able to reach during those last months of her felt her cervix, _bump, bump_ as she took all he had to give now while he felt the strong hold of her vaginal muscles – _those post-delivery 'Kegel' exercises doing wonders for their muscle to muscle connection _– it was true, their intimacy felt different, but not in a way that he would ever want to change, for after creating a life with her, his love and respect for Meredith had only grown and she become even more revered.

_And Meredith felt it too – this fundamental difference in the way Derek looked at her – his line of sight so vivid and true now as she evolved to become his 'everything' in every way possible. And maybe he described it best – that he finally saw her via a lens so magnified that there was nothing left to conceal … for she was on display … her true self and her blemishes and her tarnished childhood and her battered heart and her sad, soul-filled eyes he loved so much – he saw her for who she really was and therein all he could see was Meredith Grey's naked beauty and the greatness and power of this woman he would love forever. _

_She felt her muscles work his rod, 'mine, mine, mine' she chanted as he pulsed into her depths, skin on skin, flesh to bone and vice-versa. She found his eyes in the darkness and lost herself within his shimmering gateways, God, he felt so good – yes, yes … it was just the two of them again – her belly no longer part of the mix, her hormones no longer a major driver of her sexual appetite; for she was beginning to feel more like herself ... especially when it came to this, making love with her man. _

_Everything with him had become intensified (the magnifying glass) wherein her desire for him had somehow become more avid during their brief, six-week hiatus from one another – and to that point, so had their lovemaking – for suddenly there was something even stronger than love holding them together, for they had created a life force of their own flesh and blood … yes, physical evidence of their passion and devotion for one another existed and would now live on and become their legacy. _

_They were creators, they were parents, they were lovers and still everything to one another, especially when it was just the two of them, hiding out, deep within their enclave in the middle of the woods, alone and in the middle of the night too – times just like this, those times when the world all around them indeed disappeared and everything else was trumped – no holds barred, no time like the present … nothing but passionate connectivity. _

"God, I love you," she breathed, her heart on fire, she could barely breathe, her lungs already filled with the essence of their sex _– thick, raw, hot, them, them, breathe, breathe_ – fever pricked her skin, heat consumed her, her eyes closing on their own accord now, for she was lost, too far gone within his bliss now to see straight. "I'm so close … close, Derek ... so close … yes … yes," she heaved, taking him deeper into herself, milking him with her delicate muscles, she latched her mouth to his, kissing him wildly, massaging his tongue with hers while he rhythmically made love to her and she to him.

"Me too … Jesus, you feel so good," he husked, pressing his mouth over her ear now, _kiss, kiss, pulse, pulse_, he drove his steely rod, deeper and deeper into her hot, fleshy depths, there was nothing on earth like it, _nothing_ … his love and passion for her would never, ever wane.

"I want to cum with you …," she whined, lowering her right leg flat against the mattress, skillfully raising her pelvis, she felt added pressure to her clit, _rub, rub, rub, _her core smoldered, she still needed more. She raised her leg again, making room for her hand between them.

"Hmm … and I with you … only you," Derek replied, his chest tight with love.

Hovering now, he pushed her hand out of the way – _flanking her clit with his fingertips, exposing her burgeoning nerves_ – pulsing just his sensitive head into her pussy, _hot, cold, hot, cold_, the ridge of his cock massaging her folds, _slip, slip, slip_, he rubbed her clit, massaging her responsive tissue with his thumb, rhythmic strokes, _fuck, fuck, flick, flick, swirl, swirl, swirl – her calls of appreciation hanging in the thick night air now_ – her muscles working him frantically, her silent chant reverberating in the space between them, _'mine, mine, mine'_.

Her hungry mouth attached to his; they kissed and kissed as they finally succumb to one another – _cumming into and around one another – _their sexual energy released, swirling, mating and transcending to that special place, that plane of existence they loved and cherished so much: _blissful oblivion._

_Meredith's heart gave out – banging furiously into her ears as the waves of her orgasm washed over her, crashing along her wasted shoreline – crash, crash, swell, swell … the swells of hormones raging on and on while she could only hold on tight, her pussy clenching systematically around her man, her chant growing louder and louder inside her head like a crowd of cheering, adoring fans. _

_Her pussy still milking his softening rod, collecting his seeds, coveting them while she whispered to her lover – 'I love you, I can't live without you' – and he to her – 'I love you, you're all I need, you're all I see' – and so it went … and so they felt it … their fundamental love for one another … this power-hold that had only strengthened since the birth of their love-baby … this thing between them, their brand of connectivity that would always bring them home to one another where worries could be eased and tension could be forgotten … and the present was all that mattered. _

###

"I don't know if I can do this …," Meredith paced, walking out from their closet dressed in jeans and her favorite lavender Henley. She looked at herself in the mirror and tugged on her new keepsake – _the precious jewels sparkled in the dim light_ – she twirled the open hearts with her fingertips, silently grounding herself as she stared at her reflection.

"Did you say something?" Derek asked as he stepped into the bedroom from the nursery.

Meredith stared at her reflection still – _words failed her and a fever-chill pricked her skin_ – Derek came to stand behind her, moving his hands up and down her forearms. Her eyes darted up and focused on his – _bright, unwavering, sure, confident_ – saying now without words, _'you can do this' _… which sounded so easy (even when she coached herself) – _it all sounded so easy, natural _– go to work … come home … _pump, dump, pump, dump!_ So why was it so fucking hard to fathom? Heavy tears slipped from her eyes, _slip, slip_ and then she lost it, watching Derek watch her falter before he turned her into his embrace and her reflection was gone, but not forgotten.

Derek's hot breath fanned her head and she let herself become heavy in his arms. His warmth and support encapsulated her and she let it ease her weary mind and heart, lulling her like nothing else ever had. He rocked her; she felt her heartbeat slow down.

"I don't … I don't know if I can say _'good-bye'_ Derek, I thought I could … but –"

"So … you don't say _'good-bye'_ Meredith," Derek whispered, puling back, he found the choppy sea of her uncertain green eyes; he smiled. "You hate _'good-byes'_…," he reminded her, moving his thumbs under her eyes he effortlessly moved her fallen tears.

"I do, don't I …," she mused with a weak smile.

"You do … so try, _'see you soon baby' _instead," he suggested, gently prodding her now because in his heart of hearts he knew working this out would be good for her and that she would be a more true version of herself if she did this.

"Hmm … okay," she sighed, tipping her head up to find her lover's steadfast gaze. "I'll try," she whispered, brushing her lips against his – _pulse, pulse, kiss, kiss _– melting now at his touch.

"I'm proud of you … you can do this," Derek murmured, brushing his nose and lips against hers. "Come on … lets get you to the ferry on time …," he said softly, taking her hand in his.

And with that, he felt Meredith move with him – _slowly acquiescing to her own desires now that the time had come_ – she squeezed his hand as they moved down the dimly lit hallway en route to the main living area where they promptly melted at the sight before them as they emerged out of the shadows of the hallway and into the warmth of their living room, the hearth wild with fire and life, the air earthen and sweet … the fragrance of their home. And there, nestled within all of that warmth and familiarity was their love-baby, strapped safely in her bouncy seat, perched on the counter, far away from the edge – _completely captivated by the fair haired Moira Fairbanks_ – the gleeful nanny chatting animatedly away as she chopped a bountiful of colorful vegetables for her latest creation.

"You know Miss Ruby," cooed Moira. "It won't be too long before you try one of these," she mused, wagging a bright orange carrot up to the baby's eyes. Ruby cocked her head. "It's a carrot," she announced, the baby knitted her brow. Moira giggled. "You're too young to do that … oh Ruby baby, don't furrow your brow," she sighed, pressing a tiny kiss to the baby's soft chubby cheek.

_Meredith's heart melted a little bit now – Moira really was the perfect fit – she was energetic, but not annoyingly so, she was punctual and took her job seriously, though she was fun and lighthearted too, but most importantly … she connected with Ruby and so far, the attraction seemed mutual. _

_For what wasn't to like – Moira Fairbanks exuded happiness – both inside and out. Meredith was convinced her cheeks were permanently rosy (along with the rose-colored glasses she saw the world through), for there was a certain innocence, a naiveté housed within those captivating aquamarine gateways. She was gorgeous, not as statuesque as her sister, but somehow just as beautiful … she was charming and subdued and bright … she was the girl next door. _

"Our baby's happy …," Meredith announced softly, leaning back and into Derek's heat. His hands moved to her hips.

"She is," he agreed, pulling her toward him, he ran baby kisses along the length of her regal neck.

_She shivered and took a deep breath – she could do this, she had no choice – the hour was upon her. She sighed heavily and moved out of Derek's embrace, her eyes locked on Ruby's now as she waited for her baby to find her, watching intensely as she moved closer and even closer still. _

"So …," she sighed as she entered the kitchen, the baby turned her attention to Meredith the moment she heard her voice. "It's time," she announced evenly as Moira turned around to find her too.

_Meredith smiled weakly and stepped into Ruby's space at the counter. Leaning forward, she pressed a lingering kiss to her soft head – breathing her in, pushing her sweet baby essence down, down, down for safe-keeping – treasuring her scent, her heart pinching at the thought of missing her midnight feeding tonight. And then she smiled, pulling back to locate the clarity she hoped to see in her daughter's sea green eyes … Derek would be here, he would feed her and cherish the time. She could do this. _

"Mommy loves you Ruby …," she smiled as thick tears blurred her vision. She blinked and sniffled; her waiting tears fell. Derek came to stand behind her. "Be good for Moira and daddy," she giggled, taking one last look at her adorable little cherub. Ruby gurgled and also smiled, jerking her hand up to Meredith's cheek. "I love you too baby," she mused. "See you tomorrow in the morning … daddy will feed you tonight, daddy will be here … and Moira," she said, swallowing hard.

"We should go," Derek whispered into her ear, his hot breath tickling her neck as he did.

"I know," she smiled. "Okay," she whispered, pressing one last kiss to her baby's chubby cheek. "I love you," she sighed, the emotional upheaval sucking the wind right out of her now; she was breathless.

She backed away and met Moira's crystal clear gateways. "She's a rock star Meredith … just like her mommy," the young girl encouraged genuinely. Meredith chuckled; Moira put her arm around her. "Smile at me before you go," she conspired. "It'll be good for her," she giggled, squeezing the new mother's shoulders.

And so Meredith did. She smiled and then the two women giggled. Another set of tiny tears popped free, but she smiled and giggled all the same. "Thanks," she said, pressing her lips together.

"No worries," Moira answered without hesitation.

Smiling now as she watched Derek escort Meredith outside – _the balance of the house still intact, their loving energy still bouncing around, crackling and smoldering deep inside the hearth_ – and therein Moira took a deep breath, once again marveling at the wonderful turn of events in her life, because for once she wasn't worried, for this job and coming to the States was the best idea her sister had ever had and everything she ever wanted was finally falling into place.

She grabbed some frozen vegetable stock from the freezer, a staple she had concocted last week, she crossed the room – _deciding to prepare a nice pot of soup, something light for Meredith to have if she came home hungry later_ – smiling, she set the small container down and caught Ruby's eyes with hers, still trained on the front door. She leaned over and kissed her ruby cheek.

"Such a smart baby," she cooed proudly. "Daddy will be back before you know it … he's taking mommy to the ferry," she spoke softly as she ran the container under hot water. "You know … your mommy … she's brilliant, at least that's what my sister told me," she sighed, dropping the frozen stock into a pot of boiling water. "She's supposed to become one of the greats …," she praised as she began to add fresh vegetables now too, starting with carrots.

###

_And so as I listen to this new, trusted person with her eyes so bright and carefree and her hair so fine and blond like an angel's halo – I can still hear the sound of my mommy's tears, the sound of her emotion as she tried her best to stifle it – her sniffles, her deep, soul-filled breaths – her way of holding herself back so as not to upset the balance of my life._

_Yes, I can still hear her now while I train my eyes on the door in an effort to remember the sound of her soul. _

_And I find my heart racing now as her sound resonates within me, stirring something inside of me – I feel my heart aching, a slight pull in the direction of the front door, I miss her, I miss the sound of her voice and reflection of myself set deep within her eyes – and then I realize that things are changing all around me. _

_That my life as I know it is changing, but something tells me this is how it is here and that I must embrace it. I fear it will be hard at times, to watch her go, to watch my daddy go too – but I trust my parents – I trust them and their voices, for they are my people. I must listen to their words and trust them … even when I can see they may not trust themselves, yet. _

_So trust I will, because somewhere deep inside of me, this place where I store my cherished memories, I can still hear the sound of my mommy's strong heart beat – and within that wondrous sound, I know she will be fine without me – for she is already one of the greats … she is my greatest one._

_She is my mommy and I am assured now that she is whole and healed and grounded and connected – and I know her perseverance will carry her far and wide and then back to me again – and now I think that this strong beat of hers, this sound I know and love and remember so vividly, may very well be the only sound I should really care about. _

_Well that, and the way her giggle floats in the air when my daddy tells her a joke or flirts with her or kisses her right under her ear along the regal column of her splendid neck._

'_You can do this' – I hear my daddy's words float inside my head and then my lips turn up and I find myself smiling again because I know his words resonate for my mommy too – because it's true, everything will be all right and all I have to do is listen to the soothing sounds of the world my parents have created for me to know this is the truth, 'we'll all be just fine'. _

"_I am your push; you are my swing."_

**Chapter 4 to follow. **


	4. Chapter 4, Shadows

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: So sorry about the long waits for updates, I am hoping my schedule will lighten up soon and I can resume a more frequent schedule here. Let me know what you think it would mean so much!**

**Chapter 4 – Shadows**

"_I am your audience; you are my clown."_

_My days and nights have become separate now and so have the shadows that define the movement of time. And though time still has little relevance to me, as the day moves forward, I find myself drawn to watching the shadows become longer and blurred around the edges as their definition is lost and the day eventually draws to a close. Yes, my days and nights are separate, though never too long or lonely; everything blends together, quite peacefully._

_I wake when the shadows in my room become infused with those new colorful shards of light – these tiny flecks of new morning light that peek through the ruby-colored glass now etched inside the middle pane of my window – a new focal point that intrigues me so, one that has the same effect on my parents, for it is vibrant, yet peaceful and somewhat whimsical too. _

_And that whimsical peace carries me all day as I relax into the afternoon, sometimes resting in my room under the canopy of harmony or other times cradled against my daddy's heartbeat in front of the hearth. _

_And then again, I am soothed and lulled by the dancing evening shadows of my room as I fall asleep under their silent melody, I succumb to their dark labyrinth … calm … fluid … serene … until I have reached the pinnacle of the day, that time of night that belongs just to me, those last seconds of the day before I close my eyes and dare myself to dream._

_###_

"She looks like she might go down for the night," Derek said softly as he looked at the reflection of the baby's heavy eyes as she stared back at him for a beat before she succumb to their weight, finally allowing herself to slip under. He smiled tightly and turned his attention back to the horizon.

"She might," Moira agreed as she turned around. She smiled at the baby, safely nestled in her car seat. A new flutter of happiness coursed through her. "Let yourself go baby," she cooed, raising her mint green receiving blanket as she did. She tucked it against her thighs and rubbed her tiny feet for a moment before she caught Derek's eyes in the rearview mirror.

_She turned around and smiled, the ferryboat was docking, slowly easing into the dock in front of them and although she had gotten used to the commute, there was still something heart stopping about watching the slow, powerful vessels move … it was magical. And even more so at night, when the shadows were short and the thick and cold fog swirled up and around the boat's movement as it inched forward in perfect harmony with the melodic tune of the fog horns blowing both near and far – it was like something out of an old black and white movie – it was quaint and quiet and reminded her Darwin … home. _

_And even though it was pretty easy to call Meredith's house in the city her home – it didn't stop her from feeling that small tug upon her heart, for sometimes the nights alone were long and tiresome – even with Izzie baking into the night with her after a long shift, her new friend eventually retired and slipped into the bedroom she shared with Alex and only then would Moira be hit with those unavoidable pangs of loneliness wherein she would allow herself admit that she was homesick. _

_Of course, the realist in her knew she wouldn't always feel this way, for things were relatively perfect, she had great professors, she was more than an excellent student with an innate ability in the kitchen … and she had Ruby to spend her days with and that was a true blessing, for the child was a light in her life and she needed that, she needed light at this time in her life where there were moments of doubt that indeed cast long shadows across the path that lay in front of her. _

"So tomorrow, you think you'll be at the house by seven?" she asked after a minute, interrupting her internal tirade.

"That's the plan," Derek surmised. "And remind me to bring up that radiator, I know that back bedroom can get cold," he offered, smiling when he spotted Meredith emerging with a small group of passengers.

"I will, if Alex is around tonight, I'll ask him," Moira offered, following Derek's gaze.

"There she is," he murmured, his heart racing.

Watching now as his lover's tired, yet energized eyes met his – _his smile grew and he heard Moira chuckle, no doubt a half of a second away from making some kind of comment, one that he wouldn't be able to argue, for they really were like teenagers in love sometimes_ – his heart raced and he stole a glance at Moira but she snorted instead – _her mouth turned up into a smile, ready to tease, her raucous cackle filling the car _– as she bated him, reminding him an awful lot of her sister just then.

Derek smirked and turned to find Meredith again, taking in the clip of her step and the eagerness etched along her beautiful face, this look that told him – _work was hard, but worth it_ – this stance that said everything, the one that also said that as long and grueling as the last few weeks were, they were also worth it because in the end had indeed found that medical mystery she had dared herself to find.

"See you in the morning Derek," Moira chuckled. She opened the car door a gust of cold, nighttime air breezed inside. "Give the little love bug a goodnight kiss from me," she instructed with a smile.

"Will do," he assured before she closed the door behind her.

_Moira ducked down and waved, taking a deep breath of the cold, salty air as she stood upright and spotted Meredith, a large and genuine smile upon her face, her glassy, emotional eyes – full of untamed happiness and relief – for it was a big day, for all of them. _

"Congratulations!" Meredith sighed breathlessly as she embraced Moira's lithe frame. She pulled back and smiled brightly. "You're _officially_ an aunt!" she cooed, her heart still racing at the news of the birth of Larissa and Peter's very own peach, Dahlia Eleanor Jackman.

"I am," Moira smiled thoughtfully, relaxing into Meredith's comforting heat.

_She smiled and pressed her lips together – listening now as Meredith doted on the baby – quite mesmerized by the sparkle she found inside her new friend's dancing eyes while yet another pang of regret seized her, for she was so far away from home that her niece's birth had barely registered and therein she felt even more disconnected and homesick. She sighed and found Meredith pulling her into a tight hug._

"You wish you were there …," Meredith stated evenly without passing judgment.

"I do," she reflected and then she smiled, peeking over her shoulder at the sleeping infant in the car. "But then I'm glad I'm here too," she sighed happily.

"So are we," Meredith said as the alarm signaled the last call to board the ferry. "You better go," she motioned go the dock, an encouraging smile upon her face now. "And have fun tonight," she chided.

"Yeah … so… this Joe's, is it a good place to hang out?" she asked, straightening her bag on her shoulder.

Meredith giggled, a stock image of Derek in his _'good-looking red shirt'_ floated her into her head, all it took was a split-second and she was right back where they started. "It is … it's Derek's favorite place," she reported with a smirk.

"Really?" Moira asked with a raised brow.

"Yeah … go on … and have fun," Meredith encouraged. "Celebrate …you're an aunt," she cooed breathlessly.

"All right then … see you in the morning," Moira answered with a slight roll to her eyes as she turned away and made her way into the small line of people waiting to board.

Meredith watched her go, still smiling to herself, lingering memories of the night she met Derek still circulating around in her mind – _Derek and babies and babies and Derek _– and suddenly, just like that, she was drawn to count her blessings, to thank the karmic powers that be for every obstacle and twist of fate that miraculously landed her right here, right now.

"Hey Moira!" she called out suddenly, smiling when the young girl turned around. "George O'Malley can be a lousy shot!" she giggled. Moira's cheeks heated. "So if you play darts –"

"Keep a safe distance," she ventured with a wry grin.

"Yeah …," Meredith smiled and stepped forward. "But just for darts!" she cackled into the wind.

_Moira felt her cheeks heat and then she turned around, waving 'goodnight' as she went, stepping over the ferryboat threshold, the shadows of fog all around her – wondering how it was that she became so transparent all of a sudden – and then she smiled because she really didn't care because she really did like George O'Malley._

###

"Do you think we should try to transfer her to her crib?" Derek asked as he hung their coats up.

"Maybe," she answered. "Or maybe ... it's so quiet …," she thought aloud, wanting alone time with Derek, for she was exhausted and exalted over the events of the day, her mind reeling with both perplexity and possibility now.

"It is … and she's happy, sleeping …," Derek mused, looking down at Ruby, still nestled inside the cocoon of her blankets.

"She'll be up later don't you think," Meredith sighed, watching their love baby sleep and dream … _'dare yourself to dream baby, dream'_. "Hi," she smiled, stepping into Derek's heat then.

"Hmm, hi," he whispered, pressing his lips to hers, soft and quick, just how she liked it. "You're home," he breathed, stepping out of his shoes, his hands pinned to her hips as he did.

"I am …," she replied, allowing the warmth of their home and her man encircle her. "I missed you today," she admitted softly, tilting her head up, she kissed him again, _pulse, pulse. _

"I'm so proud of you," Derek said against her lips, pulling back he took in the pensive complexity of the look upon her face. He smiled and ran his hands up and down her arms. "Are you hungry?" he asked carefully, wagering a guess.

"No, although the house smells delicious," she giggled, for having an armature chef for a nanny was a little more than amazing; she kissed the underside of Derek's neck, breathing his homey essence in now too.

"Hmm, that would be ratatouille," he chuckled; he ducked down and pressed a lingering kiss to the regal column of his lover's neck, _kiss, kiss, breathe, breathe, _he felt her succumb to his hold on her. "How about a bath?" he suggested, cradling her in his arms, he rocked, her back and forth, his lips found her neck just below her ear, _press, press, kiss … kiss_, he held her tight.

"Feels good," Meredith sighed, craning her neck back, she allowed the stresses of the day to fall away. She melted into his touch, allowing the quiet solitude to find her and keep her. "A bath … with you sounds perfect," she breathed, turning her head to touch her lips to his.

_Derek kissed her then as she kicked her shoes off and laced her long surgeon's fingers through this wild locks – he loved this, those first few moments alone at home with Meredith and Ruby (whether she was asleep or awake) – he loved this, feeling the energy of their home and his small family converge while the stresses of the world faded far and away. _

_Kissing his woman, he made a mental note of the time, knowing Ruby would stir soon and desire Meredith's attention (and rightly so), for she had a sixth sense when it came to 'feeling' her mommy's presence and though she was sleeping at the moment, once she stirred, she would no doubt be looking for her light source. _

Meredith smiled and pulled back. "Bath time … we need to talk," she smiled and watched the sparkle in his eyes dim for a beat. She turned her attention back to the baby.

_Derek looked down at their angel and his heart melted, just a little bit – he loved her and would do anything for her, for them, for both his daughter and Meredith – anything … his mind suddenly wild with rich possibilities and outcomes. _

"We do," he agreed, pressing his lips together before he drew her near. "So … can I see it?" he asked, bumping her hip, his eyes never leaving the sleeping baby.

Meredith's giggle floated between them as her sparkling eyes, full of excitement and pride, met his where she locked them in place, staring for a beat before she slipped from his embrace, knelt down and began to root through her bag. Standing up, she set the glittery LDC on the palm of his hand.

He smirked, his eyes barely leaving hers. "Wow … that's really … sparkly," he muttered, tilting the small pager back and forth, catching the pink sparkles as they danced against the dim light. "Come here," he husked, cupping her face in his hands before he kissed her long and hard, her arms encircling his neck where she held on tight and kissed him right back. "I really am so proud of you …," he said against her lips, his heart on fire with love and admiration, for she really was on her way to becoming one of the greats.

###

Meredith closed her eyes for a beat, she felt her bone marrow melt, releasing the day's stresses, her endorphins easing their way through her nerves, _pop, pop, pop._ She sighed and shimmied down and into the hot water, listening as Derek struck match after match, lighting candle after candle. She took a deep breath of the musty air and opened her eyes when Derek stepped into the tub. He leaned down and kissed her before situating himself at the other end of the tub where his magical hands found her feet.

Derek smiled and watched Meredith close her eyes again as he began to work on her left foot, massaging a day's worth of standing out of her muscles there. She opened her eyes, turning her attention to the baby, her eyes softening around the edges as she watched their love-baby sleep – _still in her car seat, she slept just inside the doorway of their darker bedroom –_ her heart full of peace, her world balanced, her mind resting – _she was their angel and looked the part too_ – for the billowy shadows reflecting off of the candles gave her cherubic little face an even more ethereal quality. He couldn't help but smile as he watched Meredith watch over Ruby. He stopped massaging her nerves and lost himself within her aura for a long minute wherein the world around them ceased to exist.

The air was warm and heavy and all was quiet save for the slow beat of their hearts, he watched Meredith's eyes smile, crinkling around the edges as she turned back to him – _he smiled and shook his head and all he could think about was how bright she was and how many lives she would come to save_ – the candlelight shadows moved across her face, adding yet another layer of depth to her eyes, shimmering with hope and promise … and excitement. It was another minute before he trusted himself to speak, all but having fallen in love with her all over again.

"So … have you thought about it … what do you need, what's your plan?" he asked softly, his heart still swollen with pride and wonder.

Meredith pushed herself up, the cooler air attacking her wet skin as she did. She glanced at the baby before speaking, her heart racing now. "Well … what I want and what I need … for this … is you," she smirked and shook her head.

"You need a neurosurgeon," he clarified with a knowing smile.

"Yes … but … we're a team Derek and I won't do this without you," she soothed, knowing that Derek wouldn't dream of passing the opportunity up, also knowing that he wanted her to run with it, for if this clinical trail came to fruition, it would be her _'baby'_.

"And I don't want you to do it with anyone but me," he cackled at his lame sexual innuendo.

"Derek," she giggled.

"Meredith," he countered, leaning forward he took her hands in his and pulled her toward him.

The water moved inside the current, splashing all around them as she came to sit Indian style inside the circle of his legs. She set her hands upon his thighs and kissed his wet, sweet lips. Tears welled in her eyes. She swallowed hard.

"This is … what about Ruby, Derek?" she dared herself to ask.

"We'll make it work …," he smiled weakly, knowing that Meredith was under duress thinking about the workload involved in a clinical trail of this magnitude.

"It's going to be a lot of time away from her, for both of us … I just can't … imagine …," she whispered, chocking on her words, memories of her lost childhood haunting her with every stacked breath she took. Her heart was ablaze. "I'm so scared of becoming my mother," she confessed.

"And that's what separates you from her …," he reminded her.

"I suppose …," she pondered, quite certain her mother would have jumped into a trial like this without giving her a second thought.

"It's the truth and you know it," he reassured softly, pressing warm, wet kisses to her neck, moving his mouth down to her clavicle.

"But both of us … the hours away, the stress …," she tried to fathom it all. "What kind of parents does that make us Derek?" she wondered, her heart aching as she brushed her lips against his, soft and quick, hoping his touch would ground her. She turned her gaze and focused on their sleeping angel, so innocent, so new.

"The kind who save lives …," he whispered. "You found a way to save lives … and we owe it to ourselves to see this thing through," he encouraged.

She heaved a deep sigh. "I'm scared," she confessed, turning back to find his unwavering gaze: _blue, clear, brilliant._

"I know … but we can do this Meredith, we have to try," he smiled and moved his hot wet hands through her wild blonde locks. She smiled. "Do you want to know what I think we should do?" he asked.

"I do," she whispered before she turned inside his embrace and laid back his chest, his flaccid cock bobbing against her lower back. He draped his arms around her belly. She closed her eyes and listened to her man.

"We take the next six weeks and we gather everything we need, research, patients, patents … everything," he formulated. He smiled and kissed her shoulder, pulsing his lips over her warm, wet flesh. "And then …we go ahead with our wedding as planned, the Bahamas, you, me, Ruby, Owen and Cristina," he said thoughtfully, his heart and soul already there upon that white, sandy beach.

"Hmm … yeah," Meredith sighed, relaxing into their heat and the dream of their wedding day. "And then the trial … when we come home," she finished for him.

"Hmm … we'll come home and be ready and our heads will be clear – _we'll do this right, we can do this_ – I know we can," he surmised confidently. "And Ruby will be fine … she's a strong baby and she knows we love her … above everything else, she knows that," he said reverently.

Meredith smiled and felt her heartbeat slow down, craning her neck back; she tilted her head up and kissed her lover's lips on his professions. "I love you," she said against his open mouth.

Derek moved his hands up to her shoulders, their mouths connected as he massaged her there before he moved to cup her full breasts, her sensitive flesh heavy with milk. He pulled back slightly. "And I love you," he replied, his own stress beginning to wane now as he felt her become heavier in his arms. "Research, wedding, trial," he husked, his mouth pulsing over hers again.

"Research, wedding, trial," she repeated, more grounded and centered now despite the lingering guilt with regards to both of them spending more time away from Ruby.

_It was balance, like the gray area between night and day – full of clandestine shadows, time that lacked definition – she just didn't want Ruby to miss them, even the thought of the little angel longing for either one of them made her heart ache, low and deep. It was balance and she was determined to find it … to save lives and be a mother because she wanted this trial and she wanted to do it with Derek and no one else. _

_###_

Meredith's eyes fluttered and suddenly she was awake, rested and achy but without complaint – _she burrowed into Derek's heat and listened to the world wake up while he slept on and on_ – his heart beating slow and easy, his breathing akin to a lullaby. She missed him; she had missed this, mornings like this over the last few weeks as her shifts became more normalized and hectic. Her heart raced and that familiar shadow of doubt crept into it's place, resting somewhere between her heart and her soul.

She closed her eyes and listened as the birds began to call out and welcome the new day – _their chatter eager, excitable_ – she opened her eyes and peeked up, melting just a little bit as she watched Derek sleep. A glimmer of a predawn shadow cascaded through their enclave then and she blinked, focusing on her lover in this new light _– with his beautiful eyes closed, his abundant ebony hair wild from sleep, his handsome face relaxed, any and all worry laden by his sleep state_ – he was a vision … the man she loved … her partner … her everything and she knew she had to believe him, that they could do this … save lives and be parents, good and decent and emotionally available … parents.

Unkempt emotion stung her eyes without recourse and she rolled deeper into his heat, draping her thigh over his wherein his arms instinctively encircled her where they stayed – _she knew he was awake now _– and was about to say something but then she heard it, the call of her angel and instead she listened with great interest as Ruby began to babble, her sweet gurgle filling their room over the baby monitor. Derek held her close, pressing a hot kiss to her head through her hair. Her lips found his naked chest and she pulsed her mouth over his heart, _once, twice,_ burrowing deeper and even deeper still – _Ruby's song their soundtrack for the moment_ – her soft coos and squeals of delight harmonizing with the bird's calls as the shadows danced and their room became brighter.

Derek drew Meredith near, caressing her smooth soft skin, still warm with sleep, _rub, rub, rub. _He opened his heavy eyes and blinked. "Good morning," he said gruffly, his lips pressed into her neck, _pulse, pulse,_ he kissed her sweet flesh, breathing her in as he did.

"Morning," she sighed from somewhere deep inside he euphoria. Ruby babbled on and on, her sweet baby voice floating throughout the room.

"She's chatty," Derek chuckled, holding Meredith close, his nose pressed into her flesh, his fingertips dancing under the soft cotton of her tee shirt.

Meredith giggled and pulled back, finding her lover's sparkling eyes with ease. "She takes after her daddy," she teased playfully as she rolled on top of him, tucking her knees up to flank his torso.

"Hmm, I won't argue … she's … a morning baby," he mused, softly caressing her back. "I love you," he said simply, moving his arms around her where he held her there, cherishing her heat. "And I really love this … waking up with you, listening to her … together," he sighed, enjoying the moment.

"Me too … and you're right," she whispered into his ear. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and pulled back. "We can do the trial … as long as we get this, mornings like this … every once in a while, we'll … connect," she thought aloud.

Derek leaned forward, his smile reaching his eyes – _she had slept on it, she had heard him and now he knew she felt better _– he tilted his head up and kissed her heart-shaped mouth, brushing his nose against hers as he did. "She comes first," he declared, making sure she heard his promise, Ruby would not know a childhood like her mother's … never would she know neglect and what it meant.

"She does," Meredith said, kissing Derek once more before she rolled off of him, moving flush up against him, pressing kisses to his chest, boom-boom, went his heart.

_The couple closed their eyes and wrapped themselves around one another then – a cocoon unto themselves – their harmonic energy encapsulating them as they let the new morning fade away. Derek kissed Meredith's head and listened to the sound of his family, his daughter's soft babble, the wind moving through the tall trees outside, the birds calling to one another and his lover's slow and steady breaths – in, out, in, out – he kissed her again and her eyes popped open. And so there they stayed for a moment longer without blinking, blue to green, green to blue, equals, partners and parents. Meredith smiled and watched the shadows become lighter and even brighter still while Ruby's babble became more energetic as the family ritualistically welcomed a new day._

"We don't have that much time," Meredith said after another minute, glancing at the clock, they had about an hour before they had to leave for the ferry. She pulled the covers back.

Derek peeked at the clock. "Bring her in here … feed her in bed," he mused thoughtfully, his eyes closed again.

"We'll be back," she answered, a smile on her face. She leaned over and kissed his perfect-fit lips, swallowing his low moan as she did.

Rolling out of his arms, she slipped from the warmth of their bed, her feet padding along the cool texture of the plush area rugs as the cooler morning air pricked her skin – _she shivered and stopped to click the baby monitor off _– Ruby's voice became a simple echo for a beat before she pushed the adjoining door to the nursery open, just a crack before she slipped into the solace within without a sound.

Sighing inside, Meredith waited for the familiar serenity to envelope her, quite awestruck by the rose-tinted shadows that danced throughout the enclave now – _both light and dark, the blushed tones intensely illuminated via the small stained-glass window art piece Derek had purchased the previous weekend _– inside of which was a beautifully crafted hibiscus flower, one that instantly brought forth the warmth of the island.

Closing her eyes, she once again listened to the sound of her baby daughter _'talking'_ animatedly, her little chortle filling the small space all the while stock images of Bali framed the corners of Meredith's mind – _countless dancing hibiscus flowers, warmed under the hot Balinese sun, moved by the short gusts of the humid sea air _– Bali … Bali was still calling … and so was her angel.

With a smile upon her face, Meredith opened her eyes and stepped closer to the crib _– eager to see her little cherub before she spotted her_ – curious to watch her and absorb her peace and the way in which she _'saw'_ the world, rose-colored glass and all. The new mother's smile broad now as she doted on their miracle – _one chubby fist in her mouth, her bight green eyes wide open and curious, fixated on her stained-glass hibiscus – _with one leg raised, resting atop her crib bumper as she babbled on and on while those new accented shadows danced and danced.

She sighed and Ruby turned her head to find her mommy – _her dark hair wild from sleep just like her daddy's _– wherein Meredith's heartbeat slowed _down, down, down_, resting now deep inside the peace of mind and pure joy that overpowered anything else she might have felt at the moment, for the had indeed stopped spinning because mother and daughter had connected and therein had become the center of each other's universes again.

Ruby tilted her head up and a raucous coo escaped from her upturned lips and then she smiled – _wide and happy and all the way to her bright fearless eyes_ – and inside the seconds that followed, as Meredith scooped her baby up from her crib, she knew that Derek was right … she knew that _'they could do this, save countless lives' _… and she also knew that they _should_ do this, if only together.

###

_My mommy's smile lights up my space now, the worry etched along her features nowhere to be seen, for this is a reunion and I know she will shed no tears. She is overjoyed. So much so that the dull rays of sunlight seeping through the rose colored glass and the whimsical shadows that entertain me, have nothing on her brilliance – for they have become a mere distraction, something to occupy my mind whilst she is away. _

_And though I seek and find solace within my daddy's arms, I truly find all that I need within my mommy. I miss her when she is not with me and have discovered that this longing manifests itself in the form of a dull ache … an innate desire to see her face and know that everything is just as it should be._

_And even though the energy all around me lends this to be true, I have other reassurances … my daddy's words are one. 'You can do this' – he professes to my mommy all the time and I know he believes his convictions, for I know he dare not give her less than full honesty, for much like he has a special place and a special kind of love for me, he has the same reverence for her as well. _

_She is his everything. And he is hers. They are connected. They are my parents; they are cohesive – no different than the long strands of shadows that seem to whirl around my room like party streamers – they exalt, they dance fluidly … morning … noon … and night for they complete me … and I complete with them. _

"_I am your London Bridge; you are my falling down."_

**Chapter 5 to follow.**


	5. Chapter 5, Taste

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: Hoping to find readers still interested in this fluffy, whimsical Meredith/Derek story … if you're out there, please let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 5 – Taste**

"_I am your carrot sticks; you are my licorice."_

_As time moves on and days blend into nights and those nights become the next day and the day after that, I realize that I am truly an entity unto myself. I know this now, that I am independent to a point and that my experiences belong solely to me and are seen and heard from own my point of view. _

_For they are made of snippets of time wherein no one is watching over me … rather, I am watching them. And so, sometimes I am a witness; I form my own opinions and create my own reflections, especially when it comes to my parents. Because I can so easily see them for whom they are and how they behave together when no else is around … or when they think no one is watching over them … and I have to say, they mystify me … for they are truly smitten, alighted by one another and I by them. _

_My heart aflutter … my wings spread …my eyes open … my mind free … my spirit soars. _

_Even now, as I sit across from them, my mommy smiling, her eyes bright and green as I watch her cheeks become pink from something my daddy has whispered to her, something I didn't need to hear, but only needed to bear witness to … to see all that he does to her. _

_She replies to him, her voice melodic, flirting now with the warm air radiating from the hearth. I tilt my head and feel a smile crack along my face as she turns to me, her eyes crinkled around the edges as she runs her fingertip along the swell of my cheek, praising me and loving me in quiet awe, much like I do when I look at her. _

_And as I smile and bask in her attention, I watch and wait for her giggle, my daddy bending down now, pulling the collar of her shirt aside, his lips descending upon her shoulder cap – her giggle floating again – swirling with his playful chuckle accompanied by a slight smirk set along his handsome face … his eyes sparkling too as he sits down next to her and tilts his head and smiles at her as he sets something foreign down upon the tray in front of me. _

_I eye this foreign object carefully and then I meet their curious gazes, I feel my brow knit, I watch them smile ... giddy, happy, round faces, so in love with me and with each other now that I fall in love with them and the idea of them … their radiant energy so powerful that it also becomes mine … my own to feel … my own to observe … and my own experience. _

###

"There's no way she gonna eat this," Meredith conspired, smiling at Ruby as she raised a baby teaspoon coated with pureed peas up to scrutinize the veggie, cringing inside as she did. "It seems cruel, doesn't it?" she prompted, making a sidelong glance at Derek.

"Well, if you keep looking at it like that, she never eat it … and no, it's not cruel, it's responsible," he said pointedly with a smile. Meredith shook her head. Ruby eyed him carefully. He smiled broadly.

"Don't fall for his charm baby," Meredith teased as she set the spoon down and ran her fingertips along the soft swell of Ruby's cheek.

Derek smirked. "All you need to do is taste it Ruby … babies love their green veggies," he cooed. "Listen to daddy," he murmured softly; smiling at the way his daughter regarded him with her green all-seeing eyes, so much like her mother's.

_Meredith giggled and leaned back, grabbing the small digital camera they kept handy to record the abundance of memorable moments they seemed to experience, almost daily, with their love-baby. She looked through the lens and snapped a quick photo of Ruby with her eyes focused intensely on the small jar of peas, her face quizzical, her brow slightly knitted … she was nonplussed … click, click, click. _

_Her shutter snapped rhythmically now as Derek raised the spoon and touched it to Ruby's pursed lips, her tiny tongue darting out for a taste – the recognition of something startling, new, different – set deep inside the facets of her emerald eyes, crystal clear, glimmering with fascination as she rolled the peas around in her mouth, tasting them and tilting her head as she did. _

Meredith sighed and lowered the camera, beaming with pride now. "Such a smart baby," she cooed softly, the slight crack of her voice betraying her.

"She is," Derek agreed, turning to his lover; he pressed his lips together and held her inside the moment until she smiled.

Turning back to the baby now, they looked on, proud parents, watching with bated breath as Ruby continued to roll the small amount of peas around in her mouth. Derek smiled and leaned closer, unable to stop himself from pressing his lips to her chubby cheek, all the while breathing her in, his heart full of love and pride.

"You did good," he whispered, pecking her cheek again.

_Meredith sighed and closed the jar before she stood and grabbed the spoon, realizing that she had once again opened Pandora's Box – paradoxically overjoyed and yet a little despondent – for her baby was already eating, five months old and trying baby food. She sighed and set the small jar in the refrigerator, closing the door, the crossed the small space to the sink and began to wash the last of the dishes there. _

_Her mind wandering now as she listened to the sounds of their home – Derek's playful praise for Ruby's efforts – the wind howling across the clearing outside, the fire crackling and hissing at the hearth, smiling now as she looked out of the window in front of her and let her eyes roam along the perimeter of the clearing and the lake … Doc's place … memories from whence they came flooding back to her now as she looked into the sink to carefully lift one of her more precious Balinese treasures … her mortar, the heavy stone basin an instant reminder of those magical moments of connectivity she and Derek shared on Bali … the sustenance of their relationship as it was today. _

_Setting the mortar on the drain board, she dried her hands and smiled, looking forward now to the afternoon ahead where their past, present and futures would align once again. She glanced at the clock over the oven as she hung her dishtowel to dry, calculating now – the entire 'family' would be here in less than two hours – and she was essentially finished with her preparations … her sauces (base gede and spicy peanut) were made, her chicken was skewered and wrapped, her rice steamer, ready … her latest mango delivery ripening on the window._

_She turned around to find Derek, watching him as he used a handful of baby wipes to clean Ruby's tiny, cherubic face – her smile big and sloppy, her cheeks pink, her eyes playful as she stared at her daddy – wherein Meredith lost herself for a beat in time. Her emotions getting the best of her now, her sentimental side pushing it's way to the surface again as Derek scooped the baby up and began to shower her clean face with kisses all over, her tiny roar of a giggle filling their home as he did. _

Derek brought Ruby down to his hip and pressed his lips to her forehead as he cradled their little pea-lover in his arms. "I remember when you were just a bit bigger than a pea yourself," he confided with a wry grin. He turned around to find Meredith watching them. He smiled and walked toward her, tilting his head, his eyes pinned on hers as he came to stand in front of her. "You okay?" he asked, running his fingertip along her soft cheek.

His question hung in the air as he regarded her, for it was no secret between them that she felt a bit tattered and torn around the edges as of late – _the emotional stress of the clinical trial coupled with missing Ruby whilst at work and the putting together of their small destination wedding_ – well, it was no wonder her emotional pendulum was struggling to find balance and not necessarily in a bad way … just in a way that it was … a struggle.

_Meredith considered Derek and nodded, her eyes suddenly glassy akin to a frozen pond– green-gray – her heart trembling slightly as she tried to keep her emotions at bay … the pressure to do so insurmountable at times. And even though she knew Derek understood, she still felt as though this was a mother's struggle – the desire to find balance – for she didn't want to let one thing be the compromise because she felt everything was important: their baby and life together and the clinical trial. She wanted it all! She wiped her tired eyes and glanced at the clock on the mantle. _

"We have just under two hours," she announced, leaning forward, she tilted her head up; Derek ducked down and kissed her, soft and quick, his lips warm and familiar, her tension slipped far and away … one kiss, that was still all it took.

"How about a power-nap? We can sleep for a little bit while she's down," he suggested softly, his arm draped along her shoulders now; he kissed her sweet lips again.

Ruby stretched her arms out for Meredith – _her toothless smile wide as she called out, her gurgle bubbling between her parents_ – her tired eyes locked on her mother's as she wiggled and twisted her body. Derek chuckled and Meredith grinned, cooing to her daughter as she and her lover effortlessly changed hands.

"A nap with you sounds perfect," she answered as they turned to make their way down the hallway en route to the nursery, her little bundle growing heavier in her arms as they walked.

"It smells like Ketut's kitchen in here," Derek mused aloud; he squeezed Meredith's shoulders. "I think he'd be proud," he smiled.

"You think?" she asked as they entered Ruby's enclave.

"I do … I still love the fact that Ketut arranged cooking lessons for you," he chided, his playful eyes bating her. "I mean … with all of her intuition, I still think she knew you needed them," he teased like the devil.

Meredith scoffed as she set the baby down on the changing table. "Well, they paid off," she pouted with a grin that betrayed her.

"Yeah … they did," he mused as he closed the blinds wherein only fragmented light remained as Meredith changed the baby's diaper and he came to stand next to her.

_Their eyes meeting briefly – their aura alive and well as their hearts beat in unison for a shared moment in time – before they turned back to their baby daughter and watched her watch them … following her gaze when she turned her head and focused on her wall-hanging … for much like her parents was drawn to the island's beauty as depicted there and oh so vividly in their memories._

###

"Meri, this is really something," Owen smiled, taking yet another satay skewer. "God, this reminds me of Ketut's kitchen," he murmured as he pulled the chicken from the wooden stick. And then he chuckled. "Or that _warung_ near the clinic, remember the guy with the good rice?" he asked, his rich memories of the island resurfacing … percolating … calling to him.

"I remember the rice and I remember craving it – _not as much as mango_ – but … his sticky rice, yeah … so good," she sighed along with her dear friend.

Owen took another satay and doused it in Meredith's spicy peanut sauce _– he pulled the chicken from the stick and tossed it into the nearby trashcan_ – watching as Meredith worked on the last detail of her sticky rice dessert, the coconut milk boiling at the stove. He smiled and turned his attention to the rest of the pack, already having migrated to the living room.

He smiled and watched the players for a beat – _his eyes colliding with Cristina's for a beat_ – she winked; he took another skewer and held it up in a mock-toast. She shook her head and turned back to her friends where the energy was high and the tempo was nice and steady, having congregated here to have a _'wedding'_ brunch for Meredith and Derek before they went away to get married. He smiled and regarded Meredith, the memories of their first few weeks they spent together as relative strangers colliding now with everything they had become to one another: _trusted friends, allies, co-workers … family. _

"So much has changed for all of us … especially, for me … and for Derek since Ruby was born," Meredith said out of nowhere after a moment. Owen turned back around. She stirred her coconut sauce. "I have all these little moments, flutters … memories of our time on Bali, they just pop into my head of their own free will," she smiled, flicking her eyes to his.

"Me too," Owen chuckled. "I'll be scrubbing out … or walking home in the rain and all of a sudden, I'll think about how you landed on Bali … and changed my entire life …," he smiled thoughtfully, a stock image of his dear friends and Wayan floated through his mind … he sighed.

The pair smiled, both chuckling as Meredith turned to prepare a pot of jasmine tea – _she filled the kettle up and set it upon a high flame_ – Owen tossed the balance of his satay skewers in the trashcan before he began to wash his plate, they worked in silence for a several minutes, each lost within their warm Balinese memories – _the hot humid air, their extended family, the bright, high sun, the choppy Indian Ocean _– and all that still lingered within from their experiences: _peace, harmony, inner strength._

"The clinic will be a year old next week," Meredith breathed, her voice soft, reflective. "Thank you … for the gift, for the clinic ... I know you know I am … I just … I love this connection we still have … and Wayan is there and he's all right …," she rambled on, fresh tears pricked her eyes.

"Well, you're a very inspiring woman," Owen deemed with a chuckle, remembering now Derek's tenacity in getting the clinic up and running. He smiled and she eyed him carefully, pushing those flyaway hairs behind her ears. "I was just Derek's wingman," he reminded her. "One of a handful as you well know," he stated pointedly with a smile.

"I know … but I'm saying _'thank you'_ to you again … now," she pushed with a smirk, for it was no secret between them that forging an alliance such as this, a long-term attachment to people he cared for was virtually unheard of in the realm of his life before he met up with her and Derek.

"You're welcome Meri," he sighed; pressing his lips together, pondering just how drastically he had changed in the last year. He smiled, quantifying those changes now as he contemplated the staggering growth of the clinic in just the same amount of time. He sighed and nodded his head. "Another milestone for your namesake … a year already," he sighed thoughtfully.

_Wherein Meredith's mind instantly fell on Wayan and Ketut, feeling that sudden urge to 'Skype' with them, having already grown accustomed to taking advantage of the tax shelter's recent investment in a computer and Internet access for the clinic. And though the connection was shoddy at times, it was still worth every penny, especially when it came to seeing and speaking with their boy._

_The teakettle began to whistle, pulling Meredith from her private reverie. She turned the stove off and moved the kettle from the heat, turning around now to find Owen slicing the mangos she had left off to the side, his hands moving quickly as he worked with the fleshy fruit. Meredith inhaled the sweet essence, the elixir coating her nostrils as she did. She smiled broadly just as Owen looked up and spotted her there, a wry chuckle escaping his lips._

"Memories," he laughed, cracking a smile at her as a vivid picture of Wayan with a mango offering in each hand popped into his head and there again, he was back on Bali.

"Sweet memories," Meredith giggled, her hand falling to the flat plane of her abdomen where it stayed for the briefest of moments. "Shall we?" she asked, looking over the contents of the trays they had prepared.

"After you," Owen replied as he followed Meredith's lead, padding across the mid-sized floor plan, smiling now at the sight before them.

Their extended _'family'_ situated there with Ruby at the center of the mix, happily vibrating on her bouncy seat, gumming on her slippery fist – _her eyes bright and alert and quiet as she spied on the players_ – their collective energy bouncing around the space … happy, at ease and beyond thrilled at what the alignment of the so-called stars had afforded them: _a few hours of time spent away from the hospital … together._

_Meredith smiled, her eyes moving swiftly, watching how Mark flirted with Callie, his arm draped possessively along her shoulders as he whispered into her ear, her eyes dancing in tandem with his as he spoke to her … and Cristina as she sparred heatedly with Alex, her eyes narrowed and serious, though more playful now too, for the old adversaries had somehow become friends … and Izzie with her soft, blue eyes fixed on Ruby as she chatted away with Moira, whom George was admiring from afar … which left Bailey and Tuck, standing near the hearth with Derek wherein Tuck was making 'torches' out of old newspapers for Derek who strategically placed them in between a trio of new, hissing logs. The fire crackled; yes, their home was teeming with jubilant energy._

Derek stood up and found Meredith's eyes and held her gaze as he stepped closer to her and took the tray off of her hands. "If you move Ruby, I'll set this down," he smiled.

"That'll work," she smiled in return.

_Her eyes landing on Ruby now where she watched for her baby to spot her, waiting to see that special look, the one she saved just for her mommy, the one that said … 'you're mine'. With that same smile still etched along her face, she approached, setting her hand on Izzie's shoulder briefly before her little angel spotted her – tilting her head like her father – her sparkling green eyes fastened to hers in quiet awe wherein mother and child fell in love with one another … again. Izzie unfastened the baby and Meredith scooped her up, her tiny giggle reverberating between them now as Meredith kissed and kissed her chubby cheeks._

"Mommy loves you," she cooed breathlessly. "Thanks Izz," she sighed as she came to sit next to her on the sofa, her eyes once again moving over the players.

"Alex, we're up," Izzie smiled excitedly all of a sudden. She stood and commanded control of the room. "George, you too," she pointed. Then she turned to Meredith, her eyes moving between she and Derek for a beat. "We'll be right back," she smiled brightly.

_Meredith giggled and looked quizzically at Moira who shrugged and only moved to sit in Izzie's seat – her eyes filled with mystery and intrigue as she held her arms out to Tuck who slid in beside her followed by Bailey. Cristina moved one seat closer to her 'person', her eyes bright and shiny as she found Owen's eyes as he set his tray of wares down onto the table next to Meredith's. She sighed and pursed her lips together and Meredith watched her friend's eyes twinkle and then she also smiled because she was intimately familiar with that twinkle, the one that said everything without words. Her friends were in love … madly … deeply … in love. _

Derek also took a seat, pushing himself back and into the deep leather sofa and closed his eyes for a brief moment – _inhaling the essence of his home, a perfect mixture now of the Seattle sea and Balinese sweetness_ – he smiled with satisfaction, listening to his surrounding sounds: _his lover's melodic giggle, the gurgle of his chatty baby and their extended 'family' in hushed conversation. _

The front door opened after another minute, a sudden movement of cold and hot air breezed through the living room and Derek opened his eyes and followed everyone's gaze as he did. He smiled, watching now as Izzie and Alex and George walked toward them, shoulder to shoulder, each holding two small cake boxes. Izzie's smile both broad and proud, her cheeks tickled pink now as she came to stand in front of them.

"What's all this?" Meredith asked, somewhat mystified by her friend and the enchanted look upon her face.

"Well, since we all can't be there to celebrate your soon-to-be wedding …," she smiled, her eyes dancing between the lovers. "And since you can't have a wedding without cake …," she admonished playfully and set the boxes down. "And you can't have a wedding _cake_ without … a cake tasting …," she hinted, her eyes fastened to Meredith's where she watched her friend smile with recognition. "I thought … we could do that now, all together," she breathed, her heart more than giddy with the prospect of the Grey-Shepherd wedding.

"She spent the last few nights baking … and baking … and … baking," Alex chuckled with a smirk as he set his boxes down as well, his eyes bouncing now too, for he knew how excited Izzie was about Meredith marrying Derek.

"I've never seen anything like it," Moira chimed in as she thought about the baking frenzy that had ensued over the last week or so. "She's incredible," she smiled. "Such stamina," she cackled, sounding an awful lot like Larissa as she did.

"A regular _'Betty Crocker'_ in light blue scrubs," George chuckled as he set his boxes down too.

"Well, that's better than _'Malibu Barbie'_," Izzie retorted with a roll of her beautiful blue eyes.

"Hey, don't knock her … I have very fond memories … of the beach … with a blond …," Alex said suggestively. "Yeah …I liked _'Malibu Barbie' _…_,_" he sighed with a smirk, nodding playfully.

"Oh yeah, _'Malibu Barbie' _… she was hot!" Mark cackled. Callie rolled her eyes and nudged his ribs as his guffaw overtook the place for a beat. "Damn," he smiled like Cheshire Cat, childhood memories rushing to his head now. "Remember Derek? Nancy had one!" he exclaimed, winking at his old friend.

"Yeah …," Derek chuckled at his friend's antics as shook his head and the room became more lively.

"Seriously Sloan? Hot?" Bailey interjected as she stared him down, her arm around her boy.

"Damn, did you see that?" Callie exclaimed. "She stared you way the heck down… wow," she giggled. "How do you _do_ that?" she asked, shaking her head in awe of Miranda Bailey.

"Innate talent," Bailey replied dryly with a satisfied smile.

Cristina cleared her throat, her mind wandering. "That's a lot of cake," she surmised evenly as the players turned to her. The men began to unhinge the cake boxes. Derek stood and moved one of the trays to the side table.

"Hmm, a little something for everyone," Izzie ventured, carefully charting her course with Cristina, the sense of déjà vu hovering over both women now.

Cristina smiled. "Well … there better not be any red velvet," she deadpanned, her mouth upturned as she sparred, her mind instantly landing on the distant memory of her own cake tasting debacle with Burke.

Izzie snickered. "Are you kidding me? I don't have a death wish!" she chided, her mind aligned with Cristina's now.

_Meredith smiled and draped her arm around Cristina's shoulder. Ruby craned her neck back and up, leaning against her ribs over Meredith's arm, her green eyes searching the women, back and forth. Cristina smiled in return and Meredith watched as her friend's eyes softened around the edges. The women sighed collectively and if the idea of cake tasting had bothered Cristina Yang at all now, no one would have known._

###

Hours later, Derek padded through their once again quiet home, having just been able to connect with Ketut and Wayan himself, he scooped Ruby up and whisked her down the hallway to the solace of her room. Meredith having just fed her, he rocked his love baby as he walked her, _down, down, down …_ slipping inside of her room where he cradled her heavier body in his arms before he set her down in her crib, her eyes sleepy, yet alert and peaceful too. He leaned forward and smiled, holding her gaze as she reached up and set her tiny hand along his cheek, the curious tilt of her head mimicking his wherein he melted inside and let the peaceful energy encapsulate them for a lost beat in time.

"Night, night baby, daddy loves you," he whispered into the darkness. He took her hand and rested it upon her chest before he smiled and watched her eyes dip shut only to open again.

He sighed and knew she would be asleep soon enough if he let her be. Backing away, he slipped out of her room and headed back from whence he came, moving toward the soft light at the end of the hallway. The perpetual fire crackled and the air became warmer and even warmer still and he found peace as Meredith's soft voice billowed through their enclave while she spoke with her beloved Wayan.

Derek entered the kitchen then and switched the baby monitor on, adjusting the volume to hear just enough of the hallow echo of Ruby's soft babble come through. Satisfied, he grabbed two forks, his eyes flicking to Meredith's as he sat down across from her where she peered over the small laptop screen and smiled before returning her full attention to her boy.

Sitting back, he inhaled a large breath of air – _woodsy and warm and sweet like a bakery_ – the last of the cake, a piece of each one sat on a plate in front of him. He smiled at the memories they made today and listened to Meredith and Wayan chat slowly in broken English, realizing once again how much the child had grown, for it was hard to believe it had been a year since they first met.

_His mind instantly falling back in time now to the first time he saw Meredith embrace the boy on the afternoon he first arrived on Bali with her – the memory so vivid and defining – the throngs of villagers between them, mother and child 'swimming' out to sea to get to one another, the stifling hot air so thick he could barely breathe – the wind truly sucked out of him as he watched the way in which Meredith rocked her boy, her peace of mind – still, even to this day, the small moving image … moved him. _

He glanced at the clock, it was almost noon on Sunday on Bali – _the sun surely perched high in the sky over the azure blue Indian Ocean _– he closed his eyes and focused, finding himself standing just outside the courtyard of the _Zen cottage_. He sighed, his heart rate slowing down now as he pushed any and all tension away, far and away as he listened with a keen ear to the sounds all around him – _the fountain trickled, slowly, slowly, Meredith giggled, Wayan sighed, Ruby babbled and the fire hissed _– yes, he listened intensely to all the good in his life and for the briefest of moments, he let the balance of his tension go.

For even though they were cautiously optimistic with regards to the outcome of the clinical trial, Derek felt sure that once they began, the pressure would mount and anything less than complete success would feel like a massive failure. Opening his eyes, he pulled himself from his thoughts, watching now as Meredith bade farewell to her boy … Ketut's melodic voice funneling over the line now. He breathed and focused on the good ... because everything really was good at the moment.

"_A year has passed,"_ came Ketut's melodic voice, her innate peace permeated through the line.

Meredith smiled thoughtfully and set her eyes upon Ketut's, basking in her peaceful aura and the way she never failed to captivate her. "And what a year it's been," she breathed, so much had happened and with the most wonderful twists of fate too.

"_A beautiful one … one to remember … forever,"_ Ketut spoke softly, yet her convictions were firm. _"It was for the joy …," _she declared; the line crackled.

"Yes, it was," Meredith murmured, a soft smile played along her face. "Until next week then?" she prompted with that same soft smile.

"_Yes, yes … and Ruby … she is a gem, press a kiss to her cheek … say, 'this is from Ketut',"_ she instructed, her voice playful.

"I will," Meredith assured, smiling at her friend before the connection was lost.

She sighed and felt Derek's eyes on hers and listened to Ruby's soft baby gurgles for a beat before she closed the laptop and pushed it aside to find the Indian Ocean there staring back at her.

_Derek didn't say anything, but instead he picked up a fork and took a bite of cake – chocolate with just the right amount of coconut – he smiled and flicked his eyes to Meredith's, who was also smiling as she took a small bite of the carrot one he seemed to like best. She pressed her lips together and batted her lashes over her playful eyes as she shook her head and turned the plate around so that the carrot piece was in front of him. He took a large bite of his favorite, the cream cheese icing flooded his mouth and he smiled, it was still the best. _

"We're getting married," he announced softly after a minute, shaking his head as he took another bite of cake.

"Three weeks," Meredith murmured before she took a bite of the marble cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, reminded of the sweetness of Izzie's gesture with each bite she took.

"Three weeks … and you'll be a Shepherd too," Derek mused, setting his fork down.

"Hmm …," she giggled. "I'm still not changing my name, you know," she sighed, a smile plastered to her face.

"I know," he laughed. "Maybe you'll grow into the idea of hyphenating …," he suggested, egging her on, just because.

"Well … maybe, but at least on paper … a specific piece of paper … I will be," she sighed wistfully, her cheeks flushed from the sugar and her lighthearted feelings.

_A Shepherd, she was almost a Shepherd. She set her fork down and stared at her lover's crystal clear eyes then, knowing that no matter what, they had each other and it was a truly beautiful thing to know and to rely upon. She smiled and let it all resonate and radiate for moment – paying no mind to the tiny tears that pricked her eyes – for there was just too much emotion riding on that was happening in their lives at the moment and it had to be okay … it had to be. For being mother had changed the way she saw the world and these patients they had begun to meet for the trial whilst preparing their prototype – well, they were special people, they were someone's family – someone's father or brother or son … or mother or daughter … 'Ruby, Ruby'._

Derek couldn't take his eyes off of Meredith as he watched her become engrossed in her deep thoughts, her beautiful mind at work. No, he couldn't turn away from her – _not even when she would prefer for him to look away as she sometimes did when her emotions got the better of her _– but right here, right now on the precipice of so many memorable times in their life together … he just couldn't. He sighed and pushed his chair back, walking around the side of the table where he held his hand out for her to help her stand. He smiled and ducked down, pressing his lips to hers, soft and quick, kissing her, marveling in that habit they had truly grown used to as it manifested itself over and over again as time moved on.

"You know …," he whispered, pulling back. "You already are, to me … you have been for a while now, a Shepherd just like me … and Ruby," he muttered, so lost in the depths of her shining eyes.

Meredith blinked her tears away and nodded before she leaned up and kissed his sweet lips. "Yeah I know … I am," she sighed happily.

The couple sighed and smiled, listening for a second as Ruby's chatter became softer and less frequent. "She's tired," Derek said as he took the forks and set them in the sink behind him.

"She is," Meredith agreed as she covered the cake and put it in the refrigerator, spying that small bottle of peas again. "You really like that carrot cake over the chocolate?" she asked as she closed the door.

"I do," he sassed. "But the chocolate was good, c'mon, it's Izzie's … it's _all_ good," he chuckled, draping his arm around her trim shoulders.

"Yeah … it is … _everything_ is good," Meredith sighed thoughtfully, her eyes moving over the kitchen one last time where she spotted a row of baby food jars Derek had left along the side of one of the counters and then she smiled at the array of colors, green, orange, yellow … and new tastes of Ruby's near future.

She closed the light and turned into Derek's heat, his lips pressed to the top of her head as they walked down the hallway and came to stand just outside their baby's bedroom. Meredith peeked up to Derek and they quietly slipped into the enclave, this safe-haven they had created tucked far and away from the entire world.

A single night-light cast a wealth of serene energy throughout the room as they padded across the plush carpet, their fingers interlocked, just in time to see their baby turn her little head _– taking one last look at her beloved 'gringsing'_ – for the alternating ribbon of brown earth and bright green rice paddies could easily be seen even in the dark.

Derek, set his warm hands upon Meredith's shoulders and massaged her there while they watched their little miracle shiver as her body finally relaxed and she fell fast asleep, where he could only hope that she, like her parents before her, would chase her dreams under the Balinese sun she heard so much about.

###

_My special place in the world is dark now, night has befallen me, but I have no care for that darkness because I know I will soon be dreaming and my dreams are made from the unfathomable … liquid dreams of color and this warm sun I keep hearing so much about. I am almost there, almost there and then I feel their presence, my parents, and I know they have come to look over me one last time in the darkness. _

_My voice is as quiet and calm as my heart now as I drift off, turning my head away from their energy, so that they may have their moment and so that I may have mine._

_For this is one of my secret joys, watching my mommy especially, absorbing the way she looks at me sometimes when she thinks I am not seeing her – for I enjoy bearing witness to her private moments – those brief moments in time when perhaps she is thinking about what it means for her to be my mother … and so I let her have these, just as she does for me when she waits for me to see her first. _

_And the more this happens, the more I realize that this must be the way of the mother – this careful way she guides me, but lets me have my own moments – my own experiences … my own reflections and … my own tastes … even if it means that she must offer the 'green stuff' to me from time to time. _

"_I am your dandelion; you are my first wish."_

**Chapter 6 to follow.**


	6. Chapter 6, 'Them'

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: To say I am discouraged about feedback for this story is somewhat of an understatement. It's funny, for those die-hard Meredith and Derek fans, I thought this story would be like a dream – something plausible for these characters we love so much – had they had a chance to grow and mature, both together and apart from one another. **

**And I could worry that this story is terrible or something, but there hundreds of views/readers/clicks … high hundreds, but only 3 notes of encouragement. **

**Anyway, I love this next part, I feel like it's a gift, my gift to these characters … it is made from what they so richly deserve, moments like this, memories that fulfill dreams … right along with those fans, like myself, who just want these two people to have it all. **

**Chapter 6 – **_**'Them'**_

"_I am your water wings; you are my deep."_

_From where I look on, I see 'them' and they are radiant. And this is the only fact I have been acutely aware of since we arrived here – this place where the sun hangs high in the sky in perpetuity – day after day, bright, hot, white, warm … it is vibrant and full of life and it makes me smile at the peaceful beings my parents have become to and for one another whilst immersed here thus far._

_Simply put, it's the energy that surrounds us that is so unique and intriguing – for it courses through us akin to photosynthesized sunlight, warming us from the outside in – and so encapsulated are we with that light … that we have no other option but to grow and reach and achieve … what we want … our nourishment … our goals … our dreams._

_Dreams … my parents' collective dreams … so real now that they are living them out in a theatrical play for all to see – for it is here that they stand – perched along a path suddenly so rich with hope and unspent possibilities – that I watch them pause and smile or stare at one another … in awe of all they have become: everything to one another._

_Everything … their future, so evident and brilliant, it is nothing short of astounding. And this I know to be true and valid now, for I have witnessed this proof everywhere I turn – I know they have arrived upon a new plane of existence, having reached a new echelon in their relationship – for the power of their union willfully reflects back at me from the shining faces of those here with us … both friends and family … some new faces and some familiar … and a special one – another tiny one, a baby too – full of genuine wonderment, mystery and intrigue, just like I am. _

_And so as I live inside this unyielding life force of space and time, I do what comes naturally to me here – I smile and look on with hope – and live out these treasured moments like I do most of my moments … with amazement … because I realize everything I experience is as new and relevant and as meaningful as my parents' wedding vows are to them._

_And so as Moira wraps her comforting arms around me and presses her warm lips to the swell of my pink cheek, I watch my daddy lace his fingers through my mommy's as they come to stand together under a canopy made from wood and ruby red hibiscus flowers. They smile at one another – eyes bright, cheeks flushed – their love a magnetic superpower, an energy I can't help but become lost within, for it simply twirls up and into warm, heavy air ...millions of tiny, impervious particulates made of everything that makes them … 'them'. _

_I blink and as I settle into Moira's heat, a warm, salty breeze pushes against my face, the sea air fills my lungs and I relax, captivated as I watch the delicate silk of my mother's long ecru dress shift around her legs, the fabric swaying … dancing to a silent melody, my daddy's hand pressed low on her back, his fingertips flirting along the scalloped edge of her dress – still soothing her like no other as she gravitates toward him – my ears sharp as I hear the soft baritone of his voice as his whispers intimately to her wherein I reflexively smile when my mother's giggle floats into the air … her nose wrinkled, his forehead pressed against hers now where they are remain lost within one another … the world a far away place … until a burley stranger comes to stand before them._

_And though this person is a stranger to me – I know he is of some importance on this special day – for his round and jolly face tell me as much … as do his bright, faceted eyes and his cheeks flushed with happiness and peace and lest I forget, his smile both genuine and disarming as he begins to speak intimately with my parents wherein I too find myself utterly captivated. Yes, I am completely drawn to the perfect pitch of his melodic voice – watching with bated breath as my parents pledge their entire lives to one another – their eyes intense, their smiles persistent, their collective energy awe-inspiring, for they are one to each other … an entity, perched upon a new threshold … and in that moment, I realize I am also blessed, for it is a miracle that I am here to bear witness to their long-awaited union._

_I feel a smile crack along my face now, my heart skipping a full beat as I watch their mouths meet inside the black silhouette made from the sun and the ocean – my focus jarred by the thunderous claps and great cheer erupting from those sitting alongside me – my heart alighted when my breathless parents turn around to find me ... and right then, right there in that flicker that moment, I know I've witnessed a miracle … the product of fate and the crossing of destinies fulfilled … once again._

_Beaming with pride, they glide toward me now, their shining gateways never closing as I reach for them and they for me – our connection restored as I burrow into my mommy's heat – instantly charmed and soothed by her energy … her embrace so inviting and vibrant and sure, it is more magical than ever before … and this is how we stay, swaying in the warm tropical breeze, cradled now by my daddy's love as he holds us close._

###

"See now, mommy's a Shepherd too," Derek cooed, whispering to his angel before he pressed his nose into the crease of her neck and kissed her there, cradling his family … his wife and child.

_His heart racing as he pulled back, his eyes instantly locked with Meredith's where they smiled, pushing the world away for a beat longer – just long enough to wrap themselves around one another, positioning Ruby at the center of their own world – holding one another steady, the trio connecting again as Derek regarded Meredith …noticing now how her beauty had somehow multiplied and magnified since their arrival on the island almost two days ago. A genuine smile tugging at his lips as he leaned forward and kissed his bride's flushed cheek, heated from both the sun and her emotions._

"Married," he murmured, smiling broadly, catching that twinkle in her eye … a new spark of happiness, joy and hope as his fingertips brushed the new, smooth metal of her wedding band.

"Married," she giggled, holding his gaze steady for a beat longer before they turned towards their friends, her smile wide as she looked at the small group.

The dreamlike quality of the moment holding steady as she surveyed her family as if seeing them for the first time – _her quintessential 'rose-colored glasses' tinted with perfection as she watched them carefully_ – secretly wishing she would always see things from this point of view, this whimsical, magical sense of euphoria she felt ever since they landed on this small island – _this giddy bride's perspective where the future is bright and untarnished and the past somehow didn't matter_ – this place where all that mattered was … love … _and as corny as it sounded_… Meredith never wanted to take these glasses off, ever.

And with this energy in her heart and a smile attached to her face, she floated – _moving through the small sea of her friends_ – hugging, kissing, cradling and basking in the moment, locking her eyes with Cristina's, her friend's smile genuine and true, her cynicism gone for now, her dark hair blowing in the dense wind, her hand tucked deep inside her lover's … Owen's eyes as bright and as full of wonder – _staring back at Meredith now as if one of Ketut's predictions had once again come true_ – the baritone of his hearty chuckle escaping from his lips as he pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head as he gathered her and Ruby and Cristina in his broad embrace.

"You did good," he chuckled happily, his chest somewhat tight. "You've come along way since we first met," he sighed thoughtfully, a warm, easy smile etched along his handsome face.

"Ah, you don't know the half of it," smirked Cristina as she also pulled back. "You finally did it!" she laughed, her eyes uncharacteristically glassy; she sniffled.

"We finally did," Meredith agreed happily as Derek was folded into the mix, his lips pressed to her bare shoulder before he raised his head where she found his gaze … intense, happy … he was positively beaming.

Ruby cooed and reached for him, her arms outstretched, her smile wide as she stared at him as he took her in his arms and held her close, her baby babble twirling into the sea air all around them as Larissa, Peter, Moira and baby Dahlia joined the small group – _the new parents more than smitten with their little cherub_ – for much like Ruby, Dahlia had proved to be a light in their lives, and when they weren't staring at one another, they were certainly enchanted by her … and so was Moira. For imagine her surprise when Larissa and Peter showed up, bringing with them, her niece whom she missed so much, yet hadn't met.

"Oh, this reminds me so much of our nuptials darlings," Larissa cooed breathlessly, her heart warmed with radiant love as she thought now about what a blessing her own life had evolved to be, her eyes locked on Peter's where she held him inside this cherished moment … eye to eye, never blinking.

"Oh well lovers, you have to know we wouldn't miss this," he chimed in, a mischievous hint to his eyes. "The making of Meredith Grey into an honest woman at last," he chided playfully, holding his dear friend's gaze as he did; Meredith giggled.

Larissa sighed, quite smitten by Peter's antics. "Recall darling, she isn't the first," she smirked. "It's true Meredith dear, have do have _so_ much in common, don't we?" she played along as she turned to her friend – _her thoughts instantly drifting to the very lustful and needy beginning of their relationship_ – though she had to admit … making their union _'official'_ had only intensified that lust and need and desire and therefore, had all but sealed their fate for … ever.

Peter winked at his _'bride'_ – _she was glowing_ – it was the only way he had come to regard her these days, for it was astounding what Dahlia's birth had done to her physique and while she would always be incredibly sexy, he looked at her now, and found with ease … a gentle softness that had truly been born out of motherhood. Breaking their spell, he drew her near and enveloped her in his arms, his fingertips dancing along her shoulders – _her skin warmed from the sun_ – pulling back, he regarded her for a beat longer before their moment floated away and life resumed as it was … beautiful and stunning.

"I still can't believe you're here," Meredith giggled happily after another minute, her smile beaming, still somewhat breathless by the thought of all their good fortune and good friendships, for never had she dared to dream of a wedding day like this (or at all). "It's really something … it feels like a dream … with Dahlia here too …," she whispered, tears filling the wells of her eyes as she tried to articulate her feelings.

"It does for us too," cooed Larissa, her free arm draped along Meredith's trim shoulders, her eyes flicking to the small group of friends before she held her husband's gaze for lost moment in time. She smiled.

_Meredith beamed at her friends and family – her mind briefly falling on those loved ones who were not there – the rest of her pack, Ketut and Wayan and Derek's mother, whom they had plans to call momentarily. She smiled again allowing that lighter than air feeling to consume her and whisk her away to this place made from fairy tales and … happy endings … and babies … a place where marriage vows meant something. And there she stayed, perched upon this threshold, watching her family hug and smile and praise one another … generations …both Ruby and Dahlia in the mix, the center of attention … broad, doting smile directed at them from all the players … and therein, Meredith truly found peace of mind and alignment, for it was true, her wedding day had, so far, been nothing less than extraordinary. _

Peter winked at Larissa and slipped away from the small crowd, quickly making his way to the sidebar where he asked the hostess to prepare a glass of champagne for each of the guests and sparkling cider of course for Meredith and Larissa. He caught her honey brown eyes as she made the finishing touches on the simple wedding meal – _a delightful array of Caribbean classics; conch fritters, crab legs with spicy rice, Johhnycakes (spicy cornmeal pancakes), guava duff (common guava dessert)_ – the presentation as colorful as the event. She nodded in assent as he lifted the tray of delicate flutes and turned back to the task at hand. Smiling broadly, he once again joined the hearty group, his eyes landing on his wife and baby briefly before he cleared his throat and came to stand before Meredith and Derek.

"I know it is traditionally the best man's responsibility to raise a toast to the bride and groom," he smiled. "But … Owen agreed to oblige my selfishness here in wanting to toast the both of you today," he murmured as the small party of guests each took a glass from the tray. Turning, he cleared his throat once more as he set the tray down and cradled his own glass as he offered the last to the Justice of the Peace. Smiling, he returned his sentimental eyes back to the group. "Ah, where to start," he mused; his mind already in far off place as searched for the right words to mark this auspicious occasion. Stepping forward, his eyes swept over Meredith and Derek as he began to speak to them. "Fate …," he smiled. "She is a blessed thing is she not?" he asked, a smile playing along his handsome face. "She can splendid or quite treacherous … or ambivalent …," he mused. "But in the lives of our dear friends here, her role has been truly solidifying …," he smiled, tilting his head. "Here, her tenacity in converging your paths and bringing you forth to this day here … well, her efforts should be celebrated and revered," he elaborated and raised his glass. "So, without further delay, let us toast the united and _reunited_ lovers who stand before us – _may you live a long, endearing life together_ – and may you always remember your fates and destinies as they brought both here today," he beamed as the delicate _'clink'_ of the toast twirled into the air and satisfied smiles and many pairs of bright, tearful eyes met one another … friend to friend to friend to friend … for always and forever.

###

_The light fare of the wedding meal carried the small group well now as they slowly wandered along the short pathway leading out and onto the expansive beach – the sand, both white and hot under their feet as they slipped their shoes off … Meredith looping the excess fabric of her dress along her left forearm as the azure Atlantic ocean both refreshing and calm lapped at their toes … tiny white capped waves rolling onto the shore along this dramatic backdrop of a remarkable day thus far. _

Derek smiled and draped his arm along his wife's trim shoulders, his fingertips caressing her warm, soft skin while Ruby sat on his hip while he cradled her weight with his other arm – _wherein the more they walked, the more he realized he'd dreamt of this moment_ – that ever since they planned for this day … _this _moment was the one he had been waiting for, this surreal image that formed in his head… taking that casual, victorious stroll onto the beach with their friends – _wedding vows murmured, shoes off, the sun high in the sky above them_ – this was his dream until it became his reality. A surge of emotion claimed him then wherein he drew his family near, silently thanking the karmic Gods as he did.

Meredith squeezed him back, her fingers tugging on the belt loop of his casual trousers, her dress looped through her arm still as she peeked up and smiled at him – _where he could see her gorgeous, wet eyes beneath her over-sized sunglasses _– though her nose and lips were pressed and wrinkled into a smile that assured him she was all right and happy. Ducking down, he kissed her, soft and quick before her giggle ricocheted between them as Ruby lunged forward and smiled broadly at her parents.

Derek smiled and looked up – _his eyes falling on their friends _– this small group of special, connected people with whom he and Meredith shared bonds with, the interconnectivity of their relationships suddenly so relevant … Larissa, Peter and Owen … Cristina and Meredith … Derek … and Mark, though not with them in the physical sense, it was true – _he could not deny (and hadn't in a long time) that Mark's quick thinking was a catalyst _– for the trip that would become his lifetime. His mind instantly on Darwin, on that moment he'd heard Ruby's heartbeat, a plan orchestrated by Peter and Larissa in an effort to help Meredith … reveal the miracle of _'them'_.

Emotion consumed him and as he moved through his memories of course he marveled at Owen for a beat now – _his arm draped along Cristina's shoulders, her head thrown back as a glorious smile Derek had never seen before etched itself along her face –_ and all of a sudden, she seemed softer, more feminine than he'd ever recalled before … for she was, right in this moment, a woman in love. And right now, she was on a beach, far away from real life and the scary way in which she met her lover. And so it was here, that he realized she belonged to _'them'_ and to their life… with her dark, stormy eyes bright and glassy, her face contorting with uncharacteristic emotion now as Owen abruptly stopped and began kissing her, his large capable hands cradling her skull, her petite form enveloped by his body …yielding to his innate power over her – _yes, so drawn were they to one another that Derek couldn't help but marvel in all they had become_ – this incredible byproduct of his own fate and destiny realized.

He breathed, the salty air filling his lungs as he stared at their friends, unruly tears pricking his eyes as he once again pondered his reality … this idea that they had everything to look forward to in life. He squeezed Meredith's shoulder, his wife_, 'married, married'_, he chanted wildly as he caught her eyes – _her stunning beauty on display for all to see, cascading down around her now akin to the dawning of a new day, the sun upon the earth_ – she looked light, carefree, much like the girl he imagined she was a long, long time ago, for she somehow seemed innocent … bridal … hopeful and it was damn sexy. She blinked, batting her lashes, a smile setting along her face … she stopped walking.

"Derek," she breathed, tilting her head up, she kissed his neck. "I love you," she whispered, her voice both tender and raw; true.

"We're married," he smiled broadly, his heart banging … pumping, alive.

"Unbelievable," she giggled breathlessly, drawing Ruby near as she babbled on, her youthful exuberance bouncing between them. She locked eyes with her daughter's, green to green. "Your parents are married!" she exclaimed softly to the little cherub, completely in love with their love-baby's adorable smile.

Derek beamed and held them close, his feet sinking into the wet sand as a tiny wave came and went. "Six months already," he pondered aloud; he shook his head. "Now that's unbelievable!" he praised, pressing a kiss to his baby's chubby cheek, breathing her in as he did – _sunscreen and sweet Ruby_ – she was still tropical, even now, especially now, here … if only they were on Bali … he sighed wistfully.

"It is … time is flying," Meredith murmured, feeling a slight pang, a pinch against her heart. Her body tensed and she knew Derek felt it. He smiled and moved to caress her cheek with his free hand. She smiled and he kissed her, _pulse, pulse_ … she relaxed into his energy.

"It's okay," he whispered, his eyes moving over hers.

For Derek knew exactly where her head was, because he too wished time would just stop … that they could just pause and enjoy this time – _their baby, their wedding, their vacation_ – before life would surely resume and they would go home and start the clinical trail (of a lifetime). And so it as there that they stood there for a moment longer … _husband to wife and wife to husband, reading one another's thoughts. _

Yes, they stood with their feet sinking into the sun-bleached sand, warm beneath the surface … arms around one another, Ruby squealing between them – _the exuberant sound of her little voice twirling into the wind and out to sea on their blessed wedding day_ – yes, they stood and allowed time to stop … and it truly did.

Derek smiled. "We'll all be okay," he assured, reading his wife like a book he already knew the ending to; he pressed his forehead to hers. She blinked and set her waiting tears free where they traveled down her face.

"Happy tears," she explained, kissing his warm cheek before she turned slightly and kissed Ruby's, _baby, baby, baby, married … married._

"I know," he answered softly, drawing her near, ducking down, he pulsed his lips over hers, warm and familiar. "I love you, so much," he husked between kisses, his heart at capacity, so full of life as he pulled back, looking at his wife and baby.

"Such a lovely photograph," Peter chimed, suddenly upon the loves with his point-and-shoot. "Perfect," he smiled broadly. "Just stunning," he cooed appreciatively, _click, click, click,_ went the shutter as he snapped away, hoping to capture the energy he spotted there. "Beautiful day, beautiful family," he declared as he pulled his eyes away from the lens and beamed at his dear friends.

###

Hours later Meredith sat on a deep armchair inside the bedroom of Moira's suite as she nursed Ruby – _her mind wild with the day's events, euphoria abound, her skin still warm, her hair still wild from the island weather_ – her ears alert as she listened to the murmur of the small group in the other room, her eyes moving along the well-decorated space (now equipped with a travel crib for the night). Smiling then, her eyes landed on the large window in front of her offering a view of the late afternoon sun as it cast its dazzling spell on the vast depths of the Pacific ocean … so blue and clear and endless that it reminded her of Derek's eyes.

It had been a glorious day –_ it was everything they ever wanted it to be – _yes, her life with Derek had become one fluid dream come true, for the work they did on their relationship all those months ago on Bali, everything they did, she knew now – _put them here in the present, and for that_ – she knew she couldn't forgive any of their history, not even the pain and heartache they endured via their tumultuous beginning.

So … no, there was nothing she would change … for they, once again, were right where they were meant to be – _happy, connected, aligned … and married _– tears of happiness stung her eyes then and her sniffle echoed, infiltrating her quiet moment as she blinked those tears away, allowing her eyes to vacillate between the sparkle of her wedding band and the same sparkle she could so easily see deep inside her daughter's gateways. She smiled … she was married, they were married … she could still hardly believe it … Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd were married!

Married! She smiled broadly and something between a giggle and a gasp escaped from her lips _– Ruby flicked her eyes to Meredith's where she promptly released her suction and smiled up at her mother_ – her green eyes bright and curious.

"Mommy and daddy are married," Meredith cooed with her same smile. "All done?" she wondered, brushing her nipple along the baby's lips. "Yes, no …," she asked softly, smiling when Ruby set her tiny hand against her breast and pushed, gurgling as she did. "All done then," she murmured softly.

She sighed, noticing now that the walls of the suite had become a glowing combination of goldenrod, fuchsia … the perfect orange sherbet – _the sun now situated to make its final decent –_ she watched the short shadows for a brief moment before turning her attention back to the baby's curious eyes, watching as they became less intense, softer around the edges … a well-known sign that she was ready for a nap. Ruby yawned and then shivered. Meredith sighed, slipping her arm back through the halter of her dress before she adjusted her breast and picked her bundle up, cradling her in her arms as she stood and began to rock and sway and speak softly to her angel.

"I know how you feel, baby … we're all tired, it's been an exciting day … an exciting month … with mommy and daddy working so hard …," she sighed, pressing her lips to Ruby's warm, soft crown. She breathed. "But it's something else, my angel, this idea of mine that daddy's been helping me with … this idea we can now call the _'Shepherd Method'_ …," she whispered conspiratorially, looking down and into the baby's tired, green eyes before she smiled broadly and set her into the crib. "That's right, the_ 'Shepherd Method'_," she beamed, reaching up, she closed the blinds, just an inch or two. "Because just like daddy said … mommy's a Shepherd now too …," she cooed breathlessly, her heart pinching once again at the thought of their marriage … their forever … their future … as Ruby closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. "See you in the morning, my angel," she sighed, taking one last look at her before she slipped out of the room.

###

The newlyweds walked down the short hallway together, their smiles broad as they opened the main door to the suite, Cristina's call echoing behind them as they closed the door.

"_Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"_ she cackled like the devil.

Derek set his hand on the small of Meredith's back as they walked out and under the early evening sky –_ expansive and gorgeous _– the night was young and beautiful just as the day had been thus far. He bumped his lover's hip and felt a wicked grin plaster itself to his face.

"She doesn't know about the _'bendy thing',_ does she?" he teased, batting his long lashes playfully.

Meredith snickered. "Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her," she retorted playfully, her face bright and suggestive.

_Meredith giggled; she leaned into Derek's touch as they continued to stroll, making their way from one end of the string of villas to the other. The smell of the sea air both rich and salty, it filled their lungs, cleansing them from the inside out. The early moon had risen, but the stars had yet to twinkle … the sky was so black it was velvety, endless … superfluous … a symbolic blank slate of sorts._

_And then she smiled, because this was their new beginning, their blank slate – sure, karma had done her job, served her purpose – but now, for the first time in a while, Meredith felt that taking this step and marrying one another wasn't the result of some other karmic twist on their fate … because it __was__ their decision and only they were responsible for making vows to one another … on their terms … and in their own due time._

_Derek led her through the small archway that connected a small interior garden to their villa. He closed the latch behind him and that was all it took – she felt herself falter and therein indulged in a pause from life – his hand on the doorknob where he inserted the key, his new wedding band sparkling against the filtered light … his __wedding__ band ... her mind went wild, and there she stopped him. _

_He turned to her then and she felt her face contort, twisting, her mind reeling, overcome with the reality of the their status. Tears splashed along her hot cheeks and Derek was upon her, his eyes scanning hers, back and forth as mini tidal waves crashed, tiny sprinkles, delicate tears that said so much without saying anything at all._

Derek smiled and tilted his head, cradling Meredith's skull in his hands, her face hot, glistening with fresh tears. "We did this … created this …," he murmured, reading her mind.

She watched his eyes soften just for her. "We own it … _us_ … what happens now is…," she sighed, bringing her hands to his face where she held him there.

"Up to us …," he smiled, moving his fingers through her wild tresses.

"Finally," she smiled, finding his blue eyes, so brilliant, even in the darkened corridor. "Thank you," she whispered into their space. "For today," she breathed, tilting her head up.

"Thank you … for marrying me," he sighed, finding her through his blurred vision, swaying with her, back and forth. "All my life … I never … dreamed of this … you … us … like this …," he husked, ducking his head down as he lost his train of thought.

He brushed her tears away with his thumbs, watching her closely as she stared at him with quiet awe, so stricken by her beauty that he could do nothing more than kiss her – _his heart alighted with the first touch of their lips_ – her arms wrapped around her neck, where they swayed and kissed and kissed and swayed for a long moment, souls aligned, they connected. Moving backward then, Derek reached for the doorknob and turned it, swiftly moving them inside, their mouths never parting as they began to make slow love to one another.

"God, you feel good," he panted, his open mouth against hers as they stood in the foyer and clung to each other, unwilling to part, even for the briefest of moments.

"Do you want to shower?" she asked, her fingers already working the buttons on his shirt; she breathed him in: he smelled of the salt of the earth and suntan lotion … hmm,_ 'vacation Derek'_.

"Hmm … no … just want you …," he answered, assaulting her lips with his, their tongues dancing, massaging, their touch urgent, yet languid. She moaned into his mouth, setting her hands upon his hips. "I wanted this … all day … you, me … alone on this island …," he breathed, stepping forward, he trailed his fingertips under the flimsy ecru fabric at her shoulders, his core stirring as he looked into her wild eyes.

"Me too …just like Bali … remember Derek …," Meredith breathed, her heart beating so hard, she fought to catch her breath, a smile crackling along her face. "It's our wedding night …," she breathed, a sense of awe consuming her then. "Take me …," she sighed breathlessly, bringing his hand up to her heart where she pressed his palm against her beating muscle. "Do you feel that?" she prompted as she began to walk him backward toward the master suite, navigating her way along the dimmed hallway, the decorative sconces adding just enough light.

"I do …," he answered with surety, his wife's hummingbird heart banging against his palm.

"That's what you do to me … even now, after all this time …," she husked, still leading the way as they crossed the suite toward the over-sized bed, setting her lips upon his where she kissed him – _her head hovering in the clouds_ – the storms of their lives long gone now as she moved him; the backs of his knees hit the bed. "I've never been so … wet … Jesus, Derek," she panted, desire pooling along her folds, her core ignited, hot.

"Hmm, you want me …," he teased, turning her around so the backs of her knees were against the bed now.

"You know I do," she breathed, smiling coyly. "And I have something to show you … a surprise …," she said hotly, pulling his hips towards her, she unbuckled his belt.

"Something I haven't seen before …," he smirked, snaking his hand behind her; he palmed her tush, round and perfect; his lips found hers again.

"Hmm, mmm …," Meredith moaned, their pelvises bumping; she pulled away, finding his azure eyes deep inside their passionate haze – _he was so beautiful _– drugged by her arousal,putty in her hands. She smiled sweetly. "Right here…," she muttered, setting his hand upon her mound; her body quivering under the heat of his palm.

"Here?" he asked, his fingers massaging her damp heat through the silky fabric of her gown. "Show me …," he implored, his cock stirring as he took a step back and slipped her gown from her shoulders, his fingertips brushing along her newly exposed skin; his heart pounding into his ears … _'mine, mine, mine'_, was all he could think. "Hmm, need to see you …," he muttered, staring into her sultry eyes, euphoric haze floating between them.

His lips found hers while he twisted the front clasp of her halter bra – _her gasps of appreciation intensifying as he gently ran the pads of his thumbs upon her puckered nipples_ –massaging her there, gently rolling her nerves between his fingers, her hungry lips planted on his, their kisses becoming more urgent perhaps than ever before.

"Derek …," she gasped for air, her body free floating inside their bliss, she felt weightless, her body pitching forward as she held onto him while he slipped the sheath of her dress beyond her hips, the ecru fabric floating to the floor, pooling at her feet akin to her nerves …_ 'please don't stop,' _she chanted silently.

_Her heart almost giving out as she felt his lips move down and across her abdomen – she closed her eyes, her head lolling back as his confident hands roamed her body, his lips wet, his kisses tiny and repetitive, he left her branded, wet impressions of his intimate touch … a pathway leading down, down, down as he knelt before her. His nose pressed into her navel now – she felt him pause – breathing deeply, she knew he was savoring her sex as her sweet juice for him pooled at her gates, he breathed, in, out, hot, cool, hot, hot. Her belly quivered and she heard his name escape from her lips, her growl, low, desperate … and then she felt it, the pad of his finger as he pressed on her silk-covered nerves … pulse, pulse … and therein the spark of her orgasm was ignited. _

Opening her eyes, Meredith righted herself then, her body reacting, her desire for more evident as she found herself transfixed by her lover, watching from her perch as he slipped her panties over her hips, gasping with pleasure as the cooler air found her slick folds wherein Derek looked up and idolized her for a beat.

"Hmm … Jesus, that's hot …," he muttered, his mouth almost watering as he scrutinized his woman's well-trimmed mound – _the hair completely gone, save for a small triangle_ – one tip of which was pointed downwards toward her hooded clit. "When did you …," he sighed, losing his train of thought as he brushed his fingertips over the small covering of hair. "Hmm …you're …," he stumbled over his words, his articulation gone as he stared at her as if seeing her for the first time. "It's … sexy … hell, _'sexy'_ is an understatement," he said thickly before he brought her towards him, his large hands on her tush, his lips to her mound_, in, out,_ he inhaled her essence … _sweet, organic … 'Meredith'._

"It's called _'The Bermuda Triangle'_ …," Meredith giggled breathlessly, her mind lost as Derek held her in place, his lips pressed into her flesh, her desire for him slipping beyond her control … she was soaked … ready … hot … open.

"Hmm … damn …," he breathed her in, her arousal into his lungs. He kissed her mound, his mouth watering now as he began to kiss her body again, dragging his wet lips from erogenous zone to zone to zone. "You _do _want me," he husked playfully as he stood, his eyes flicking to hers briefly before his fingertips found her slick heat. "How do you want me … fast, slow, up, down …hmm …," he prompted, massaging her outer folds … the flesh soft and silky … void of hair.

_Meredith tilted her head up where she seized Derek's lips, the core of her being so hot for him now that tiny orgasms began to ping her sensitive opening – her nerves and flesh so wet with desire that her muscles began to systematically clench, already seeking a release – her need for him growing exponentially by the second. Her nimble fingers working on his pants again. He pulled his shirt over his head, his chest heaved as she stepped closer to him, her nipples cutting against his chest as she slipped her hand inside of his boxers and stroked her prize. _

"Hmm, you feel so good …," she muttered, her lips on his again, she pulsed,_ once, twice, _before she sat down on the bed and looked up at her man. "And … you know I do … want you …," she smiled, pushing his pants down, just over his hips, his cock still in her hand … long and pulsing with need. "I want you … slow … all night … and I want it to last forever," she husked as Derek leaned forward and perched himself over her, forcing her to lie back along the edge of the bed.

"All night … forever … slow …," he husked, his mind on the long night ahead.

Ducking down, he kissed her then, long and hard, their tongues wild – _his cock erect, lengthening inside her grasp_ – he made love to her mouth, their mouths moving like magnets, their libidos charged … ready. Deepening their oral union, he moved his left hand along her body, cupping her gorgeous, naked mound for a beat, her heat radiating against his palm before she shifted, opening her thighs for him … inviting him in as he proceeded to glide the tip of his middle finger along the soft, pink skin of her glistening folds – _just the tip, her muscles milking his appendage, her plentiful sex wafting into the air, funneling into his throat_ – his mouth attached to hers for a second longer before he pulled away.

His heart thumped wildly then as he stared at her and she at him – _his fingers still nestled along her bare, plump folds _– her fist around his cock as he used his free hand to push his pants down, his throaty gasp filling the air as Meredith leaned up and took just the head of his pulsing muscle into her mouth wherein he promptly pitched forward, his free hand pressed on the bed over her head as he watched her skillfully work him over – _her gorgeous body spread out before him_ _akin to a religious offering_ – his arousal pulsing now like a line of gunfire, his mind wild.

Bending his right leg, he set his knee down on the bed, his cock directly above Meredith's head now as she lay back wherein he became quite mesmerized by her tenacity as she held onto him with one hand – _craning her neck up and back to take him_ – her mouth stretching around his girth, her warm cavern slipping up and over the sensitive ridge of his head as she worked, siphoning his sex as she did – _damn, she was so hot, her womanhood drenched in her sweet sex, his fingertips warm and hot too as his breathing labored, stacked_ – his engorged muscle twitching in her mouth now … a low growl escaping from his lips as he tried to impede his orgasm.

"Meredith …," he sung her name, his hips jerking wildly as she met her goal, steadfast in her efforts to throw him over the edge. A course of energy ripped up his spine; his heart raced. "Jesus … not yet," he pleaded into their space.

His eyes closed as he attempted to keep it together, swirling his finger over her needy clit, the flesh of her taut nerves rolling under his gentle strokes until her hips flew up and she moaned into his hole, slowing her pace, she swirled her tongue around his sensitive head now as she looked up and found his eyes … _kiss, kiss, suck, swirl, swirl_, she continued her ministrations for a moment longer before she released her oral hold and pulled him down to the bed with her where they wrapped themselves around one another, interlocking akin to a puzzle.

Meredith's breathing was stacked, her chest heaving as she lay under Derek where she found his eyes; her cheeks flushed as she wrapped her legs around the small of his back, his hard muscle pinned between them. "I'll never grow tired of this," she breathed, panting into their heat as she held on tight, his warm body covering hers.

"Neither will I," Derek answered, his lips moving from her earlobe, down along her regal neck, his hands moving to bring her wrists above her head before he ducked his head down and pressed a series of hot, open-mouthed kisses to her breasts and nipples, her sweet sex coating his shaft as he shifted his weight, positioning the tip of his cock at her supple opening … _warm, wet, ready. _

"Oh … hmm … take me …," she hummed as Derek pulsed the head of his cock into her depths. Her eyes pinned to his, her folds stretching to accommodate his sensitive ridge, _slip, slip_, he gently pulsed, she attached her lips to his neck and sucked.

"Oh my …," Derek husked, the fury of his orgasm on the rise already as he felt her tiny muscles vibrate, humming against his heightened nerves. "You're incredible," he breathed, teasing her pussy, _slip, slip._

"So … are you … Derek, please …," Meredith sighed inside her bliss, opening her thighs where she relaxing her muscles, allowing her lover to slowly sink into her depths as she claimed him. "Oh … yes," she sang as their pelvises met and his rod filled her up.

"Yes …," he agreed as he began to move with her, struck by her beauty – _for with her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright_ – he was convinced he'd never seen her look so happy and sated.

Moving down, he kissed her then, his heart percolating with love and adoration as he waited for her to set their tempo, chartering the course of their love-making ... her slower breathing and relaxed muscles telling him now that they were set to make the most of this uninterrupted time together on their wedding night.

###

_Morning was upon her – stirring, Meredith opened her eyes a smile etched along her face as she glanced at the clock – her tired muscles swathed in her lover's steadfast heat, she relaxed into his embrace, burrowing deeper into their connectivity, silently chasing her dreams as she did … dreams made from the intimacy of their wedding night, her core smoldering, still … even now. Blinking, she let her eyes roam around the bedroom, the bright island décor a welcome change from their cabin at home as were the ever-present morning rays of sun._

_She sighed and twirled her wedding band around her finger, lifting her hand up to look at the white gold band in the morning light … she was married. Emotion found her, she felt a squeeze on her heart, grounding herself, she turned in her lover's arms, their puzzle still intact as he reflexively tightened his hold upon her, burying his nose and mouth into the crook of her neck – his hands massaging her body while she ran her fingertips along the length of his spine – he was still heavy with sleep, though his warm cock twitched, the soft skin of his shaft brushing against her abdomen wherein her body reacted … her tired clit pulsed. _

Derek sighed into Meredith's heat, his whole body fatigued from their night of passionate games, he smiled and slowly opened his eyes, instantly pressing his mouth against his lover's neck – _she smelled of their intimacy, the essence of 'them'_ – he breathed, tasting her skin as he made his way up to her ear. "I love you," he whispered, his voice soft, hoarse.

Meredith found his eyes, blue and bright despite his obvious fatigue. "I love you too," she answered, staring at her man … her husband.

They rolled then, kissing sinuously as Meredith shifted beneath him, her thighs open to accommodate him _– eye to eye, they stared at one another for a long moment_ – their tanned, tired limbs wrapped around one another, where no distance, not even a millimeter seemed acceptable. Derek moved his hand between them and rolled to her side, his eyes fixed on hers still as he admired her, leaning up on his elbow as he looked down and smiled, his hand cradling her face.

"You look beautiful this morning," he breathed, his hand moving down, his fingertips dancing along the soft skin of her neck … clavicle … breasts.

"So do you," she sighed heavily, her body waking up … her mind clear … her spirit soaring – _'married, they were married'_ – she chanted silently as she stared at her lover, his energy so warm so happy and fulfilled it almost made her want to cry.

Ducking down – _he pressed a tiny open-mouthed kiss to each bundle of nerves _– pert, rosy, delicious … he sucked slightly, swirling his tongue there as Meredith arched her back urging him for more. "Are you sore?" he asked of her then, his mouth moving along her abdomen, the softer flesh of her belly, he smiled as he kissed her tiny stretch marks, _'Ruby's blemishes'_, she liked to call them. "Are you?" he persisted, his voice catching as he kissed her appendectomy scar while he moved his hand down, settling his fingers along the grooves of her folds, still plump from his ministrations the night before.

"Yes …," she admitted finally, her heart racing from his kisses as she raised her knee so he could massage her there. "Oh …," she sighed breathlessly, her sensitive flesh already reacting to his gentle strokes.

"Too sore?" he prompted as he slid one finger into her depths, brushing his thumb along her naked skin there … her _'Bermuda Triangle'_, so sexy, such a turn on; a course of energy ripped up his spine. He pinned his eyes on hers … green, dark, her depths faceted; he held her gaze, waiting for her essence to lubricate her. "Are you … too sore for more of me?" he breathed before he bent down and kissed her sweet mouth, gently pulsing his lips over hers, once, then again before he pulled back and continued his easy strokes on her pussy, encouraging her arousal … soft and warm and wet.

She shook her head _'no'_ in response, though he watched her face for signs of discomfort, but was not at all surprised when she set her hand on top of his, guiding his finger further into her damp warmth. He pulsed into her depths there again, _once, twice_ before removed his finger – _brushing her slippery essence along her naked outer folds_ – lubricating her delicious little clit as he did … up, down, up … before he glided his finger into her depths again.

Meredith found his eyes and snaked her hand down where she gently massaged his muscle … long and hard, erect … for her. Sighing heavily, her muscles contracted around his finger – _she was soaked_ – she felt her face heat. Derek reached up and ran his fingertips along the hot plane of her cheeks, back and forth, inching closer wherein she settled into the heat of his body and opened her hips, wordlessly encouraging him to continue.

"Feels so … good …," she husked, her breathing stacked as she reached up and cupped the back of his head, her fingers threaded through his locks; she pulled him closer, scrutinizing his raw beauty while she blinked her threatening tears away. "Make love with me, Derek … please …," she requested simply as her body spiraled toward blissful oblivion.

_Derek ducked down and did as she asked then, hovering over her for a beat before he kissed his bride on what would surely be the promise of a beautiful life together as husband and wife … as a family, his thoughts turning to Ruby then, a brief flicker of their love-baby lingering there as he kissed her mother long and hard, their passion for one another ignited yet again as they embarked on that journey they loved to take together, those moments in time where they would transcend together to another place entirely._

###

Derek opened his eyes, the morning sun had moved higher into the sky, leaving their bedroom with a billowy bright light he hadn't expected. He sighed and turned to watch Meredith. He listened to her breathing then – _slow, even, predictable – in, out, in, out_, she slept, slow, deep breaths she took, grounding him without even trying. He turned to the clock – _10 AM_ – and he wondered what Ruby was up to … and even though they hadn't made plans to collect her or rejoin their friends until noon, he suddenly missed the baby. Smiling, he lifted his PDA from the night table and texted Moira, asking if she wouldn't mind bringing her over. She answered immediately, leaving him less than ten minutes.

Carefully, he slipped from the warmth of the bed and tossed on a pair of pajama bottoms before pulling a tee shirt over his head. He took one last look at Meredith, then padded out of the room, leaving the door ajar. Once in the main room, he opened the ecru organza drapes and set his sights on the view of the ocean and the beach – _perfectly blue and white _– the natural elements both contrasting and complimentary as they balanced one another, earth to sea and vice-versa. His eyes swept the landscape one last time before he turned to log onto the hotel laptop to order room service.

Placing a quick order for Johhnycakes, egg white omelets and fruit, coffee and tea, a satisfied smile set along his handsome face as he thought about the next couple of days they would spend here _– their group of friends set to depart tomorrow_ – leaving them alone for an additional two days of family time. His smile brightened even more when he heard a soft knock at the main door.

"Hi!" he exclaimed as Ruby squealed when she saw him, her arms outstretched as she reached for him while he folded her into his embrace. "I missed you," he breathed, staring into her bright green eyes for a beat. Ruby squealed again, wiggling as he pressed his lips pressed into her wild dark locks and he breathed her in. He smiled at Moira. "Hey," he chuckled happily.

"Hey," Moira beamed, pushing her hair from her eyes, her own heart dancing as she took in Derek's infectious energy. "Congratulations again," she giggled as she passed Ruby's diaper bag to him.

"Thanks," he smiled broadly, tickling Ruby under her chin. "How was she?" he asked softly, running his thumb along the chubby plane of her pink cheek, turning to focus on Moira, noticing once again how good this visit with Larissa and Peter and Dahlia had been for the young girl, for it was no secret she had been homesick.

"She was perfect … she's always perfect," she doted happily, Ruby squealed again, but then stopped, turning to look between Moira and Derek. Moira laughed. "I think she's looking for mommy," she commented proudly, locking her eyes with Ruby's. "Are you looking for mommy, baby?" she asked, watching now as the baby's brow became furrowed until she tilted her head just like her daddy did some of the time, then looked up to him for an answer.

"Mommy's still sleeping," he whispered conspiratorially with a broad smile. He turned his attention back to Moira. "Thanks again, for taking her last night," he said genuinely.

"It was a pleasure, we took some more photos of the babies together, my God, Larissa wants to print them all!" she giggled, her mind wild with happiness over this visit with her niece.

"I bet … I'm sure we'll have a hard time choosing too," he agreed, slipping the diaper bag over his shoulder.

"So … we'll catch up with you all later," Moira beamed. "Bye Ruby," she smiled, holding the baby's gaze as she kissed the swell of her cheek, pulling back to see her eyes … bright and clear. Ruby babbled and smiled too.

"All right, give us an hour or so," Derek chuckled.

"Will do, see you then," Moira said as she departed, slipping through the archway, a spring in her step as she went.

_Derek closed the door behind him, cradling the baby as he set her bag down in the foyer, moving slowly through the villa en-route to the bedroom. She felt so good in his arms, she always did and it was something – the weight and familiarity of holding her – it truly was something he looked forward to after a long shift. She babbled softly, his nose pressed into her hair as they entered the bedroom where Meredith lay exactly how he left her. _

Ruby babbled excitedly and Derek chuckled when her squeal filled the silence in the room and Meredith's eyes popped open. She smiled widely and sat straight up … hair wild, cheeks flushed, her favorite tank top twisted at the neck, she was gorgeous and disheveled. "You couldn't wait," she declared, beaming at her family, sighing breathlessly as she basked in their collective energy.

"I woke up and she was on my mind," Derek cooed, sitting on the edge of the bed, Ruby's arms outstretched for her mother. "See, there's mommy," he whispered as Meredith enveloped the baby in her arms. "She was looking for you a minute ago," he murmured proudly.

"Mommy's here, you found me … you're such a smart baby," Meredith cooed, brushing her nose against Ruby's. "I missed you," she whispered softly; Ruby babbled, _'talking'_ to her mother animatedly about something or another.

_Derek sighed and got back into bed, his eyes pinned on Meredith's where her smile told him everything he needed to know – that she was happy and sated and content – her bright eyes shimmering in the late morning sun … glimmering, shimmering like she had some kind of meaningful secret._

_Rolling into one another, they lay Ruby down between them, her crooked smile broad as they doted on her every movement – she babbled and grabbed her feet, her chubby thighs tanned from the island sun, her green eyes so magnificent they were a miracle unto themselves – so worldly, they were all-seeing, Derek sighed, raising his eyes up to meet his wife's where he found her smitten, her own eyes glassy, faceted … soft around the edges. _

He leaned up on his elbow and looked down at the baby. "I think she grew," he murmured, watching now as she turned her face towards Meredith and moved to set one of her tiny hands on the swell of her breast.

"I think so too," Meredith smiled, running her finger along the crease of the baby's neck as she pressed on her breast again. "Such a smart baby," she cooed as she leaned back on her pillows, raised the hem of her tank top and pulled it off. "Come here, little one," she breathed, moving to cradle her, the baby's mouth open and ready as she latched on and began to nurse.

Meredith sighed and lay her head back for a beat, turning to find Derek, his hair still wild from sleep, though his eyes were bright and carefree – _he looked gorgeous, she decided then_ – radiant even, so much like he did whilst they were on Bali. She reached for his hand and kissed his fingers and stared at him – _silently thanking the karmic Gods for this moment with him and Ruby as the world fell away_ – they were married, she sucked in a deep breath, married! Her eyes became wet and those happy tears were collected, she blinked them away and giggled. Derek just chuckled at her antics, surely reading her mind as he sat up and kissed her, soft and quick.

"I love you … Meredith Shepherd, on-paper-only," he teased, swallowing her giggle with another round of kisses.

"I love you too," she giggled, pulling back to meet his bright blue eyes. A small delicate jingle ran through the villa then, breaking their spell.

Derek's eyes brightened. "Hold that thought," he murmured, kissing her once again. "Room service," he announced as he rolled out of bed, his eyes wild with happiness as he swiftly made to exit the room, his eyes falling on his family once more before he did … everything was perfect.

Meredith watched him go before she turned her attention back to Ruby, her daughter's eyes pinned on hers while she nursed. "Lets turn you around," she breathed, gently easing the baby's mouth from her nipple, seamlessly reversing her cradle hold where Ruby latched on again, already becoming heavier in her arms.

Closing her eyes then, she listened to the sounds of life all around her – _Derek's murmur in the other room, china plates clinking, the Pacific Ocean crashing against the shore_ – and therein, she let herself live in the moment, for there was no place she would rather be.

###

_I watch my mother now, my mouth on her breast as I grow tired, though I cannot stop myself from looking at her and seeing her and feeling her energy. She is the happiest I have ever seen her and though I have seen her happy and know that she knows true happiness … there is something now, for it seems we have reached a new plane of existence, a new echelon of their love. _

_So as she closes her eyes, I remain spellbound. It is the only way to describe how I feel when I look at parents sometimes. There is just something about 'them', the way they are with one another in those private times where I am the only witness. Their energy whisks me away and gives me comfort like no other people on this earth, which I suppose is the point. They are mine and I am theirs. _

_And with this swirling range of thoughts, I close my eyes too, my rhythm at her breast becoming slower now as I grow more and more tired. I listen, I hear my father's familiar voice in the other room and I am lulled by the sounds all around me … I suckle and I listen. _

"_Is she asleep?" comes his whisper. _

"_Hmm, almost," she answers in the same soft voice, her fingers twirling my hair now._

"_She's growing up," he says after a minute, his lips pressed to my cheek, I feel his radiant heat. _

"_She is …," she breathes._

_And that's where I fall asleep, slowly, surely, with the island sun high in the sky and my parents doting upon me with their brand of energy - this ever-present canopy of love and adoration that feels like home - for they are the creators, of me, of this life we live together … yes, it all comes down to 'them' _

"_I am your open arms; you are my running leap."_

**Chapter 7 to follow.**


	7. Chapter 7, Trials

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: Just a quick note here to thank '****Juni', 'Secret-Waters' and 'Mariacheras' for your anonymous reviews. I like to reply to comments, but I can't with anonymous classifications, so THANK YOU for taking both the time to read and to leave a note for me, it means so much!**

**I sincerely hope you continue to enjoy this story, my how different S4 could have been had Meredith and Derek been given a chance to grow as a couple. Enjoy and please tell me what you think!**

**Chapter 7 – Trials**

"_I am your way home; you are my new path."_

_Moira smiles at me, her eyes vividly bouncing as she gently squeezes a warm washcloth along my shoulders massaging me there as she does. She giggles, her eyes crinkling with happiness now while I watch her use the back of her hand to push a few strands of stray hair away from her round face. I feel excited, elated by her infectious smile, and with that energy, I kick my feet as hard as I can. The current of the bathwater moves all around me; the swells of water massage my toes and legs and belly … and it is divine. _

_Suddenly distracted, I feel my smile drop from my face as I tilt my head and watch a thin layer of bubbles pop along the surface of the water, many disappearing from my sight as they float under the rounded edge of the front of my bath seat and I wonder still, 'where did they go?'_

_A shiver travels up my spine – Moira drapes the washcloth along my trim shoulders – I feel warm, happy she is there with me, though I miss my parents, so much. Another wave of shivers course through me, pulsing higher and higher until my shoulders shudder. Moira assures me she is 'almost done', smiling widely as she kisses my wet flushed cheek before she moves the washcloth from my shoulders only to warm it up again in the water, moving on with the small towel to clean my feet. _

_Thick, humid air fills my lungs as I shuffle my feet again, skillfully avoiding Moira's careful attention to my toes, my giggle fills the room, reverberating off of the travertine tiles – gray, sleek, soothing – I turn my attention back to the bubbles with one eye fixed on Moira as she continues to coo and encourage me to kick my feet and play. _

_My mind drifts to my parents and I realize I long for them, for there have been many nights lately where I have fallen asleep without seeing them. I am lost and there again that unfamiliar feeling consumes me and try as I might to define it or to push it away – I simply cannot – I miss them and though I am happy and content, sometimes I want only them. In an attempt to right myself now, I find Moira's bright eyes again and I stare at her and swiftly feel conflicted because I do love her so – not in the way I adore my parents – but I do have feelings of deep love and trust for my Moira ... for she is my person. _

_I continue to watch her more serious face as she presses her lips together and regards me for a moment until suddenly she reminds me so much of my mother and the pensive way in which she regards the curious new fixture in our kitchen: a large green bottle with a gold foil cap that sparkles under the soft lights. And while it is a beautiful bottle – I know this artifact surely signifies something monumental – for never have I seen my mother look as preoccupied as she seems while she runs her fingers along the smooth glass when she thinks no one is watching her._

_Moira says my name softly then – 'Ruby' – she sings, her voice breaking my private spell now as I turn my attention back to her. She smiles brightly and immediately my spirits are lifted and my face reflexively mimics hers – she dotes on me and I allow her to massage my swollen gums – my mouth so tender, though her gentle strokes soothe me, if only for a moment. She murmurs to me again and I listen to her speak of my parents and how proud she is of me … and of them. She moves her finger one more time along my gums, reporting to me that she can feel my 'tooth' and from the excitement in her voice, I know this is a good thing. _

_Feeling the day catch up with me, I train my eyes on her again, but off in the distance, I suddenly hear the weather-stripping on the front door as it is pushed open and instantly I change my focus to the small window above the bathtub – the sky is indeed dark, indigo – and dusk is approaching and only then, as I hear footsteps, do I realize, my parents are home!_

_Moira murmurs to me and the bathwater is suddenly still, I hear my squeal as it funnels out of my mouth, a will all its own now – my eyes trained on the small sliver of the open doorway now as I see it move, slowly – where I am immediately rewarded with my parents bright, wide smiles, our energy culminating once again, my heart alighted, my eyes transfixed … for we are reunited once again! _

###

"Hi baby," Meredith cooed softly, holding Ruby's intense gaze in the soft, dim light … her gateways, _green, bright, happy._

"Ruby, hi baby!" Derek chimed in as they knelt down beside Moira, happiness and peace washing over him in waves as exhaustion set in _– they were finally home_ – Jeremy and Beth floated into his mind. He smiled tightly.

"Congratulations," Moira smiled widely, staring at the couple in quiet awe … _'they were truly amazing'_, she found herself thinking yet again.

"Thank you," Meredith beamed, her eyes landing on Derek's for a beat before she turned back to her trusted friend who also smiled brightly, though the fatigue set in her eyes betrayed her entirely. "How is she?" she asked of Ruby then, dipping her hand into the water to massage the baby's tiny toes.

"I can feel her bottom left tooth," Moira reported brightly. "I think it'll cut through any day now," she mused thoughtfully as she rubbed her back with the washcloth.

"Poor baby … thank God we don't remember teething," Derek replied, his tired eyes resting on Ruby as she kicked her feet, squealing with delight as she did. "I assume this is the Tylenol talking here?" he wondered with a wry grin.

"You bet," Moira chortled. "She'll likely need another dose before bedtime if you want to sleep tonight," she giggled, smiling at Ruby. "Isn't that right, baby?" she asked of the little tyke. Ruby tilted her head and babbled in reply.

"You tell her, Ruby," Derek smirked proudly. "I think she's ready to come out … she looks about as tired as we all seem to be," he murmured as he stood and pulled a fresh towel from the rack.

"Come here, baby," Meredith murmured as she scooped the protesting baby from the warm water. She smiled and tucked her inside the towel. "See, that wasn't so bad," she giggled, staring into the baby's gateways _– more in love with her now than she was that morning_ – if that was at all possible. She smiled to herself.

"Moira, we have about ten minutes until the ferry leaves, I'll drive you to the dock," he volunteered, though it had become customary for her to leave one of their vehicles parked there overnight.

"I'm okay," she promised with a nod. "You're exhausted," she smiled, looking up.

"We're all tired," he mused. "But … I'm still driving you, so … you have _nine_ minutes," he laughed, raising his eyebrow before he slipped out of the room to call the hospital.

Once alone, the women looked at one another and laughed. "You know, I really am fine," Moira reasoned as they stood and moved to the small changing table there.

"I know … but, we're responsible," Meredith surmised, turning her attention to Moira, for the last several weeks had been difficult for everyone and she found that she felt compelled to check on the young girl about as much as she checked on Ruby.

"You are," she stated softly, doting on Ruby; she brushed a lock of her dark hair away from her face, tickling her chubby chin, eliciting a squeal for more from the baby.

_Ruby kicked her feet rapidly, her eyes bouncing with happiness as the towel fell away and she shivered against the cooler air. Moira regarded the happy baby for a beat and like most nights when she found herself on the precipice of departing, her thoughts turned to her niece wherein she wondered who the little one took after and what her latest trick was, for her daily conversations with her sister, hardly quelled her curiosity. _

_Meredith reached behind her and took a pair of footed pajamas from the nearby stack, smiling as she diapered the baby, her eye sockets so tired, she could barely focus – though her heart leapt when she thought again about Jeremy, post-op, day five and Beth, post-op, day one – Jeremy and Beth, who hopefully would live on and maybe one day have a moment just like this. Tears of happiness, the bittersweet variety, stung her eyes and she rapidly blinked them away, blink, blink, blink. _

Moira draped her arm along Meredith's shoulders. She felt her friend's rigid stance relax. "Your patients are lucky to have you … the both of you," she assured softly after a minute, her fingers toying with Ruby's covered toes. She smiled at the baby.

"Finally … they are," Meredith sighed breathlessly, slowly recovering from her wayward emotions. She sniffled, exhaling into a nervous chortle as she picked Ruby up and began to rock her, swaying inside the privacy of the small, warm bathroom … _she was home, they were safe_.

"You saved their lives," Moira reasoned with a smile. "Two people are alive …," she breathed, holding herself steady, knowing she wasn't saying anything that hadn't already been said to Meredith, or to Derek for that matter.

"Two out of –"

"No, two Meredith … two that could become two hundred … or more," she interrupted, turning to stand in front of the surgeon.

"Well … of course that's the idea," she mused thoughtfully. "It's … this is a frustrating process, the constant worrying, balancing work and Ruby … and you …," her voice trailed off. She smiled tightly, pressing her lips to the baby's crown where she breathed_, in, out,_ Ruby's distinct essence, a panacea for anything that ailed her.

"But you did it … and it was worth it," Moira reminded her tenderly.

"Worth it but … sometimes, I just … it's been just as disappointing as it has been satisfying … all those we couldn't save … I don't know if I'll ever be the same …," she confessed, harboring a slight disbelief in the results thus far with Jeremy. She shook her head; Ruby grew heavier in her arms.

"Maybe you're not supposed to be," Moira thought aloud, fully aware of the moral and ethical struggles of the fields of medicine. Meredith exhaled a resigned sigh.

_Derek appeared in the doorway then, his smile fading ever so slightly when he held Meredith's watery eyes with his … she looked tired, uneasy and utterly besieged by the events of the trial. And although he was worried about her, he also knew she would persevere, because that was how she was made. She was strong, a survivor in and unto herself and that, he always knew would sustain her. He tilted his head then and watched with bated breath as she cradled their love-baby and there inside that second he realized he could have stared at her that way forever … a doting mother, her heart and conscience on her sleeve … where she would remain Meredith Grey, the love of his lifetime and beyond. He pressed his lips together and waited until she smiled weakly. _

"They're holding steady," he reassured evenly with a sigh. "And we have to go," he announced to Moira, pulling himself from his reverie. "Say _'goodnight'_, baby," he cooed softly, pressing his lips to the swell of her sweet cheek, her skin warm under his lips. "I bet she'll be out by the time I'm back," he whispered, suggestively raising his brow at Meredith with a wicked smile.

_Meredith snorted. Moira rolled her eyes. Derek chuckled and slipped out of the room. _

"Goodnight gals," Moira smiled before she hugged them both, Ruby's eyes heavy now too as she pulled back. "You know, I put your champagne in the refrigerator this morning," she conspired, pinning her eyes to the weary surgeon's.

"You did," Meredith replied evenly, her mind wild already with the implications of that action.

"I did," Moira said softly as the threesome turned out of the bathroom and headed down the short hallway. "See you tomorrow," she murmured as she slipped her coat on and pulled the door open before stepping out and into the chilly night air. She inhaled sharply and smiled with a wave.

"Thanks again, for everything," Meredith sighed, her warm breath twirling into the cold; she shivered and watched as Moira opened the car door wherein Derek ducked his head down and pursed his lips into a mock kiss. She giggled. "Are you seeing George tonight?" she called out to the young girl who turned to her.

Moira nodded with a larger smile. "Movies," she snickered, her cheeks heating as she slipped into the heat of the car.

_Derek waved and Meredith watched them speed off, waiting for the tail lights to disappear around the bend before she stepped back and into the warmth of their home – Ruby safe and sound and asleep in her arms – her own sigh of relief dancing with the beat of the crackle from the hearth, her eyes moving around their love nest, everything moving in slow motion now as the day and the weeks before it came to a screeching halt. _

_And therein, everything was suddenly so quiet, the cabin was clean and serene and full of peace … so full of everything she loved that she felt like she crossed over and into some kind of alternate universe where everything was lovely and the world was devoid of such tragedies like inoperable brain tumors or unsuccessful, outrageous clinical trials. _

_Sighing heavily, she crossed over the peaceful threshold, her eyes reflexively moving to the countertop in the kitchen, this small dark corner upon which she had left the champagne bottle Derek had given to her at the start of the trial – this symbol that somehow became an idol upon an altar – this intimate promise that at some point their dreams for this trial would come to fruition. _

_Tears pricked her eyes as she stared at that vacant altar – barren, though not lacking in promise – for Moira had thoughtfully moved the idol in preparation for their dream of this reality … for their trials were almost over … though when faced with that knowledge, all Meredith could think about was tempting fate and what it might mean to open that idol and take a sip of that celebratory elixir … prematurely. _

_Her heart sank then as she stifled a quiet sob, abruptly moving out of the room in favor shaking those plummeting feelings off, cradling Ruby closer now as she glided down the hallway to the nursery. _

###

Derek stepped back inside the cabin, sighing as he pulled his jacket off and hung it on an open hook by the door, the fire warming his back as he did. He slipped his shoes off and ran his fingers through his damp locks and listened to the quiet that resonated all around him. He snapped his PDA from his hip – _his eyes darting down to check the device as he sauntered into the kitchen_ – stopping short when he didn't see the ever-present bottle of champagne. Twisting his mouth and brow, he walked into the dimly lit room and paced, his eyes roaming the open spaces upon the countertops before he thought to check the refrigerator.

Pulling the door open, he was only half surprised to see the bottle there, placed on its side. He smiled as he set his hand upon the surface of the smooth glass and was shocked to feel how chilled it was before he spied Moira's hand-written note and chuckled at her anticipation – _'I don't know how clinical trials work, but I do know to enjoy champagne, it necessitates that it be chilled. Congratulations'_ – Derek felt tears of only God-knows-what prick his eyes and then he smiled and gently closed the door and turned out of the kitchen en-route to find his brilliant wife.

_He stopped outside of the baby's room and pushed the door open with the pads of his fingertips, the fragmented light cascading upon his angel's face as he stepped inside and paused to watch her sleep for lost beat in time. He pulled the door closed behind him, the moonlit serenity encapsulating him as he lingered, willing himself to slow down and focus on Ruby's steadfast breathing, urging himself to really listen to her and to see her – alive and breathing – the strum of her heart beating on and on now as he reflected just long enough to thank his lucky stars for the life he'd been blessed enough to find and keep and live out with his healthy family. _

_Unearthed emotion found him then and he tilted his head back, forcing his rising tears to recede once again – his eyes centered on the brilliant pink of the hibiscus flower made from stained glass – and then he smiled … for the shower in their bathroom had come to life. _

With a that smile still perched along his face, he looked on at the sleeping baby for another second before he quietly slipped into the sanctuary of their bedroom through the adjoining door there – _the lights dim, the pummel of the shower still soothing him_ – the door to the bathroom ajar enough to allow the hot steam to swirl out from within. As if the sanctuary called to him, he pushed the door open, his eyes instantly resetting as he found his wife's gorgeous silhouette. He glanced at the baby monitor; the fiery glow of the little red light – _steady, uninterrupted_ – though blurred around the edges from the steam … all was indeed quiet.

"Meredith," he softly spoke into the room.

"Hi," she said, smiling as she tilted her head back and into the hot stream of water. "Are you getting in?" she asked, wringing out her hair before she pulled the glass door aside and smiled at her husband.

"Yeah," he smiled, holding her gaze as he pulled on the button fly of his jeans and let them, along with his boxers fall to the floor. He tilted his head and regarded her for a beat, suddenly awestruck by her simple beauty _– her cheeks pink with heat_ – her emerald eyes brighter and more refreshed than he had seen from her in weeks.

"What?" she prompted with a smirk.

"You're gorgeous," he stated simply as he unbuttoned his shirt and watched her face twist briefly before she smiled weakly.

"Derek," she giggled breathlessly, blinking her unexpected tears away as she felt the intense highs and lows of her emotions slowly level off, the storm passing out to sea as she stared into his unwavering gaze.

"Meredith," he sighed, stepping forward and straight into the steam-filled space … small, intimate … calming. "You _are_, you know," he insisted, moving to stand in front of his woman, his hands already massaging her slick muscles, her tension easing under the gentle pressure of his fingertips.

"So are you," she replied, leaning into the massage of his touch, her eyes closing of their own accord. She stepped further into his radiant heat. "Feels good," she encouraged, finally letting herself go, just enough to really feel and appreciate his touch. She opened her eyes then and smiled. "Your turn … before the water gets cold," she said as they began to switch places, their bodies still touching in one way or another … caressing, reassuring, massaging.

Derek dipped his head back and into the spray of warm water – _the current pummeling his scalp and shoulders, his eyes closed, symbolic debris circling the drain beneath his feet_ – Meredith's soapy hands massaging his body as he let it all go … the stress … the failures … the disappointments – _the insecurities of their arduous process_ – those standard fallouts from any clinical trial, whether deemed a success or a failure.

Relaxing now, he let Meredith claim his muscles, her hands caressing his body as he opened his eyes and watched her revere him. Instinctively, he drew her near, reacting to his need to covet her as he raised her chin with his fingertips and began to kiss her slowly – _so hungry for one another as though starved … and maybe they were _– because although their connectivity remained intact during the trial, they had both realized that there was a small degree of hesitancy with regards to the pleasures of their brand of intimacy and therein … they had abstained.

"The water's getting cold," Meredith husked into her lover's mouth, her voice ragged. Derek opened his eyes and found her. He smiled and so did she. "I've missed you … _us _…," she confessed, her eyes trained on his … bright, blue … though paradoxically weary.

Derek smiled weakly, plucking at her lips once more before he twisted the faucet and turned the water off. "I missed you too," he sighed, pressing his lips to her forehead as he pulled two clean towels down, wasting no time before he wrapped Meredith in one of them. "Come …come here …," he murmured pulling her into his arms where he held her for a brief moment, deep inside their inner sanctuary, this place where it was always just the two of them.

Meredith grew heavier in his arms, pausing there before she turned out of his embrace and slid the opaque door open, holding Derek's hand as she stepped out of the shower, her feet meeting the plush carpet – _the comforting steam filling her lungs as she inhaled deeply_ – drying her body off while Derek did the same. "I want to call the hospital again," she declared, catching her lover's eyes inside the reflection of the frosted mirror.

"I know," Derek answered with surety. "Me too," he sighed, because he really did.

###

Meredith had deposited herself into the deep cushion of the leather sofa and there she remained, listening to the faint murmur of Derek's voice – _his tone reflective as he listened to Beth and Jeremy's statistics_ – briefly checking on Beth's parents in the process. She smiled at his bedside manner and found her eyes roaming around the comfortable living room, their lovely Balinese treasures (photographs of Wayan and Ketut included) perched in all the right places, memorable images of their more precious moments together on the island alone, along with plenty more of Ruby – _her sweet cherubic face and all-seeing eyes captured inside every frame_ – and then the latest few from their wedding … such a happy, blessed day.

'_They were fine', she reminded herself then … she and Derek … and Ruby … and Jeremy and Beth, Beth and Jeremy … they had survived, they would become … 'Jeremy and Beth, Beth and Jeremy', their potential, both real and tangible now, their destinies … rich with untapped possibilities. Her heart shook, she turned her focus to the hearth and let herself go – the fire, so gorgeous and dangerous it reminded her of the clinical trial – so intriguing, yet scary as hell. _

A shiver ripped up her spine; Derek ended his call. Her eyes dipped shut and she focused, exhaling in an attempt to regulate her sudden erratic heartbeat, she heard a delicate _'clink'_ come from the kitchen, the refrigerator door opened and then closed. She listened for her lover's footsteps and opened her eyes to find him.

Derek smiled. "They're both fine, both tumors … still reducing in size," he announced as he walked forward, double fisted with the cold champagne bottle in one hand, two crystal flutes in the other. He winked. "It really worked …," he breathed, shaking his head in quiet disbelief.

"I keep meaning to pinch myself," Meredith murmured as she pushed herself back, folding her legs underneath her as she did.

Derek set his wares down on the smooth surface of the coffee table in front of her. "Or _I_ could pinch you," he flirted shamelessly, eliciting a giggle from his lover. He batted his lashes and turned to face her where he also sat Indian style and let his eyes rest on his woman.

"Pinch away …," she giggled softly, her eyes darting away from his to the champagne bottle where they stayed. She exhaled, a breathless sigh escaping from her lips as the fire hissed; she turned back to Derek, resting her head against the back of the sofa wherein she felt her eyes close.

_Derek smiled weakly as he watched his lover's brow relax, his mind adrift with his own range of conflicting sentiments – for there was no way around it, he was emotional, period – and unlike any other time of his career, he felt it … the stress of defeat … their dismal start. Derek felt it – the insurmountable agony of the losses – he felt still it, and the way it seemed to tear Meredith apart, it was almost too much for him to witness, for her deflation was akin to careless knife to the heart. _

_Twisting. Churning. Arresting. _

_It hurt … the disappointment he read upon her face, it was more than disconcerting, though truth be told – it was also a key motivator – for he never wanted to let her down (again) … and he knew it was the same way for her. And so they pushed one another. And now two young lovers were alive … and almost tumor free … because of the trial, because of Meredith's knack for looking into that gray area without fear (and sometimes consequence). For they were a team, brilliant – extraordinary together – and in the end, the trial became a beautiful, cathartic thing. _

_Except … it wasn't over yet, not by a long shot. _

Meredith opened her eyes and found Derek, his blue gateways glassy, a fury of conflict marring his handsome face – _she smiled and he looked away – _the light from the fire bouncing over the traversing lines etched along his features … the stress of the trial … so readily seen now, it almost shocked her. She blinked, hesitating, for she felt they were at a crossroads. But what could be said for so much disappointment … and then a release … and then another – _two rays of hope_ – living, breathing … _alive, alive._ She swallowed hard and shook her head.

"Do you think … it would be like tempting fate … opening that champagne bottle?" she asked of her husband then, her fingertips finding his.

He smiled at her karmic sense, for their chosen paths led them, right here … right now … and distrust aside … he wasn't sure he wanted to tempt the karmic Gods. "My instinct tells me it's a go … but I don't know if I could handle it if either one of one those kids don't make it," he confessed, staring into his woman's endless gateways.

"Me either … I just want to breathe again," she sighed, resting her head back and against the sofa, the leather cool against her skin; her eyes found the fire and therein she lost herself.

_Derek reflexively shifted closer to Meredith, turning slightly to watch the flames dance before he closed his eyes and listened to the sounds of his home – Meredith's breathing, the crackle and hiss of the fire – the heat coming in soothing droves from the hearth, licking at his face, the familiar woodsy essence of their enclave calming him like no other place on earth. He felt Meredith tighten her hold on his hand, lacing her long surgeon's fingers through his. He listened intently, she exhaled with a shudder and he opened his eyes. _

"It's good to be home," he sighed, focusing on her as he reached up and pushed her damp tendrils away from her face … her gorgeous eyes distressed around the edges. "I love being here with you … and Ruby …," he exhaled. "Our life … it's just … perfect …I don't need anything else …," he uncharacteristically rambled, somehow unable to articulate how blessed and humbled he felt – _they were healthy and home and safe_ – and suddenly that was all he cared about.

"Neither do I …," Meredith agreed, scooting closer to his heat, her hands flanking his skull where she met him eye to eye – _holding him inside this moment_ – unwilling to let go as she breathed in tandem with him … reconnecting, aligning … they were home. "I know …it's okay … we're all okay," she intimated softly, tilting her head as she regarded him – _acknowledging only the man she loved (and his wordless insecurities)_ – not the invincible surgeon everyone else longed to see.

_Derek pulled Meredith forward, moving to hold her, suddenly so lost within her all-seeing gateways, so brilliant, so forward-thinking and bright – and therein he found himself staring at her then, much like he usually did – attempting to catch a glimpse of how her beautiful mind worked, ducking his head down where their spell was briefly broken … until he gently pulsed his lips over hers and lost himself in her. _

_His mind finally easing under her skillful ministrations – their mouths mating, their hearts communicating – they connected; the steady heat radiating from the fire upon his back and neck, soothing his weary muscles there while his lover's innate heat took care of the rest – her lips moving succinctly over his, just as they always had – nip, suck, swirl, swirl, their warm mouths harmonizing, their kisses, both sweet and raw, pulse, pulse, soft and quick, long and hard … she was okay … they were all right … her kisses always told him so. _

"Come … come to bed," he husked against her open mouth, pulsing his nerves against hers once more before he pulled back. "Let's just … sleep … for a little bit, while everyone else does," he mused, pulling her up with him as he stood – _his mind keen on tucking himself deep inside of her calming heat _– for there was nothing that soothed him more than his wife's steady heartbeat while she slept.

"Sleeping with you … in our bed, sounds perfect," Meredith sighed, her body literally aching, small amounts of stress ebbing from her nerves now as the storm continued to pass out to sea.

Derek picked the champagne bottle and flutes up; Meredith turned the reading lamp off and they walked together, bypassing the dwindling fire en-route to the kitchen. She stopped and turned the baby monitor off while Derek set the bottle back into the refrigerator … where it would likely stay until the time was really right.

###

_Meredith's heart lurched as Ruby's sudden wail barreled through the baby monitor, her hand immediately going to the switch to turn the device off in an effort to let Derek sleep. Stumbling out of bed, she swiftly entered the nursery, blinking rapidly to wake up – her head still foggy with sleep when she spied the Ruby, still on her back, her feet crossed in the air – her cheeks glistening with fresh tears, her incessant cry a sure sign of pain. _

"Oh, baby, mommy knows, come here …," she sighed breathlessly as she reached into the crib and scooped the tearful baby into her arms. "I'm sorry this is happening to you," she whispered, holding her close. "Mommy's so sorry, let's take care of you … such a good baby," she cooed, pressing a kiss to her hot cheek.

_Working quickly then, Meredith pushed the dimmer up one notch and then another until a soft, yellow light eased into the room. Smiling, she doted on the fussy baby, settling her down into the contour of the changing table before she placed one hand on her belly and reached into the top drawer of her dresser and fished for the small bottle of Tylenol drops. _

_Ruby began to fuss again. Squinting, Meredith habitually read the label, verifying the dosage, though quite aware it hadn't changed. The door clicked behind her and she looked back to find Derek – his hair wild from sleep – his untied pajama bottoms slung low on his hips, his favorite Bowdoin shirt, still sexy on him, though the small hole she spotted recently was noticeably bigger._

"Wasn't it my night to get up?" he queried, his tired eyes meeting his lover's.

Meredith smiled. "Maybe … I have no idea," she giggled as she measured the pain reliever … cherry red, sweet and essential.

"Come here, baby," Derek murmured as he scooped her up, pressing a kiss to her red cheeks before he draped his arm around Meredith's shoulders. "You're the best mother," he praised, massaging her tense muscles.

"You're not so bad yourself," Meredith answered, her eyes pinned to his for a beat. She smiled and so did he. "I'm ready," she sighed, holding the small medicine dropper up.

Derek lay Ruby down again and held her gaze. "Remember … just like a little bird," he whispered, taking the small dropper and touching it to her tongue. He smiled widely. "That's it," he encouraged, slowly releasing the elixir. "Good job," he praised, winking at Meredith when he passed her the dropper.

_Meredith glanced at the clock again – 4:45 AM – a new day was upon them. She sighed and recorded the time of Ruby's dosage on a notepad they left there, leaving no chance for overdosing. She set the pen down and watched Derek change the baby's diaper, her fist in her mouth, her pain hopefully subsiding already. _

"Do you think she'll nurse?" she wondered aloud, pinning her eyes on Derek's as he snapped the baby's pajamas back up_._ She turned her attention back to Ruby who gurgled and then yawned, shivering as the reflex moved through her body. "Come here, baby," she breathed, scooping her up where she swayed for a beat.

Derek hugged his family, pressing a kiss to the crown of Ruby's head before he found Meredith's eyes in the dim, soft light. "She's getting tired," he announced as the baby yawned again.

"Yeah, she is … such a good baby," Meredith praised, lifting the sleepy baby over the crib railing and then onto her back.

_The baby gurgled, babbling softly until a small peaceful smile formed along her cherubic face. She kicked her feet and yawned yet again. Meredith lowered the lights, leaving only a small shadow of a glow from a nearby nightlight. _

"I missed you Ruby," Derek sighed, finding the baby's eyes in the darkness, cupping his hand along her halo, her baby soft locks tickling his palm. "We're so proud of you," he doted, pressing his warm hand to one of her chubby thighs.

"We are," Meredith agreed, leaning into Derek's heat where she snaked her arm around his trim waist. "It's okay to sleep, baby … you'll feel better soon," she promised softly.

_Feeling assured that the Tylenol was working, Meredith smiled, her eyes lingering on her daughter for a beat longer before she tilted her head up and kissed the underside of her husband's neck – breathing him in as she did – in, out, he smelled of aftershave and sleep. She felt a smile tug at his face before he met her eyes._

"I'm proud of you too, you know," she sighed breathlessly, suddenly so amazed by this man she loved.

"And, I'm _so_ … proud of you," he whispered thickly, moving to hold her there. "So … proud … of you for being an amazing mom and an amazing surgeon …," he sighed, meeting her eyes in the dark.

"Oh, Derek," Meredith shook her head, her hands already flanking the handsome planes of his cheeks.

"I mean it, you amaze me … you're everything to me … everything," he said as his lips descended upon hers where he massaged her nerves, soft and quick, those tiny kisses that were meant to convey how very much he loved and adored her.

"And so are you to me …," Meredith smiled against his pulsing lips. "Congratulations, Derek … the dream of the trial … maybe … it isn't just a dream anymore," she sniffled, pulling back to bask in his gateways.

"No … it isn't … everyday is more meaningful than the next …," he mused thoughtfully. "And I'm not just talking about the trial …," he professed, kissing her open mouth again as they swayed amongst the fragmented shadows in the enclave of their daughter's room.

###

_I am becoming sleepy once again as the sweet, red elixir begins to soothe my tender gums wherein I secretly hope this 'tooth' comes soon and brings with it some useful purpose. I sigh heavily and run the tip of my tongue over the little ridges I feel there … only now, they are not bothersome in the least. I feel numb to the world as it spins on and on._

_I become heavier and turn my head, spying on my parents though the slots of my crib as they sway in one another's arms – dancing and kissing – the intimate coo of their soft billowy voices carrying me away as my eyelids close like a curtain at the theater._

_And as I drift off to that dark, whimsical place of rest and solitude – I feel grounded once again – resting easier with the knowledge that my parents had indeed longed for me in the same way I had ached for them … sighing with ease as I hear that familiar creak of the floorboard near our adjoining doorways – the sign, the signal – that reminds me that I am not alone … and that they are home with me and resting easy in very next room … just like I am. _

"_I am your dry towel; you are my wet bath."_

**Chapter 8 to follow. **


	8. Chapter 8, Laugh

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: Thank you to all who continue to read and love this story as I do, it means so much to me to hear from you! Thanks to 'cahillfive', 'stilllovesgreys' and 'J' for your anonymous reviews!**

**Also, a quick note to 'A' who left an awesome anonymous review for "Eyes Wider than Before", THANK YOU for reading and leaving your note. Considering your interest in the Owen/Cris pairing, I thought you'd like to read another story of mine called "Business Time", a string of six connected one-shots from the male cast member POV, each with their own erotic interlude (of course Owen and Cris are paired together). A shameless plug on my part, but I do really think you would enjoy this story!**

**Now, on to this one ... please, please ... if you are reading, tell me what you think!**

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**

**Chapter 8 – Laugh **

_"I am your dinner; you are my chocolate cake."_

_Fatigue ebbs into my nerve endings now, though my eyes fight to stay awake. My heart pounds into my ears and even though I know I am safe and warm now, I feel distressed. I let my eyes dip shut, but the bright overcast day still infiltrates my lids. My nerve endings snap and their frayed edges begin to repair the damage done to those microscopic cells that serve and protect me so. I shudder and rub my wet eyes with the backs of my hands, my incessant shrill still echoing in my mind while I force myself to move on and forget the ordeal: the nurse, her wide smile and my unsuspecting thighs! _

_An uncontrolled whimper escapes from lips and I hear my daddy exhale sharply. I open my eyes and settle back and into my car seat. I push my feet against the seat back in front of me, fixing my eyes on the tiny mirror in front of me now … watching as my daddy repeatedly checks on me … his handsome smile as disarming and as genuine as it always is, though I must remember, he brought me to that nurse. I feel my brow twist. Where on earth did my nice Dr. Jeffries disappear to before the nurse came in? Where was he, my doctor … the one who took such good care of me?_

_My daddy finds my eyes inside his little mirror that's framed in perpetuity inside mine. He smiles and tilts his head and regards me, checks on me and in that instant, I feel my lips betray me as I smile in return. 'Traitor', I'd like to think … but I can't, because after all, he's my daddy … and he loves me and I love him, so much. _

_The car comes to a slow halt and I turn my head, waiting for my daddy to open my door and smother me with kisses like usual … and then he does … and he smells familiar … like aftershave and hair products and coffee. I nuzzle into his skin and reach up to pull him toward me, my wild giggle filling the small space between us now … my tears all gone too. And as he murmurs to me, he kisses the swell of my flushed cheek, unclips my straps and lifts me into his arms. I hold on tight, relaxing even more when I see our house and instantly set my sights upon the lake, my eyes sweeping over the water … still and calm and reassuring and therein, I find my peace of mind. _

_Daddy swiftly moves then, carrying me up the stairs, 'one, two, three', I count and before I know it, the key is inside the lock and we cross the threshold into the cabin. And then everything is quiet, much like it always is … quiet and still and peaceful and as tired as I am, I perk up and instinctively look for my Moira, but quickly realize she isn't waiting for me today. I yawn and drop my head upon my daddy's shoulder, listening to the baritone of his chuckle now as he holds me close and glides with me down to the solace of my room. _

_I succumb to my fatigue. My fight is over._

_The peaceful sanctuary of my room instantly begins to fall far and away as I close my eyes and listen to my daddy's soothing voice, my soundtrack for the moment as he changes my diaper. I shiver, the fresh pajamas cool against my hot skin, but my eyes stay heavy and suddenly I any fear or misgivings I had … disappear. I feel safe and warm … for I am at home and nothing can harm me here and this I know is true as I relax under my daddy's touch and listen to his whispers and coos and praises with regards to my bravery at the doctor's office. _

_My body feels heavier now, beleaguered by its need to regenerate as he gently lifts my leg, bending my knee to situate my foot inside the pajamas and as he does, I feel a dull ache radiate on my thighs … my wail fills my world as I cry out and I open my eyes, my heart trumpeting until all I see is my daddy and his bright and blue and true eyes as he whispers to me … promising me that I will feel better soon._

_'Sleep', he encourages softly. And trust him as I do … I listen to him and close my eyes only to find that sleep comes for me quickly … and then everything really is calm and quiet … and suddenly dark and made from the fluidity of my liquid dreams. _

###

Derek's heartstrings pulled slightly as he set Ruby down in her crib, his tired eyes sweeping over her relaxed form as he did. He paused and listened to the sounds of their home then – _watching the baby sleep, lulled and transfixed by her apparent tranquility _– though he knew it would be short-lived, his mind already mulling over the list of side-effects from the immunizations she'd been given: _fever, irritability, upset stomach._ He watched her body shiver and fought the urge to scoop her up and let her sleep in his arms. Instead, he cupped his hand over the halo of her head and felt for the start of a fever. She shivered again and he smiled before he turned around and stealthily slipped out of the peaceful aura of her room.

He padded down the hallway now and his pager buzzed on his hip as he made his way. He snapped the device from his waistband and brought it up to view _– it was Meredith_ – a reflexive smile crossed over his face as he read her name and then her text message: _'at the 80-hr. limit, will be home on the next ferry, xo'. _

Glancing at his watch, he quickly calculated her ETA and promptly turned into the kitchen to root through freezer for something to heat up for dinner – _something soothing, heavy and home-cooked – _which happened to be a relatively easy concept now with Moira working on her assignments and tinkering in their kitchen whilst Ruby napped or slept. He smiled when he spotted precisely what he was looking for, Meredith's new favorite … Moira's roasted vegetable lasagna – _the perfect balance of indulgent comfort _– and the perfect meal to end this exhaustive day with.

Because he really _was_ exhausted … and as much as he loved these days alone with Ruby he sometimes found himself feeling a lot like a fish out of water. Fatherhood was a tough nut to crack so far and admittedly, sometimes he felt a bit overwhelmed _– because this was his child, his little miracle_ – and God forbid he did anything wrong. And so he often found himself shaking his head – _he could do a routine craniotomy and quite frankly mitigate any and all of the possible complications that could arise_ – so how was it that fatherhood sometimes felt so disconcerting and unpredictable that it almost scared him?

He set the frozen lasagna down on the counter and read Moira's handwritten instructions. He turned the convection oven on, adjusting the temperature before he went about setting the table, making sure to grab a couple of wine glasses. The oven chimed and he crossed the small space, unwrapped the lasagna and positioned it on the top rack of the oven. Following Moira's instructions, he set the timer for one hour. Satisfied with his work, he dimmed the lights and headed to the hearth where he began to build a fire … a log here, a wad of newspaper there. He struck a long match and held it into the newspaper then, where he stood motionless and watched the flames devour the paper … _blue, white, orange … untamed power and heat ignited over the logs … and it was beautiful. _

_Derek sighed and stood up, pausing now as he inhaled the woodsy aroma of the hearth for a moment, this distinctive essence that somehow breathed innate life into their home. The fire warmed him from the outside in and as it did, he felt the tension from the day wane in the form of an all-consuming wave of relief (one admittedly infused with a pang of despondency) as it swiftly covered him akin to a warm blanket while he tried once again to shake off Ruby's tumultuous doctor's visit. _

_He blinked and made an attempt at resetting his brain but he was still shaken for some reason and as such he still could hear the sound of Ruby's shrill and the unforgettable way her cherubic face contorted with worry as the nurse held her down … and of course, the look in her eyes when they flicked to his for a briefest instant – a look that questioned his role in all that was happening – a look that was dismantled as the nurse began to prick her thighs with her well shots, prick, prick, prick ... prick. _

_And inside that moment, he remembered coaching himself: 'it's a simple case of black and white … people needed to be immunized'. And logically, he got it (of course he did), but in reality, the truth was, he never wanted to see Ruby be distressed like that again. And yes, he was a wuss, he knew that much – but the truth often hurt and in this case – the truth simply meant that he wouldn't be taking Ruby to any more pediatrician visits alone … ever ... again. _

Turning his back on the fire, he headed for the small laptop console off the side of the kitchen, pulling out the high stool there as he toggled the mouse and the small powerhouse came alive. He sat down and logged into his email, his mind working over the new messages: one from Mark with regards to the new developments of their _'Gentlemen's Fishing Trip'_, another from the editor of _SEATTLE Magazine_ confirming his and Meredith's appointment for their interview on the topic of the _'Shepherd Method'_, and lastly, one from Peter's father's tax accountant, the final proposed budget for _Meri House_ was attached and ready for review.

His face instantly turned into a smile then as he opened that last email and his mind drifted to Ketut and Wayan and the small package of photographs they recently received from them. Wayan, their boy – _oh so handsome and healthy now_ – over a year later wherein he continually enriched their lives from afar, while simultaneously making the world a much smaller place, for more than ever before, they were still very much ensconced within the sun and sea and life upon Bali. He smiled into himself and approved the expenditures for the coming year.

_Satisfied, he leaned back and listened to the quiet of his homestead for a brief moment –whimsical images of Bali floating through his mind as the leaves danced outside in the wind, the sun overhead somewhere – he breathed, in, out, in and then out again. Focusing, he began to feel grounded and at peace now as he practiced those proven methods of meditation they learned on the island. He breathed again and let the worries of fatherhood release their chokehold upon him wherein he felt a slight liberation from the stresses of the day as they began to alleviate. 'Slow, slow down', he breathed, opening his eyes as he exhaled and felt that sense of inner peace he was looking for. _

Exhaling one last time, he came to and slowly pushed his chair back to check on the lasagna, but was jarred from his dreamlike state by Ruby's sudden wail as it moved through the cabin, echoing into the quiet from several strategically placed baby monitors. Derek reacted swiftly – _his fight or flight instinct pushed into high gear as his heart raced and he quickly moved down the hallway to the baby's room _– his fuzzy mind on auto-pilot as life resumed all around him, his heart thumping wildly by the time he pushed the door open to find Ruby sitting up in her crib.

"That wasn't much of a nap, pickle," he cooed, his own brow knitting when he saw the strange expression upon her baby face: _one made from pure panic._ "Oh God," he breathed as he reached for her, his nostrils suddenly struck with the rancid smell that surrounded her along with the appalling idea of the apparent explosion that happened in her diaper. "Wow," he said through his nose as he stared at her for a brief moment in time.

_He scoured his brain for a workable solution then while Ruby's wail became more incessant and demanding as she pulled herself up using the crib slots and held his gaze … her cheeks red, her eyes red and puffy too. She cried out in frustration, her misery on full display along with the brown … no, more green … no more yellow and yes, all over the place … massive amount of poop! _

_And inside this slow-motion moment in time, Derek did no more than tilt his head and ponder the stain, his mind wrapping around its magnitude as it stretched from her chubby thighs and moved all the way up her spine, quite possibly in her hair as well! His stomach turned … the baby wailed … the room wreaked … but all he could do was stare at her and try to come up with a plan of attack! _

"Da!" Ruby shrilled, once again garnering his attention as she held her hands out for him.

Derek half chuckled. "You're a mess, I know," he murmured as he quickly unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, _'it's just poop'_, he reminded himself as he pulled the garment over his head and tossed it onto the nearby rocker. "Come here, baby," he cooed, lifting the soaked baby from her crib, the stench encapsulating him as he did. "Oh, God! You … I can't put you down," he muttered to himself as he was about to lay her down on her changing table. "Okay, baby … just bear with me here, daddy has an idea," he conspired as he perched her onto his hip.

Ruby's cries died down as Derek spoke to her, breathing through his mouth as he opened the top drawer of her dresser, fishing from it a pair of surgical scissors, a new diaper pail liner and a fresh package of baby wipes.

"Okay, daddy's ready ... just stay still," he murmured as he set his little mess of a baby down on the changing table. "We're just going to throw _everything_ out … but first, I'm going to have to cut you out of your clothing," he explained in a light, melodic voice.

_The baby cocked her head then and began to squirm uncomfortably as Derek smiled tightly at her and worked quickly, first opening the wipes where he pulled a large quantity free from the holder, setting the small pile off and to the right. He then opened the diaper pail bag and hooked one of the plastic handles onto the top knob of her dresser. With everything in place, he quickly donned a pair of surgical gloves and began to unsnap her pajamas. She squirmed, shrugging her shoulders as he gently pulled her feet free, bringing with them a fresh waft of the stench._

_Derek's stomach turned and his gag reflex gripped him, he looked at the ceiling and wondered for a brief flicker of time why this seemed so hard – it was just poop – his daughter's poop! Ruby cried out then, lodging what could have been any number of chief complaints at this point. Derek looked down to her and grasped a hold of the surgical scissors – for his plan was to cut her arms out of the top of her bodysuit – so he could just lift her out of the rest of the mess rather than pulling the whole stained garment over her head. _

_Ruby wailed again and he set his hand upon her chest to keep her still, but she protested, so he raised the scissors out of harm's way and that was when he heard a gasp come from behind him. And therein, he turned around and saw Meredith, where he silently thanked God for the eighty-hour workweek!_

"There's poop everywhere," he announced, his nasally voice hanging in the foul air.

Meredith did no more than snort as she walked into the room and headed straight for the window. "You can put the scissors down now, Dr. Shepherd," she snickered as she unlocked the window and opened it. She turned around and raised her brow at her husband.

"Funny," he laughed as he stepped aside and let her come to the rescue. He watched her smile and put her hair into a messy bun as she did.

"Hi baby," she cooed at their angel, her green eyes puffy and red – _four pink princess Band-Aids affixed to her chubby thighs _– Meredith reflexively winced, _prick, prick, ouch, ouch_. She slipped a pair of surgical gloves on and got to work by taking Ruby's right arm and expertly bending it up and through the top of the lap shoulder of her bodysuit.

"Oh … so that's how that works," Derek muttered with a wry grin. Meredith giggled; she freed Ruby's left arm. "I never thought of pulling her arms through the top first," he chuckled.

"This is a really big poop," Meredith whispered to the baby as she gently lifted her upper body and slid the bodysuit down to her tiny waist. "Probably from your well shots," she conspired as she lay her back down. Ruby babbled animatedly now. "I know, baby … it's a common a side effect … lucky for you, you won't remember this," she giggled, briefly meeting Derek's eyes. "Too bad I can't say the same for your daddy," she snickered as she unsnapped the crotch of the bodysuit and pulled it down and off of the baby's legs. She tossed the garment into the trash bag.

_Derek resisted the urge to gag again as he watched Meredith somehow move in slow motion and remove the soiled diaper. She tossed it into the trash bag and began to clean the baby up with the abundance of wipes he had pulled free. She worked flawlessly and confidently all the while chatting with Ruby, calming her, soothing her with her gentle touch and voice. Leaning down, she grabbed a flannel receiving blanket from the small stack there and covered the filthy changing table pad with it. She then lifted Ruby and turned her over, setting her on her belly for the briefest of moments while she used another wad of wipes to gently clean her back. When satisfied, she lifted the restless baby back up and turned to Derek. _

"You need to toss that undershirt," she giggled, pointing to a large brownish stain just above his right hip. She removed her gloves and threw them into the trash bag.

"Oh …," he chuckled, quickly pulling the protective layer of latex from his hands before took the shirt off and tossed all of it into the trash bag.

"Here …," Meredith murmured with a soft smile as she came to stand next to him. "Why don't you take her into the shower with you and I'll handle this," she offered, recognizing now that he was just about at his limit.

"I can clean this up … you just walked in," he murmured as he took Ruby from her. The baby squealed, happier now than he'd seen her all day.

"I've got it," Meredith answered and then she smiled. Derek leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. He smiled weakly. "You both wreak," she giggled. "She needs to get washed … go," she reasoned softly.

"I know …," he answered with a small smile of his own. "Mommy's so cool under pressure, isn't she, Ruby?" he asked of the baby who suddenly began to chat excitedly about her amazing mother.

He kissed Meredith again. "Thank God you're home," he chuckled in all seriousness.

Ruby yawned big then. Meredith giggled and tapped her little button nose with her pointer finger. "You stink baby … make sure daddy washes your hair," she cooed. "Then you can finish your nap," she smiled widely eliciting a mimic from the smart baby.

_Derek chuckled and Meredith watched them go, sauntering off and through the adjoining door en-route to the master bathroom. She listened as the shower came to life and got back to the messy task at hand, quickly, stripping the crib linens, leaving everything on the floor near the door before she decided with haste to just toss the changing table cover and the receiving blanket she had used right into the trash bag. All told, she tied the trash bag up and swiftly exited the room, the soiled linens in her arms, the trash bag looped onto her wrist. Rounding the corner, she opened the mudroom door and set the linens on top of the washing machine before she opened the back door and dropped the trash bag into the large trashcan there, clothing the lid tight. _

_When finished, she exhaled sharply, releasing a large breath of air she didn't know she was withholding. She inhaled now, allowing her lungs to recycle the fresh air in and out and therein, she let the stresses of the week ebb, just a little bit. She shivered against the damp cold air and turned back inside to check on whatever Derek had put in the oven … for the rest of the house smelled divine. She stepped back inside and closed the door behind her … and only then did she truly relax, for she was home and they had eighteen hours together before Derek was scheduled again, eighteen hours that could feel like a lifetime sometimes. Inhaling the delicious aroma, she peeked into the oven and saw the bubbling lasagna. Her face turned into a smile as she closed the oven and glanced at the timer where there was still thirty minutes left on the timer._

_Swiftly, she headed back to the solace of Ruby's nursery – the sweet Balinese heirloom suspended above her crib there – just as deep and soulful and whimsical as it had been in her mind's eye during that magical hour they spent in the mountain village __of __Tenganan, the older boutique owner and her perfectly wide and gracious smile there now too as she thought about the __'__gringsing' tapestry and how it came to hang in her daughter's room … what a story ... what a history. _

_A broad smile crossed over her features now as she changed both the crib linens and the changing table cover, her mind lingering on Wayan and Ketut and her beloved Bali. Her heart squeezing when she thought of her boy's handsome face and his aura of inner peace … and therein, she was able to find hers. All she had to do was think of Wayan or remember the liquid brown of his all-seeing eyes ... and she was connected, grounded … aligned and at peace. _

_She took a deep breath and realized the stench had dissipated enough. She closed the window almost all the way and listened to Derek's shallow voice and Ruby's responsive squeals as their chatter echoed through the house. Smiling, she returned to the present and grabbed some clothing for the baby and a fresh diaper before she headed into the bathroom to check on her family. _

"So … does everyone feel better?" she asked when she peeked around the tempered glass door.

Ruby squealed. "Ma!" she exclaimed, her angelic face flushed, her fingers pressed into Derek's shoulders as she hung on tight.

"Ruby," Meredith cooed, locking her eyes on the baby's. She beamed at Derek.

"I think she's done," Derek laughed, holding the slick, squirming baby the best he could.

Meredith grabbed a fresh towel and opened the door. "I'll take her, she must be –"

"Don't even say it!" Derek challenged as he passed Ruby to his wife. Meredith snickered.

"Pooped!" she sassed, pursing her lips into a pout; she giggled and closed the door.

Using the teak bench inside the steamy room, Meredith worked quickly now to diaper and dress Ruby who babbled and yawned intermittently – _her curious green eyes bright and cheery, despite the trials of her day_ – her well shots hopefully a distant memory now. "I know … mommy loves you too … let's see about the rest of your nap," she whispered, kissing her clean, soft baby cheeks, drawing her near as she scooped her up and peppered her neck with a series of quick, tickling kisses. "I'll be right back," she said to Derek as she turned the baby monitor on and headed to get the chatty baby into bed.

"And I'll be right here … waiting," Derek flirted with a devilish laugh causing Meredith to make some kind of wisecrack retort in conspiracy with the baby as she left the room.

_Derek sighed and dipped his head back and into the hotter water now – having regulated the temperature for him and Meredith – he was once again thankful for his wife's foresight in wanting to have not one, but two hot water heaters. He began to shampoo his hair while he listened to his wife and baby 'chat' – their whispering voices echoing into the bathroom now through the baby monitor – 'night-night' Meredith cooed before he heard the floorboard just inside the nursery creak and everything became quiet. _

_He exhaled and began to lather his body with liquid soap, kneading his muscles while the baby's babble slowly faded away and Meredith appeared in the bathroom. Derek smiled and turned to watch her disrobe, dropping her clothing into the hamper there before she opened the door just enough to slip inside the hot, soothing shower with him. _

Meredith smiled at her lover then and like so many times before, she let the stresses of the day slip away and down and into the drain while the world stopped spinning just long enough for her to connect with her husband … at home, something that had admittedly become a rarity as of late – _but when those perfect moments arose_ – they were always a pleasure … a gift of time …time to remember how much they loved and revered one another.

"Eighteen hours … just the three of us," Derek murmured as he stepped out of the water and into his lover's space.

"Hmm, might feel like a dream," Meredith replied, tilting her head up where Derek ducked down and kissed her fully. She giggled into his mouth, her soapy hands already palming his ass. "You smell much better now," she husked, pulling away, her nose brushing against his as he cupped her face in his hands. "So does the house," she murmured as she pulled him closer, his warm body pressed against hers.

"Moira's lasagna," Derek smiled wickedly as he grabbed the shampoo. "Turn around," he ordered softly, adding an abundance of shampoo to his hands.

"So … rough day?" Meredith pondered as he massaged her scalp, her eyes almost closing in response. She reached for the small tiled ledge and held on – _around and around he went_ – his hands moving from her head now to her shoulders where she released her endorphins, the stresses of the day falling away for good now.

"Yeah," he answered candidly. "I … it's hard to see her under so much distress," he intimated, smoothing his hands from her shoulders down to her breasts – _cupping them gently, massaging her slick nipples with his thumbs before he steadied himself – _pinning his fists to her hipbones where he pulled her back toward him and just held her there for a beat.

"I know," Meredith replied as she turned in his arms. "I can't stand it either," she whispered as she held his gaze and lost herself for a long, quiet, connective moment.

"You need to rinse," he chuckled after another minute, quite awestruck by her in that flicker of time; for it was true, she still took his breath away without even trying.

"I do," she giggled, trading places with him before she tilted her head into the hot spray of water, the slick soap bubbles both popping and massaging her as they flooded down the length of her body and into the drain … taking with them the last of her stresses.

_She righted herself and opened her eyes to find Derek watching her, right where she left him. He smiled and reached behind her – pressing on the shower knob to turn the water off as he did – his heated body upon hers now as the room became quiet and he began kissing her as if it had been years since he'd done so. Yes, he kissed her, languidly, leaning into her where upon she felt him release his vulnerabilities and she accepted him with open arms. _

_All the while, he surely felt her do the same – yes, she lost and found herself just like so many times before – she kissed him back with everything she had in her … until they were one, hot, wet and connected … at home and so madly, deeply in love, even now, even still. _

_Yes, they kissed one another very much since the night they first met – for all it took was one kiss to let it all go – all of their stresses and insecurities (though now most definitely devoid of secrets). Derek inhaled sharply and pulled away; just barely away before he spoke in a hushed tone, his voice barely heard over the thunder clapping in her heart. _

"I don't want to go alone to Dr. Jeffries again," he confessed. "It's … too much for me," he admitted, holding Meredith's gaze, their daughter's green, all-seeing eyes, so much like her mother's now that it often intensified how he felt about her, how much he truly loved her – _it had taken on a new form a life in Ruby_ – like mother, like daughter and vice-versa.

"I know," Meredith acknowledged as she reached up and grabbed a towel for him where she leaned up and draped it over his board shoulders before she took one for herself. "I know … being a dad … being a mom … it's …," her voice trailing off as she smiled wistfully as she dried herself off.

"Harder than anything else … _anything_ else … it's –"

"Horrifying," she ventured with a tight smile. "I'm always so scared that I'm gonna scar her for life," she giggled as Derek opened the shower door and she stepped out, immediately turning to face him, regarding him for a moment then – _secretly loving that he didn't keep anything to himself anymore_ – for they really were a team. "You're an excellent father, Derek," she praised, bringing her hands up to flank his face – _her eyes fixed on his while she waited for them to soften and sparkle _– smiling brightly as they did.

"I love you," he declared then, so entrenched in all that she did to him and the way in which she understood him like no one else, the way she did so without judgment. "Thanks …," he whispered. "You take such good care of us … I'd be lost without you, you know?" he smiled as he stared at her. "You know what an amazing woman and mother you are … right?" he asked candidly, swallowing hard as his emotions tried to swallow him whole. Meredith nodded noncommittally, but Derek kissed her, trying his best to ease her insecurities, _kiss, kiss_ … he kissed her on the truth. "You are," he insisted.

_The lovers smiled at one another then, the steam in the bathroom rising to the ceiling as the dust from the day settled to the floor. They dried themselves and donned fresh pajamas, the night still young somewhere, but that didn't matter, because they were in for the night and quite possibly for the day tomorrow as well, for their eighteen hours together wouldn't be squandered. Derek opened the door and a gust of fresh air funneled into the bathroom. The lovers to turned to one another and smiled widely._

"Moira's lasagna!" Meredith giggled happily.

###

_The next morning, Derek exhaled and smiled, the cabin in plain sight now as he walked out from under the canopy of the last cluster of Douglas firs, their branches creaking in the variable wind as they moved and jostled those brown leaves – those precious few that still hung on – that same wind propelling them now, setting them free falling, twirling, around and around they went, falling, falling to meet their fate or destiny … the forest floor. _

_Ruby squealed from her perch over Derek's shoulder where she sat ensconced in his baby backpack. He lifted the small mirror on the shoulder strap and looked at her, taking in her innocence as her eyes fell on something that mystified her. Tilting his head – he regarded her for a beat and came to stop – once again catching a glimpse of her bright green eyes as they surveyed the land in front of them … and then he wondered if she too, saw the cabin … or perhaps the tiny bit of the lake one could see from this vantage point._

_The wind began to move again and the baby squealed with delight, her rosy cheeks kissed by the cold morning air. She kicked her covered feet, her tiny fingers pulsing through Derek's wool cap now where she held on tight and he could feel her surge of energy, her excitement …and as he followed her gaze, he knew she had indeed spotted the smoke stack rising from their chimney … she had seen her homestead. _

"Almost home kiddo," he confirmed as he glanced at his watch and picked up his pace, his hands massaging her covered baby feet as he did. "Do you think mommy's awake?" he wondered aloud.

"Ma?" she questioned brightly, her feet moving excitedly as she looked around.

"Mommy's at home,"he chuckled, heading along the familiar terrain.

_His mind wandering as he did, for he hoped Meredith slept in … because she was in a tough position. For it was no secret that he was amazed by her at this point, for he often wondered how she did it – surgical resident and a mother – two wonderfully complex and demanding jobs and as much as she would argue that she could do one or both of these jobs better, he disagreed, for it was his belief that she was made to do both and do them both with the fortitude he loved so very much about her. Smiling inside now, he chuckled aloud much like he usually did when he pondered the horrifying thought of being a father and a surgical resident, for unlike Meredith, he knew back then that he would have been ill-equipped to handle both._

_And as he thought about just how wonderful she was, he found himself walking at a faster clip, moving along that invisible fishing line he loved so much – his heartstrings tugging as peered up and into the sky and followed the smoke stacks until they disappeared – his eyes fixed on the horizon now as he landed at the foot of the porch and ascended the steps, a broad smile on his face now as he slowly opened the door and stepped inside the warm solace of the cabin wherein Meredith looked up from her perch upon the sofa. He took her in: her legs folded beneath her, a steaming cup of coffee in her hands … her Dartmouth t-shirt laying along her neck in all the right places. He sighed and smirked at the same time. _

"Hi," she beamed, her eyes instantly bouncing between her lover and their love-baby as she stood and crossed the room.

"Ma!" Ruby chimed in happily.

"Good morning," she whispered intimately, leaning up to kiss her lover's cold lips. "I missed you, waking up with you," she confessed softly as she held his chilled face in her hands, her long fingertips slipping beneath the damp wool of his cap.

"Hmm, me too … but I wanted you to sleep," he explained as he pulled his cap off, knowing she understood, but also knowing _exactly_ how she felt. He smiled weakly as Meredith's eyes darted to Ruby over his shoulder.

"Hi, baby!" she giggled, running her finger along the smooth, cool flesh of her cheek. "Mommy missed you too," she praised as the baby squealed; she unbuttoned her baby cap and pulled it off and released her wild unruly locks, so much like her daddy's now.

"But … you slept and you needed it," Derek declared with a bright smile as he leaned back and against the dining table, pushing the easel into place to balance the backpack there before he unstrapped the harness.

"I did … thank you," she acquiesced as he turned around and they beamed at the baby together. "Such a good baby," she praised, loosening the interior straps of the backpack before she lifted the excited baby into her arms. "Good morning to you," she sung, locking her eyes with the baby's for a flicker before she peppered her sweet face and neck with kisses, all the while breathing her in … _'baby, baby'._

_They turned then and headed into the living room, sitting down with the baby in front of the fire where they had a small collection of toys. Derek poked at the fire and Meredith stripped the baby of her outer fleece shell. Once freed, Ruby wasted no time and reached for her favorite 'teether', a small knobby alligator. She held the green, plastic ring-shaped toy in her hand and bit down again and again, drooling while she did. Meredith giggled and the baby looked up and cocked her head before she pulled herself up and towered above her mother. Meredith stared at her angel, cupping her angelic face in her hands._

Derek's eyes lingered on the pair for a beat longer, still awestruck by their connection. He sighed and stood. "Want to have a picnic over here?" he queried softly.

"Sure," Meredith grinned as she looked up to find him, Ruby holding on tight as she grounded herself using Meredith's shoulders before she plopped to the floor with a raucous giggle. "Silly baby," she cooed, lifting the little one onto her lap where she promptly pulled one arm from her t-shirt to situate Ruby to nurse.

The baby latched on and Meredith sat back and into the edge of the sofa, her legs crossed in front of her, her eyes following Derek in the kitchen while she watched him work. He looked over and smiled before he set the toaster and began to cut some fruit. She sighed happily and allowed herself to relax and just forget about everything for a little bit, cherishing these little moments of a reprieve from their busy lives – _for days like this felt like being snowed in and having no where to go_ – those perfect rare moments when the snow was fresh and new and everything was bright and beautiful and untouched.

The toaster chimed and Ruby shifted in her arms, her curious mind following the noise until she pushed herself further away from Meredith's breast – _suddenly watching Derek's every move as he walked to and fro in the kitchen, gathering their picnic_ – setting everything upon a tray before he approached them. Meredith felt her heartstrings pull, feeling the full weight of Ruby's distraction.

"She's losing interest in the boob …," Meredith surmised evenly as Derek set the tray of his wares upon the coffee table. "Ruby …," she whispered softly, the baby turned her face briefly, but instead of latching back on, she pushed herself up into a sitting position, shifting her tiny bottom on top of Meredith's legs. "She's weaning herself," she chuckled, looking up at Derek. Her cheeks heated and she shook her head in disbelief. "She's so smart she's weaning herself!" she exclaimed softly, _evenly_, though all she really wanted to do was cry. She slipped her arm back through the sleeve of her shirt and covered herself back up while her husband watched her carefully for a beat.

"Come here," he murmured, sitting down on the floor next to her, drawing her near where he held her steady. He found her eyes and lifted her chin up and set his palm along her flushed cheek, Ruby's intense eyes on them both now as she turned into their space. "It's okay …," he promised sincerely, trying his best to relate to her despondency _… for their baby was growing up and there was nothing they could do to impede it_. He smiled and then he kissed her pouty lips – _soft and quick, he kissed her, pulse, pulse_ – his lips lingering on hers before he pulled back and whispered hotly into her ear. "You know … that's only the case for one of us," he smirked suggestively, his lips on her cheek now as her giggle floated through the cabin.

"Derek …," she sniffled, her wet, vacillating eyes pinned on his.

"I _love_ your boobs …," he flirted, planting his lips upon her neck, he kissed her pulse. "I'll _always_ love your boobs," he cackled wickedly into their heat, pulling back wherein her dancing eyes met his and her giggle wouldn't quit.

###

_Meredith watched Ruby now in quiet awe as she sat across from her in her ergonomic baby seat, the little tray in front of her a mess with a collection of foods: toasted O's cereal, diced mango and a teething biscuit (thankfully ignored). She smiled and watched carefully as she mastered her pincer grasp, handling the slippery, island fruit with ease between her pointer finger and her thumb. A large smile gracing her messy face as she slammed her fingers against her open mouth, an excited smile gracing her face as she consumed the tasty treat._

_Giggling with her, Meredith doted on the baby and found herself once again mulling over her statistics and milestones as of late: eighteen pounds, twenty-seven inches long, sitting up on her own, pulling herself up to stand, crawling when she really wanted something! She stilled her heart, fighting those urges of sadness … because nothing would change the fact that Ruby wasn't an infant anymore. She exhaled and smiled, quietly reminding herself what Jyothi had told her when they spoke last week: that it was 'perfectly natural for a woman to miss the baby her child once was, after all, without the 'missing', there would be no survival of the species, no will to procreate'._

_Meredith's heart strings pulled, stretching now as Ruby found her eyes and tilted her head, bringing her fingers together in front of her – 'more, more' – she signed, 'more, more', she signed again before she grabbed her 'sippy' cup and took a big swill of her water. She giggled and slammed the cup down. Meredith sighed and blinked back her tears. _

"More …," she whispered animatedly, mimicking the baby's sign with a grin. "Good girl!" she praised as she reached for the bowl of toasted O's, sprinkling another helping upon her small tray wherein the hungry baby wasted no time in picking one up.

_Sighing, Meredith watched her growing baby for a beat longer before she turned her attention to Derek who smiled to himself before he looked up from his crossword puzzle to find her watching him. She smiled and so did he before he returned to his task at hand – the previous week's New York Times crossword puzzle – his brow immediately furrowed with concentration until he suddenly smiled brightly and filled in the missing letter blocks with satisfaction. He exhaled and looked up to find her again, this time, folding the paper and moving to sit closer to her. _

Meredith smiled and ribbed him with her elbow. "If she poops it's your turn to change her," she murmured playfully, watching as the baby seemed to inhale the food upon her tray.

Derek snorted. "Yeah, well …I deserve that," he smirked, laughing now at yesterday's antics. He doted on Ruby, watching her stifle a yawn as she rubbed her eyes. "She'll be out soon," he ventured with a small smile.

"Maybe, maybe not," Meredith giggled, looking on as the baby reached over the side of her seat for the stacking cups, setting one on top of another before she purposefully knocked them down, squealing when they fell. "Seems to me, she wants to play," she teased as she handed the cups to the baby again.

Derek kissed Ruby's chubby cheek before he turned to his wife. "So, play …," he smirked. "Tire her out so … _we_ can play," he flirted shamelessly, kissing her cheek now too before he stood and began to clear the dishes.

"Oh, well when you put it like that," Meredith sassed, batting her lashes at him as he towered above her. "I'll get right on it," she giggled as she held his gaze.

Derek chuckled, picked the tray up and glided toward the kitchen, silently marveling at his good fortune and what had become of his life. He set the tray down and listened to the sounds of his home, the crackle and hiss of the fire and the fits of giggles coming from the living room as Meredith sang, _'This Little Piggy' _to their growing daughter.

###

___"This little piggy went to the hospital,  
This piggy stayed at home,  
This piggy wanted … mama's milk,  
This piggy said 'no',  
And this piggy went: 'Wee! Wee! Wee!' and ran all the way home to her cabin in the woods … where no one else could page her!"_

_My mother smiles broadly at me and I wait with great anticipation for her to tug on my pinky toe again, and when she does all I feel is my heart burst as untamed laughter shakes my whole body again and again and again. I love these days, when both of my parents are home and with me, it feels an awful lot like it's supposed to feel all the time. _

_By now I know that my parents go to this place called the 'hospital' where they 'work' and from the looks upon their faces, I know this is the harder part of their lives, though through their shining faces and the fires ignited in their eyes when they talk about this place … I know they are accomplished and for this, I am happy and also rewarded._

_For my reward is somehow theirs and this is especially true when we have stretches of time like this together – for we are reminded, that as much as life changes all around us – one thing remains the same … I truly belong to them and they, to me. _

_"I am your bedtime; you are my wide awake."_

**Chapter 9 to follow.**


End file.
